Heresy
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“Heresy is something I've done a few times. Or is that DWI? Whatever, one leads to the other... I think... Damn I need a beer.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Heresy
“Heresy Grows from Idleness!”
~ Space Marines on Heresy, or Idleness... or both. Who knows?
I'm really going to get in trouble for writing this, but here goes...
The truth hurts. When you tell the truth to a weak individual, you may make that individual cry. This is called a "rude awakening". When you tell the truth to a large, powerful segment of society, they will tar and feather you and run you out of town. If this happens to you, congratulations! You have just committed heresy.
Contents |
[edit] Ancient Heresies
- The Earth is round
- Man evolved from monkeys
- Pork: the other white meat.
- The discovery that roast baby tastes good on sandwiches
- Neo isn't the one.
[edit] Modern Heresies
- The Earth is flat
- Man evolved from monkeys
- Michael Bolton is a talented, non-ass-clown
- Star Wars Episode One was better than Episode Five
- The 3 Matrix movies followed each other up precisely and made perfectly good sense.
[edit] Localized Heresy
Some heresies are considered as such only within certain groups. Such ideas might be accepted in some circles in the larger society, but prohibited only within aforementioned groups.
- Republicans: We could balance the budget by raising taxes.
- Democrats: Maybe these people don't need a special program/law.
- Rebel Alliance: there sure was a lot less crime when Palpatine was Emperor.
- Dorothy: there are other places just as good as home, if not better.
[edit] Punishments for Heresy
Punishments for heresy have varied throughout history. Ancient examples included a plague of frogs. Wait, no, that was for slavery. Ancient examples of punishment for heresy included getting an onerous set of new laws written in stone tablets. No, shoot, that one was for idol worship. Dagnabbit, I'm sure this used to be punished.
In the modern day U.S., heresy can be punished by getting invited to speak at the Republican National Convention. In England if convicted of heresy you have tea at 3:00 and they are burned alive at the stake. Also all Catholics are consider heretics in England. :) It's that GREAT!
[edit] Managing Heresy in the Future
Heresy is a serious problem in our society, and needs to be stopped cold. It is the opinion of this author that heresy should be punished severely, and that the ancient methods of punishment (frogs, floods, having spouses turned into pillars of salt, etc.) should be brought back into use for such a purpose. God is the only one who can administer most of these punishments, however, and frankly, He's been dropping the ball lately.
[edit] Chocolate
Heresy is also a popular brand of chocolate in the United States made in Heresy, Pennsyltucky. The name is related to the heresy mentioned above.
Additional notes: Though heresy is sometimes based on hearsay, they are not the same. Do not confuse the two. Anyone who asserts any fundamental relationship between them could find themselves in real trouble.
