Helmut
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“I love a bit of Helmut, me!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Helmut
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Robert Sylvester Fistandantilus (born January 18, 19XX in hell), who goes by the stage name of Helmut, is an R&B singer-songwriter, rapper and evil author who first appeared on the R&B scene in 19XX and came to dominate it throughout the 19XXs and in the current decade. A very successful hitmaker, his hits include "Cut & Paste" (19XX), "I Believe I Can Fart" (19XX), "Transmission Remix" (200X) and "Hiding Bodies in the Closet" (200X). Numerous pending allegations regarding his involvement with child pornography threaten to overshadow his fame as a musician.
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[edit] Biography
[edit] Early Career
By 19XX, Helmut started to develop his sound playing his armpits and becoming a street performer. He released his first single "Why You Wanna Be Gay With Me" with the group Beastie Boys on Evil Records in 19XX. His manager at the time, David Anez, introduced him to Jackie Chan at Author Records. Sometime around 19XX he met Superman. Superman became his full time manager after David Anez was sentenced to life in prison for running a sprite comic. In late 19XX Helmut was introduced to Roll Light, and his then group Public Embarassment recorded much of what would be "Born Into the 'XXs" at a recording studio Helmut leased. Within a few months, songs like "She's Got that Tumor", "Slow Death", "Decapitated", and "One Eyed Peter Love" would be the featured songs in Born Into the 'XXs, which was released several days after Helmut's 25th birthday in January 19XX. A huge R&B success, the album would yield the featured songs as the hits and would eventually be featured on planets Jupiter, Krypton, and Urth.
[edit] Sexual allegations
Allegations of Helmut's sexual activity with underage robots go as far back as 19XX, when several young robots claimed to have had sex with him. In 19XX, rumours surfaced that Helmut had married fellow singer Michael Jackson, which both Helmut and Michael denied. However, none of the prior reports reached the level of publicity that followed the release of a video tape in February 200X that allegedly showed Helmut and a 14-year-old robot belonging to Dr. Light, and a sister to world hero Megaman, engaging in sex. The tape, released by Hungy Hungry Hippos also known as HHH, was sent to the Daily Planet, the newspaper that broke the story. While witnesses have identified Helmut and the robot, the alleged robot herself and Dr. Light have denied that she is the robot receiving the golden shower shown on the tape. In June 200X, Helmut was indicted in Gotham for seven counts of soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography.
