Hamster Energy Theory
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Hamsters have an enormous potential as an energy source. They are most commonly used in powering cars, but may have a wide field of applications. They can only be harnessed in tandem with other technologies. Currently their use in cars has led to widespread worry about the effects of hamster gas on the ozone layer, which if destroyed would allow the sun's harmful butter to attack Earth.
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[edit] How Does It Work?
Hamsters have been known to be able to harness energy for a long time. They have been used on cars since 1902. No one knows how they work but they can control a flux capacitor, a device which doesn't work without a hamster, a fact that most people don't know.
[edit] Alternative Hamster Energy
Hamster theorists have proposed a few forms of alternative fuel to feed energy hamsters. These include Ethanol, Hydrogen, biodiesel and ExxonMobil executives.
Ethanol is an easily renewable fuel. As an alcohol it is obvious that this is just plain stupid, as the hamsters will consume twice as much of this compared to Gasoline, and be extremely drunk, making power unreliable from this source. Cars of this order must be based off of Gasoline cars, since tougher hamsters in Diesel cars lose all usefulness when drunk.
Hydrogen has been considered since Hamsters using it only emit water. Why would this work? It wouldn't since Hydrogen can't be made.
Biodiesel is a fuel made by aging hippies, presumably from their own odor. This is only useful if you're a hippie, since only hippies can tolerate hippie stink. Cars of this order must be based off of diesel cars since only those tougher hamsters can tolerate, much less consume, anything that smells like a hippie.
ExxonMobil executives are likely the be-all end-all fuel. Once a tiny bit is consumed, the hamster's stomach is completely filled by their greed, which being infinite, will never empty. This can work with all forms of hamsters. This theory was proposed by famed scientist Britney Zimmerman, who previously discovered Marijuana as a teenager in 1969, as many other people have throughout history.
[edit] Warnings
- Don't piss off the hamster. They will stop working.
- If your hamster dies, replace your flux capacitor, as most only accept original equipment hamsters.
- Flux capacitors cannot be removed from cars, so replace your car after the hamster dies.
