Harrogate
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Harrogate is a medium sized place of incredible tedium found in the county of Yorkshire. It is more commonly known by it's nicknames 'Jewel of the North' or 'Second City of the Empire'.
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[edit] History
[edit] Early History
Erik The Incredibly Dull founded Harrogate around the eighth century. Like a cheap wine from Aldi, it's gradually got worse with age. Erik escaped the excitement and death that beleaguered York (yes, York was once exciting) to find a place where he could spend his days in absolute boredom without the faintest whiff of interest. Stumbling upon a desolate and empty stretch of land, Erik concluded that this was the very place where he would idle away his days doing very little.
[edit] Etymology
Harrogate is so named due to the high number of mayors there who have been involved in sex scandals involving harrows. Originally it was called That Posh Town in the North (or That Posh Town Up' Road, as it was known in Leeds). People from "away" call it "Harrow Gate", but to the locals it's known as "T'Arrigut". Yokels from "Up't'Dale" (the hill and valley dwelling tribes of the Yorkshire Dales) sometimes come into the "Big City" to look at the tall buildings and marvel at the electric light and running water.
[edit] Geography
Located somewhere between the east and west coasts of England, Harrogate is a firm favourite for most boring Town to live in 2007, although Thirsk is also a strong contender (which threatens to hit Harrogate over the head repeatedly with a sovereign ring if it does not give up its claim to the title). It is also worth noting that the nearby town of Skipton would loiter around a tediously grey corner while Thirsk beat Harrogate repeatedly over the head with a sovereign ring, taking its crown as Most Boring town in Britain. Once this had taken place, Skipton would wait for what it deduced to be a suitably uninteresting period of time, before putting Thirsk out of its misery with a spuriously mundane method of disposal, possibly an as yet un-known method of murder that in some way involves watching paint dry. Notable features of Harrogate include Skipton Road that completely ignores Harrogate and allows the driver to pass through the Town at a horribly slow speed but nevertheless in the most direct manner. Realising that no-one wanted to stop in their bland and unattractive Town, the people of Harrogate have installed traffic lights every five meters along this highway, hence forcing drivers to suffer the mindnumbing tedium that is the sights of Harrogate.
In such a situation, Health & Safety have issued these guidelines for coping with the endless boredom.
- Tramp Spotting: look out for the world's poshest tramps. It is quite likely they are drinking stuff you couldn't even afford or liked come to that.
- Identifying attractive Harrogate men or women. It is very likely that these (rare) individuals will jump at the chance of leaving Harrogate as an endless blur in their minds and getting out of the place alive with you.
[edit] Culture
[edit] Harrogate Tramps
Harrogate boasts the poshest tramps in the world. Special Brew cannot be found anywhere in the environs of Harrogate: instead the order of the day is Stella Artois and in some instances Leffe. Harrogate tramps would not deign to drink meths unless presented to them in a heavy bottomed tumbler with a dash of lime and sometimes 'on the rocks' depending on whether the river has frozen over or not (the river is The Nidd, which passes as quickly as it can through the chav-suburb of Bilton). It is also worth noting that Harrogate tramps are so highbrow that their favourite congregation point is the local library, where well meaning locals have provided them with a picturesque Victorian shelter in the gardens. When it is raining theses posh tramps take their drinks inside the Library. Perhaps they are looking for books about cocktail making.
[edit] Harrogate Chavs
Harrogate Chavs are the larvae of Harrogate Tramps, mostly to be found on the Monkey Islands in Starbeck, the less salubrious parts of Bilton and anywhere downhill of Jennyfields Drive.
[edit] The Long Road
This is the culture of Harrogate. People who aren't in cars don't have culture, just expensive wine and ridiculous views on fox-hunting. People in cars tend to be from that mystical place "away".
