Helena Bonham-Carter

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Helena Bonham-Carter, relaxing out of costume and makeup

“I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Helena Bonham-Carter

“I consider her one of the great thespian talents of the century.”

~ T.S. Eliot on Helena Bonham-Carter

The daughter of drummer John Bonham and ex-American politician Jimmy Carter, Helena Bonham-Carter (not to be confused with Amy Winehouse) was born somewhere in Britain at some time in the last century. After a dull childhood she has emerged to become a decorated actor and a darling of Hollywood.

Bonham-Carter's acting career started when she was 12 years old. Her debut was in a Marathon television advertisement, in which she appeared as Oscar Wilde and notified Britain that the chocolate bar's name was being changed to Snickers.

By the age of 14 she had appeared in more than 7,000 movies. At the age of 17 she capitulated to Hollywood pressure and temporarily lost the first portion of her double-barrelled surname as well as her virginity to Ricky Schroeder. . By doing this she landed the title role in her auto-biographical screen adaptation 'Get Carter'.

Within a year she had reclaimed her full surname. Hollywood's wrath was severe, and acting roles dried up. This forced her to return to the British film industry, where she has appeared in numerous posh dramas.

The days in which she looked young and creamy are long gone. Nowadays she's always seen in public disheveled and smoking a cigarette.

Appeared controversially in Fight Club notably the scene in which having punched Brad Pitt to the floor she sits on his chest pinning his arms with her knees and whacks the shit out of him until she can't resist the craving for another fag and gets off him allowing him to be taken to the hospital - this was so controversial in the original screening that a special extra scene of her doing it to Meat Loaf and Edward norton were later added for the final version, in fact the director said that he had first got the idea for her having such scenes after he had hidden her fags in the hope that she might get on with some acting.

Over the years she has gone on gaining in stature and soon will be 5 foot 5".