Hanukkah

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Goys may not have enough chutzpah to understand Jewish wit. Kvetch about it all you want, but that won't help you understand it. Fill your kepellah with knowledge more suited for you.

“I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.”

~ George W Bush on the joy of Hanukkah

“What's this? What's this? Theres magic in the air- Oh wow, this sucks!”

~ Jack Skellington on Hanukkah

“You call that a holiday?”

~ Mel Gibson on Hanukkah

1 Spelling
2 The Story of Festival H/C
3 The Moral of the Story
4 See also
5 External Links

[edit] Spelling

Many different spellings exist of this festival including Hannukah, Chanukah, Hanukah, Channukah, Hahaha, Chaka Khan, Gengis Khan and Kristalnacht all are right and all are wrong as Jews who occasionally celebrate the festival over the span known as "Holiday" never agree on anything. For the purposes of the rest of this article it shall be referred to as Festival H/C.

[edit] The Story of Festival H/C

In the year 273.5 BC, the Greeks, renowned for their military expertise and fine cuisine invaded the land of Israel/Canaan/Palestine/America 2. Here they began to play their favorite game, rape and pillage. Having raped the land and pillaged the people they oppressed the people by forcing constant sodomisation on them. A group of Jews rather sore with the experience decided to fight back and taking advantage of the AIDS outbreak that plagued the Greeks they formed their own army known as the McAbies. The McAbies called on their fellow tribe the McDonalds who nuked the Greeks and then consoled them with their £1.99 breakfast. The McAbies went back to their temple where they had to light the Menorah, a strange object with 7 types of tree branch: oak, pine, beech, birch, sequoia, chestnut and Christmas. However they only had enough money for one day of oil owing to rising prices and falling stocks, and so they went down to the petrol station and bought enough oil for only one day. However it lasted for eight days and there was much rejoicing and slaughtering of virgin pigs.

[edit] The Moral of the Story

Contrary to popular opinion, the story of Festival H/C is one of energy conversation. Jews are told to conserve energy and not spoil natural resources, like the people in the story who made one day of oil last for eight. The festival should really be called the festival of green.