Hardee's
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Hardee's is a fast food restaurant whose name comes from the nickname doctors use to describe the arteries of people who eat there.
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[edit] History
Hardee's is a fast food franchise that began in Charlotte, North Carolina that has always struggled to make ends meet. Throughout the years they have sold hamburgers, shakes, fries, heroin, fried chicken and all sorts of fast food. They have almost gone out of business several times and have also gone through many name changes. First they were "Burger Chef"; out west, "Carl's Jr." The business was founded by Ma and Paw Hardee, also known as Marjorie Hardee and Percy Hardee. Finally, they made an educated decision and joined the Republican Party, took up Supply-side economics and gave people what they really wanted; 2,000 calories packed into a single burger.
[edit] Spokespeople
After trying every type of marketing possible (even using Rednecks in commercials), Hardee's gave up and hired Tonya Harding as marketing director and the official spokesperson simply because she ate there often. Using her brilliant business antics, she had Ronald McDonald whacked in the kneecap IRA style which helped Hardee's sell even more food, and caused McDonald's to lose billions. This lead to a civil war between McDonald's and Hardee's that continues even to this day.
Hardee's later hired Paris Hilton as a spokesperson because that's hot! This time they were able to afford TV commercials without McDonald's in the way and Paris helped Hardee's promote their new anus thickburger.
[edit] Products
Ma and Paw Hardee wanted only the best food to help support supply-side economics and make everyone fat so they all could be rich and keep buying food from Hardee's.
First they had 59 cent hamburgers, 79 cent French fries, and 99 cent shakes. This pleased most customers but the small portions did not fit in well with Supply-side economics and the God-Fearing Republicans that followed it. Then they attempted fried chicken and other southern soul food, but since it did not contain enough lard, they were forced to replace it with the anus thickburgers. Only to learn later, that Burger King had done the same thing and had their own anus burger. This made Hardee's angry and upset. How could they top a single patty anus burger from a competitor? They needed something so fattening that it could clog arteries and cause strokes and heart attacks instantly.
Finally, they turned to supply-side economics and decided to place as many as two or three patties on a single anus thickburger! That's an entire pound of quality anus meat! This idea worked so well most customers gained 25 pounds in less than one week. The new anus burger even cured world hunger and ended world poverty. This pleased everyone except George W. Bush and the World Trade Organization. Due to added savings, everyone in the entire world was able to buy up to fifteen anus thickburgers, and Hardee's was finally able to turn out a larger profit margin.
