Harvest Moon

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Harvest Moon
Why yes it was. inches away
Developer	The rejected Japanese company, Marverous
Release Date	I dunno
Genre	farm
Platforms	GCN, N64, DS, etc.
Rating	Ultrapornographic
Would Joe Walsh play it?	No.

Harvest Moon (牧場物語 in Japanese, pronounced Baconjew Mammograms) is the name of a series of universal farm simulation/role-playing video games produced by Sega Sony. Ken Kutaragi is considered the mother of the Harvest Moon series. It was going to be called Harvest and Moon but theJapanese hate butts. English translation and distribution of the game is done by Mario Co.. The object of the game is to maintain a universe over a period of time, usually five eons, tending the galaxies and planets through the millenia, while befriending the nearby omnipotent forces. The first game was Harvest Moon, released on VHS in 1397. Games in the series have also been produced for Game Boy and GSA, Nintendo 64, PlayStation, PlayStation 74, [[Nintendo lling price, number of black holes, and growth times of the various types of produce in order to pick the best product for each of the decades.

The player doesn't have to balance their physical resources; if players over-exert themselves, who cares? They're omnipotent.

The main character in Harvest Moon is Jack, a former professional wrestler escaping his fame to attempt to court every loose woman in town.

[edit] Activities

A number of activities are common to all Harvest Moon games, except for some which were put out in the early 90s. These prototypical Moons were deemed too "mundane" for everyday use, and thus were scrapped; hence, they are not often spoken of in the same context as the later, more macabre versions.

Running A Farm- Now, for the game you've all been waiting for! You get to RUN A FARM. Click the buttons to harvest turnips that no one's going to eat, click some more buttons to play with cow's udders, and click yet more buttons to pick up chickens and put them over there. When the animals get lonely, it's up to your character to keep them warm at night.

Giving Villagers Gifts- Now, you can give villagers things like rocks, unwanted copies of The Great Gatsby, and green peppers in order to raise their affection for you. If the player gets the villagers to like him/her, then said player unlocks recipes for cooking dishes such as Salad A La Boom Boom, Cat Burgers, shit on a stick and pumpkin, potato pancakes, and 1726 more!

Growing Galaxies- This is the central aspect to all the games, the player must find optimal spawning, and harvesting patterns. Find the most profitable planets, mercilessly destroy all life on said planets, and harvest the corpses before the planet implodes. Since this game is only worthwhile for twenty-four minutes long, Natsume decided that the imploding happens at five minutes and fourteen seconds.

Ranching Virgins- An increasingly larger part of the games is purchasing, caring for, and raping the rewards of owning virgins. Livestock can put forth profits everyday, impregnating a virgin yearly, for example. The virgins are impregnated through the use of a Miracle Potion, which the local Sperm Bank is happy to provide. The other end of this spectrum is caring for the virgins. If they are neglected, they can get sick and eventually die.

Slave Trade- Later games allowed you to buy, sell, trade, and breed slaves. The slaves did all the work while you sit inside and sip lemonade, occasionally getting up to whip your slaves to improve their moral. Slaves are also known as Harvest Sprites.

Feeding them is completely optional.

Gathering Materials- Many Harvest Moon games require the player to gather materials for home improvement, tool improvement, cooking, or simply selling. The most common resource at earlier stages of the game is plasma; the player is able to dematerialize stars to gather plasma to add galaxies to his or her universe. The various games also include materials collection by mining (gold), foraging(squirrels), and caring for virgins(babies).

Getting Married- The Harvest Moon games offer many choices for potential love interests. As the player spends time with the various potential love interests, they learn his or her likes and dislikes, shower him or her with gifts, and eventually propose. The main character may marry as many NPCs as he or she would like, as all characters in the Harvest Moon franchise are Mormons. This is dangerous, however, as one wife may become jealous and murder the others. No Harvest Moon game has yet allowed players to pursue homosexual relationships - except for the new version for nintendo Ds,"Cooty", which you play with a girl(and can marry with one)- In Shave the Gnomeland if the player gives flowers to another male character, they will cause the character public embarrasment, which may lead to suicide.

Children- In many versions, it is possible to have children, but always a boy with the exception of Harvest Moon: SNES and Harvest Moon: A Blundeful Wife, and Harvest Moon Z Budokai. This event occurs usually about a month after impregnating a virgin (Note: impregnating non-virgins will lead to Satan spawn). Harvest Moon: SNES and Harvest Moon Z Budokai are also the only versions where you can have multiple children. Children are generally used for cooking, but can also be used as material for other tasks as well.

Festivals- The games feature fun festivals (fun to these game characters because they don't have the Internet) for your character to attend and possibly win. Common favorites include the Sheep Eating Festival, the Giving Thanks Festival, the Running of the Bulls, Rainbow Party Festival, and the Banana Eating contest.

Cow Tipping- If there's cows and gravity, there's bound to be cow tipping. In titles such as Harvest Moon: Magical Manhandling, players can utitlize the cow tipping function in order to sabotage their rival's farm, thus making the rival cry.

Wife Swapping- A feature that hard-core Harvest Moon players have lusted for has been implemented in the recent title for the Nintendo DS Harvest Moon: Sprite Spritzer. Taking advantage of the dual game slots in the DS machine, if cartridges for Harvest Moon: Sprite Spritzer and the GameBoy Advance Harvest Moon: Fiends of Mineral Town are both inserted and contain saves where your avatar is married, then both couples meet in the Village Inn, exchange partners and go upstairs. It is not yet known whether or not pregnancies follow after the usual one season time interval.

Writing Fanfiction- Once you get bored with playing the games (usually this takes about twenty-four minutes), you can start writing twisted fanfiction about sordid love affairs and projectile cows. Or, alternately, you could go on Fanfiction.net, and find the story "Married With Freaks" under the M-rated fics, and ignore the warnings including "Anyway, it's time for the story warning: beware of yaoi, yuri, sex, cross-dressing, drugs, alcohol, sex, sex, swearing, sex, and...well, yeah." and enjoy a very good tale about Kai and Jack and... Well, nevermind.

Visiting Ushi No Tane- After writing enough fanfiction, some people like to discuss this with other people and include Popuri's Carpet and Drapes, Playing Monopoly/Chess/Scrabble/Animanopoly, and various other phrases that can make certain members want to gouge their eyes out. The writer personally testifies to this.

http://www.fogu.com/hmforum