Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Hammond the Holy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Hammond the Holy | ||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||
Contents |
[edit] Early life and Childhood
Frank was the only child of Mr. and Mrs. Hammond, who were both active members of the local parish. Hammond the Holy was brought up with a strong Catholic background, but even amongst peers like himself, Hammond the Holy was often teased for his extremely morally upright behaviour. Being innocent, Hammond the Holy thought nothing of the belittling, and was encouraged by his parents to behave in the right way always, just as a worshipper of Mary and the Saints ought to.
In high school, Hammond the Holy was invited to attend a party thrown by some of the rowdier members of his year. Not wanting to look anti-social, Hammond the Holy accepted and attended the party that evening, under the pretence of "how bad can it be?". When he arrived, Hammond the Holy was appalled - it was much worse than "bad". It was as though Satan himself was popping the popcorn in the kitchen. The house was filled with sexually-charged teenagers, underage drinking, rampant drug use, foul language, and two Max Lucado books. In a fit of a righteous anger, a blinding light filled the house.
He had purged the house of sin.
[edit] Exile to The Philippines
After the Purification Incident, the Hammonds were forced to flee the country. They escaped to the Philippines, were they tried to settle down and make a new life. Hammond the Holy, however, was forever scarred by what he had seen in the house that night. Uncertain of himself and of his power, Hammond the Holy visited a seminary in Manila, where he met Father Wasim, with whom he became good friends. Father Wasim trained Hammond the Holy in the ways of theology and philosophy, and taught him how to harness the power of Righteous Light for the benefit of humanity. Towards the end of his training, Father Wasim tried to convince Hammond the Holy to become a priest, but he was unsuccessful.
[edit] Wheeling Jesuit University
Hammond the Holy returned to America many years later, armed with a firm knowledge of his faith and powers that he could control. He wished to purge the Earth of all sinful using the skills Father Wasim taught him. Thus, he enrolled at Wheeling Jesuit University in 1993 for the sake of continuing his mission of purification through rationality.
While at WJU, he discovered that not even Jesuit campuses were immune to the effects of sin. Although an incident like The Purification was never repeated, he did confront individual sinners and "liberate" them from their evil when necessary. Upon graduating from WJU, he decided that his mission would be to clean-up every Catholic university in the United States for the purposes of setting a good example to everyone else.
However, at the time, Wheeling Jesuit University was facing evil in other forms, such as attacks from the League of Evil and from meteor bombardments. Thus, Hammond the Holy was recruited into the Council of Light, albeit reluctantly, and only after promised that he would be aided in his true mission.
[edit] Powers
Hammond the Holy is one of the few laypeople in history that has ever been able to wield the power of Divine Light, and he wields it in a way that is superior even to the techniques of most bishops and cardinals. His weapon, the Sword of Justice, only strengthens his powers.
[edit] Bizarro Hammond the Holy
Hammond the Holy's membership in the Council of Light is currently pending due to the appearance of an otherworldly entity known as Bizarro Hammond the Holy (Ultimate Council of Light, #41). While similar to Hammond in form, Bizarro Hammond the Holy is actually corrupted by darkness. For the safety of the Council, Hammond the Holy withdrew his memebership...at least for the time being.
Bizarro's involvement with the WOB (Whore of Babylon) has greatly damaged Hammond the Holy's pious reputation. Recent developments have forced Hammond the Holy to retreat to his secret fortress in the 6th dimension - Bizzaro Hammond the Holy has now assumed his identity. It would seem that at this time, Operation Counter-Counter Reformation has been a complete success.
