Hans Langsdorff
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Hans Langsdorff (1894 or something like that – December 19, 1939) was notable in that he lost the Battle of the River Plate, failed to go down with the Panzerschiff (German for "piece of shiff") Admiral Graf Spee, then shot himself. In fact, that's about all he did.
[edit] Life
Langsdorff was born in some remote, insignificant location in 1894, the eldest son of a family with little historical impact whatsoever. From there, they moved to Düsseldorf for a reason that doesn't matter into a house neighboring that of someone who made a slightly greater mark on history, Graf (Count) Maximilian von Spee, who made his name by getting his entire command killed in the Battle of the Falkland Islands in 1914. Thus, following an obsession with this slightly less obscure neighbor, Langsdorff decided to join the German Navy, hoping that he might somehow do something worthwhile to earn himself at least a footnote in future German textbooks. Towards the end of World War I, he earned a medal or two, while the standard issue for German soldiers happened to be twelve, awarded in a year which no one bothered to record. For the next twenty years, nothing significant happened.
Finally, after doing nothing in particular, Langsdorff was given command of the ship Admiral Graf Spee and sent off to do whatever in 1939 (probably). Over the next ten weeks, Langsdorff and Admiral Graf Spee suffered extreme incompetence, sinking nine British merchant ships, totalling over 50,000 tons, while somehow failing to kill anyone.
[edit] Death
Soon, the British Navy decided that Langsdorff was starting to get rather annoying and sent an entire fleet of battleships to get rid of him. At this point, the Admiral Graf Spee gave up, and Langsdorff soiled himself. When the fleet came into firing range, Langsdorff became confused and ordered the Spee to blow itself up. Langsdorff attempted to go down with the Spee and earn himself some sort of name, but failed. Thus, depressed and shamed by his total failure, Langsdorff shot himself, dying in his still-soiled underwear. His suicide note, which has since been misplaced somewhere, was just a bunch of whining. Altogether, nobody cared.
[edit] See Also
| Preceded by: Someone more noteworthy | Captain of the Graf Spee 1938 - 1939 | Succeeded by: Defunct |}
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