Heterophobia
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Heterophobia is a condition which causes constant fear of straight people. Sadly this condition cannot be cured by modern medicine. Fundamentalists are so busy working on the cure for gayness that they forgot to look for a cure for this condition.
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[edit] Diagnosis
When around or with straight guys and girls, heterophobes report a constant urge to make fun of them and colour coordinate the person's outfit. They may sweat heavily, vomit, have uncontrollable bowl syndrome, and, allegedly, a high mortgage rate. Heterophobes attest to constant disgust towards people who date the opposite sex. They have been known to publicly scream "God, help me! I can't stand you people", or "I see straight people".
[edit] Treatment
Standard treatment is to attend GA (gays anonymous), also known as gay pride parades. The treatment includes the heterophobe facing their fears directly by marching down the street, being ridiculed by straight people. Another treatment for this disease is to strap the victim to a chair and force him (or her) to watch straight porn for several hours daily. This treatment, however, has been criticised for wasting tax payers' dollars on porn.
[edit] Rare Cases
Most cases involve gay people, but there have been rare cases of straight men suffering from this disease (and in an even rarer case; a beaver suffered from this, but that is a totally different story). These straight men are described by modern psychiatry as "totally screwed", and as a result the psychiatrist refuses to treat them. As psychiatrists are the only ones who can cure this disease, there is no hope for these people/beavers. Some epidemiologists have recommend euthanasia for such incurable diseases. If you see a heterophobic beaver please perform your civic duty and shoot them on sight to help remove them/it from the gene pool. Before you go and get your rifle, remember to get your state-sponsored heterophobia hunting license, which allows you to hunt straight heterophobes and beavers. As a extra bonus, some Southern states of the USA will allow you to shoot all the gays you want for only 15 dollar extra.
[edit] Religion and Heterophobia
Some priests, such as Fred Phelps, say that the only cure for Heterophobia is through Christ. Most say if you have this disease, you're certainly going to hell. Try not think of that as a bad thing, since gays were already going to hell (and beavers can't go to heaven). The Pope has declared that he just obtained his license and has already stocked his freezer. What he plans to do with the heterophobes is uncertain. Since the Pope was in Hitler Youth (you can take the Pope out of Nazi Germany, but can't take the Nazi out of the Pope), anything can happen to those heterophobes.
