Helen of Troy

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[edit] Most Beautiful Douche Bag

Helen of Troy was supposedly the most beautiful woman to have ever lived. This is because fuckerate all 42,734 women and i didn't get any... that fucker who were better looking than she was. This feat took 6 months, and left her widely obese. However, as the only surving woman, she was a highly sought after prize, as the only thing men like better than fighting one another is getting laid.

[edit] The Trojan War

There is a common misconception that Helen was known as the face that launched a thousand ships. This is only sort of true. She was in fact the ass that lauched a thousand ships, as it was so large, it imploded, and became a black hole, which sucked the entire Greek fleet into its depths.

This pissed off the Greeks because they had decided they were much happier without women. They were fit, sexually satisfied, childless, and didn't have to put up with incessant whining.

Once they escaped, Helen was pregnant with a whole litter of children. This pissed off the Greeks, and they blamed Troy. They then started a war. During the war heaps of badass heroes were killed, like Commander James Bond, who was able to fly and some hippy named Xavier.

Actually, Xavier only faked being dead and successfully killed Achilles by eating his heel.

After many years of fighting, all the Greeks died of sex deprivation, as well as weak and overused butt muscles.

[edit] Helen's Role in the Downfall of Troy

The Greeks were getting their asses handed to them by the Trojans. This ass-whooping gave them an idea. If they lured out Helen, they would be able to sneak in to her bed room and get laid by the minuite. Luring her out with an assortment of meats and beans, they penetrated the ass. When Helen reentered the city, the beans caused an ungodly fart, which had the dual purpose of expelling the Greeks, and knocking out the Trojans, and so the Greeks won.so thay get all the pussy and trojans get it all up the ass