Heat Magazine
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Heat Magazine is a highly influential weekly UK and South African publication, highlighting all the latest news and gossip from the world of celebrity plumbing and heating installation. It is published by the well-regarded Potterton Industrial Boiler Group and currently edited by Mike Firth.
As of December 2007, the official circulation is 500,734. It is unknown why this is so large, since professional bodies have calculated that based on availability, there are less than 27,000 plumbers and heating engineers in the world.
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[edit] Life & Times
Heat began life in 1843 under the somewhat unwieldy title of the Heating Engineers and Associated Traders Weekly Newsletter, but this title was sensibly abbreviated in 1900 to welcome the birth of a new more condensed century (the next century being ushered in only 100 years later.)
More recently, Heat has moved from broadsheet to a mid-sized format, dubbed the ‘King’s Lynner’; a size commonly found across publications in East Anglia, such as Le Sudbury Monde and La Vanguardia de la Thetford.
Arthur Fowler, the former Chief Executive of Heat, became infamous in the 1980s when it was revealed after his mysterious death - falling out of the back of a Volvo estate car being driven at speed on the A14 outside Stowmarket - that he had been stealing from staff Christmas Club funds to pay for his daughter's wedding to actor and broadcaster, Tom Watt.
[edit] Features
Throughout it’s time in print, Heat Magazine has charted the rise and fall of various celebrity plumbers. Notable examples from recent years include:
- Jodi "Monkey Wrench" Marsh
- Jude "The Lagger" Law
- Victoria “Blow Torch” Beckham
- Kerry "Krapper" Katona
The magazine also specialises in paparazzi style photography, catching celebrity plumbers and heating engineers in compromising positions (or simply without their tool bags of a morning). Recent exposés have included Sienna Miller forgetting to tighten the jubilee clips on her dishwasher hose, Elton John holding a ballcock outside The Ivy and Michael Barrymore leaving the scene after his swimming pool heating system was switched off.
Other features include:
- An interactive section where readers are encouraged to send in celebrity plumber spots, called “I’ve Spotted Them Out And About, Or At Least It Looked Like Them, But It Could Possibly Have Been My Mum With A Hat On”.
- "Lesley Ash’s Things To Do With Rubber Piping" - Pretty self-explanatory and frequently explicit.
- "How To Get Moore Out Of your boiler" – tackling the thorny problem of notorious Moores getting jammed in your pump, week by week covering the various ways of releasing Patrick, Demi, Roger, Julianne and, most challengingly, Michael from entrapment in both condensing boilers and warm air units[1].
- "The Washer of Shame" - highlighting recent plumbing jobs that have been completely bodged.
- "Best Repaired" - favoured celebrities, looking to advertise their services, invite cameras into the back of their van.
- Inexplicably, the TV listings for the next week with favourite programmes reviewed.
[edit] Scoops
Heat has been responsible for breaking some of the more notorious celebrity plumbing stories, such as:
- Grace from Big Brother 3 (or was it 6) being unable to fix a simple drain blockage
- Britney Spears buying overpriced piping from B&Q
- The Chuckle Brothers charging an old woman £500 for replacing a washer
- David Walliams driving an uninsured Transit at 90mph down the A690
- Jordan/Katie Price[2] continuously changing the size of her fittings
- The slow but eventual dissolution of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's Plan 9 Plumbing Co. Ltd
- Bradd Pitt quickly refitting his coupling to an alternative female connection with more rubbery lips and creating twin off-shoots inside
[edit] Family & Heritage
Heat comes from a family of British publications, descending from solid upper class stock. Its grandparents on its mother's side are The Financial Times and The Daily Telegraph. Heat’s mother, The Daily Mail, married The Suburban Fascist in January 1840, with the birth of The London Evening Standard following 10 months later. Sadly, the marriage soon floundered and Heat was the product of a loveless and tawdry affair between The Daily Mail and The Sunday Sport.
Although technically an illegitimate child, Heat is actually 71st in line to the British throne.
[edit] Trivia
- A copy of Heat was found next to Marilyn Monroe (not when she died, when she fell asleep on a train between Cardiff and Slough in 1958)
- Heat was responsible for the deaths of a number of soldiers in the French Foreign Legion, serving in Morocco
- The first edition of Heat is now a collectible, on occasion featuring on Michael Road's Antiques Aspel Show and being valued anywhere between £6,000,000GBP and a packet of chewing gum
- Previous editors of Heat Magazine have included
- Patsy Stone
- Sir Patrick Moore
- Anne Robinson
- Lesley Joseph & Lesley Judd (co-edited between 1971 and 1971and a half; the famous "Lesley months")
- Oscar Wilde
- Jade Goody
- The entire run of the 17-23 February 2003 issue of Heat was pulped when an story about Peter André's penis being shaped like spanner was deemed to to be libellous
- All issues of Heat published before 1923 are known to be haunted
