Hayden Christensen

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“I'd do him anyday”

~ You on Hayden Christensen

Hayden Christensen was born in the second country of Gods (with the U.S being the first), Canada. When he was a little boy his mother, a very talented straight woman in making babies, started to notice something unusual about his looks. She thought..."How can a baby look so hot and have such a big thingy?". Well, she got her answer later, when she took Hayden to do a little test that all boys do, and by the statistics, 100% of Americans pass, and 99.99% of Canadians pass. Hayden passed the test! In this so called test, he had to strip down, bang a few chicks, and do many other cool stuff, that was posted on YouTube, but that sadly was deleted in 1999, by Satan. OH NO! By passing the test Hayden was known as a CANADIAN GOD. A Canadian GOD is guy with very high hotness, so hot that he can blow off the Sun. That's right bitches, you heard me, Hayden can do that shit!

[edit] Career

1993-2000

In 1993 Christensen was on a Canadian junk show, Family Passions. The following year, Hayden had a stale little part in the Month of Maddness. In 1995 he had another stale little part in Street Law for the bullies and television films Love and Betrayal: The Mia Farewell Story and Harrison Bergeron (who changed his last name to 'Ford').

In 1996 he got yet another stale little part in the television film No Greater Love, then went home and left the acting for the birds. He came back and starred in Goosebumps, the two part episode of Night Of The Living Dummy, in which he plays the dummy (12 year old Zane the idiot).

In 1998 he had a Huge part in The Hairy Bird in which he has a cameo in a tree with the bird, he's shown for about 3 seconds. Next, he had a VERY HUMUNGOUS part in Free Fall in which he fell of a cliff and died in time for them to make the movie The Virgin Suicides. So it all worked out perfectly so far for Haydens Career.

Hayden wanted people to tell him his acting was good, and that they wanted to put him in another movie, but he only ended up getting 9 T.V. remotes, 3 journals, 8 dictionarys, 5 cardboard boxes, and 7 floppy discs. Later on, Hayden got the part of Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, in which he was relieved to see Natalie Portman and 92 year old, George Lucas again. Acting for Anakin, he got to kiss Natalie Portman (see: Personal Life). While shooting the scene where he's riding on the jetbike to find his mother, He finds out that George Lucas is 52 and dries his face with sandpaper. Hayden didn't mind, and apologized for saying Lucas was 92. Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side because of his lack of sight.

Hayden got three awards for being the 'Worst WartHog' and plus all the girls loved his good looks.

Hayden kept getting assassinated for having the biggest nose, and hated to be made fun of. He finally got into another Star Wars film and audiences everywhere loved his great singing voice. He was in two magazines in the catigories '50 Most Beautiful Girls' and '50 Hottest people over 196'. Christensen was happy to be loved by the girls.

By the time STAR WARS II was out, Hayden had no job at all and had 90,000,000 dollars but was 3,000,000 broke. Lucas asked him to be in STAR WARS III, and if he wasn't, they would have to get Fay Wray. Hayden accepted.

After starring in Star Wars III, he got into 2 more magazines under the catigories, '50 Hottest Guys Under the Sun' and one of the '2 Guys with the biggest nose'. Him, and Jimmy Durante.

[edit] Personal Life

Interests

Christensen played on the Girls Hockey Team against the Boys. Hayden loves Pizza, Lasagna, spaghetti, and various other Italian foods. He also is alergic to bees and high cholesteral.

Relationships

Since 'Attack of the clones' Every girl in the United States is jelous of Natalie Portman. Although he denies it, Christensen has a love for Portman deep down in his leg. That's part of the reason why he limps. He's been shot 16 times in the stomach and 4 times in the arm by his former girlfriend Sienna Miller who owns the Miller at the Mill. He's tried to live with Jude Law, who's got no girlfriend, they want to be bachelors together. Hayden has married 103 Women. One every 2 years. Yet he is over 196.

Hayden has had a very private, silent life. Since he has not talked very much before, his friend thinks he's got something wrong with his gut.

[edit] Afterlife

Christensen died in 2001, but was born again after 13 years of labor.

In Christensens next life, he's lived long enough to know that Ben Kenobi is dead. And Darth Simpson took his place.

[edit] Unknown Facts

Where He's Been

Hayden ran away from home when he was 13 to go to Sweden to Yodle with the monkeys. On the way, he picked up 9 monkeys but got lost in Russia. He finally got to the highest peak and yodled away. His mother found him lost in a maternity store trying to find the exit.

His family went on a vacation trip once to Australia and met up with a giant rock band called the 'Giant Rock Band'. Christensen didn't like any of the concerts and has never really been a big fan of music eccept his own singing voice. They met some wombats and found some joeys. But other than that, Hayden doesn't like lizards.

When He Was 3

When Hayden was three years old, he found out his mother was the mother of the mother of his fathers fathers mother. He also found out that his sister was his brothers sister, considering the fact that they're related. Christensen got lost in Wal Mart 8 times while trying to find the STAR WARS action figures of Anakin Skywalker (He's always been a fan of him).

Christensens Restraints

When Christensen became an actor, he had to let go of some of the things he loved the most, because it is the jedi way. For instance, Teletubies, Tickle-me Elmo, Boo-Bah, he was only on his 168 year that he found out Santa Claus The Fat Bastard wasn't real.

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