Hampster

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A hampster is like a hamster, only it p's more.

1 Diet
2 Habitat
3 Bedding
4 Military Usage
5 Food for Thought
6 Further Information
7 See also

[edit] Diet

Hampsters are known to eat anything pellet shaped (including nuclear isotopes) (Yes they are imune to radiation and radiation poisoning). They are also known to eat their own crap or anything else that comes from their own body, such as their young. Contrary to common beliefs, Hampsters do not make good diet suppliments. They also have been known to eat the keys of a computer keyboard making the whole western world and that kid from germany really mad. This shortage of computer keys has been known throughout the world just not traced to hampsters. There used to be a theory that it was the chupacabra that ate the keys but a famous scientist has recently disproved this.

[edit] Habitat

Paper towel tubes, ceramic shoes

[edit] Bedding

Piles of other hampsters or, alternatively, piles of shredded toilet paper.Hampsters have also been known to sleep in poo.

[edit] Military Usage

A secret hampster breeding project was used to create a large rabid horde of rampaging hampsters, which turned the tide in the Battle of Cheeseville, Wisconsin. This tactic became largely obsolete after the discovery that the rampaging hordes were particularly vulnerable to flame throwers and George W. Bush (who isn't?).