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There are many articles on Uncyclopedia that are extremely difficult to read or that really hurt your eyes. Some writers may think this is funny, but we all know better. Sometimes they're just trying to create a new Uncyclopedia "in-joke" or something. Those people deserve to be dragged out into the street and shot. Like all secret messages, this one will insult you and your intelligence behind closed doors. Also it has random pictures scattered throughout to make you think you're missing something really important which will make you feel even worse. I'm guessing that even if you COULD read this, the flashing pictures would still kill you.

[edit] OMG This Hurts My Eyes

This section is going to make fun of you without your knowledge.

You make me, and all your relatives, sick. I asked them: you make them sick. Your momma said you were a mistake. How's that new job working out? Oh! You were fired? biiiig surprise, you lazy doof! And here's the best part: you can't prosecute me! This article is like the wind. How's that new car of yours? Oh! You drove it into a playground? You dingus! Who will love you now? WHO WILL LOVE YOU NOW? Man, this just keeps getting better. Speaking of torture I bet they could use this page in Guantanamo bay.

[edit] Oh This Isn't As Bad

Well we got that outta the way, lets continue our investigation of this page. Hmmm, I can almost read this part... OH CHRIST, I CAN'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT! Who wrote this thing! I'll KILL them all! This is worse than having a SEIZURE! it's, like, giving me CANCER! It's giving me ADHD! I beg you, next section, please!

This isn't even that interesting to read... Okay, somebody went to a lot of work, now that I look at the code, but still, if it wasn't for all these damn blinking lights this article would have nothing to say!

[edit] I Was Wrong

This section is going to have lots of big words in it VOLCANOISM! You will hopefully be completely baffled ENGLAND. Tropical Immanuel Kant. Jingoism crazed sticks taste mundane hub caps contrived virii graphitize virtual diet pills. By now your little brain must be throbbing with such meaningful questions like: Holy crap, what am I missing? I wish I could read this stupid thing without having to highlight it or having to look at the code! Why is there a picture of a VOLCANO ??? OMG what am I missing? Maybe it's just some random meaningless symbolism EVANGELION! I get the feeling that this article is making fun of me. What the hell is that VOLCANO doing here? Maybe if I click on that only wiki link on this page, it will tell me something!

[edit] Oh Different Fonts How Creative

Are you being sarcastic you little shit? This isn't as easy as it looks, and it didn't look that easy to begin with! By now you must be wondering if I have any more tricks up my sleeve right? This interweb is full of some really creative tools, some of these eye catching gimmicks are used on the most dangerous web banners known to man.

[edit] Finale

By now, I would be very SURPRISED if you're still reading this since I've insulted you, made fun of you, given you epilepsy and set fire to your cat. Yes, you do have a cat and it's on fire, you dumbwit. Why are you still reading this? Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Do you think you'll look cool voting against this on VFH showing off how you've managed to survive this article? Please, you know there's nothing else to read beyond this. The only reason you'd still be reading this would be if you're here for the SECRET MESSAGE... Which there is none, of course... Wink wink... Those winks didn't mean anything... if you're not here for the secret message...

Move along, there's nothing left to see here. Just some more trivia about dangerous web banners and fire being set to your hair. Yes you do have hair.

[edit] This Is Killing My Soul

Okay listen up. That stuff at the beginning was just to throw off any looky-loos. Are you ready for your mission? You trained hard, I know, and you shall have your reward, God-willing. You know "Mr. Johnson"? He's the dropoff point for "the package". The password is "It's raining men". You have to wait for him to say the word "cadaver" before you ask for the second box which contains the secret weapon if you know what I mean, which you do.

Don't forget to drop by the office afterwards. We're gonna have a party to celebrate... No, there won't be delicious cake. No, there won't be presents, either. Okay, when I said "party" Template:Bw Template:Bw Template:Bw "get-together". Template:Bw Template:Bw Template:Bw Template:Bw? Template:Seizure

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