Hextable

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“A quaint village with several 8 cans for a fiver outlets.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Hextable

Hextable - settled by the Vikings in 1852 comes from the Nordic "Hex" - "Table", the favoured 8-sided table used by Vikings to place young Virgins on and take them up the "Wrong'un", in between pillaging. Such Robust furniture pieces would also double up as dining tables and reproductions versions are available from outlets including IKEA and ILVA starting at £29-95.

During the 1892 a Planning Committee was formed to ensure consistency over the future development of homes within the Village. At the inaugural meeting the locally based Circumnavigator Walter Really introduced the Committee to a herbal remedy "Whakii Bhackii" and this is the reason that virtually no two homes in the village are the same design, build, layout, style or size.

Most residents of the village are Middle Class WASP's (White Anglo Saxon Person) who try their utmost to distance themselves to the Dole Claiming Pram Wielding Chavs of The Socialist Republic of Swanley.

Hextaburnites as they are know formed a strategic alliance with the Conservative Ruled Dutchy of Swanley Village in 1811 and swore to create a separate Tax-raising state at the earliest opportunity. As late as 2006 this promise was almost fulfilled with the verdict resting on the then Deputy Prime Minister of the Government of England until it was shelved after he was caught stabbing his Secretary with a cocktail sausage.

[edit] Culture

Hextable has a strong and vibrant culture that could rival many an Australian outback post.

As well as having no pubs or restaurants the village boasts particularly handy retail outlets such as a Bathroom shop, school uniform shop and a Planning Application shop.

[edit] Sport

Hextable has it's own Speedway circuit developed by the rich racing fraternity in the 1920's which runs throughout the Village. Sports mopeds are the more recent class of vehicles to race and the squealling pitch emitted by the Circumcised silencers can be heard at all times of the night and early hours of the morning. The object of the sport is not clear to the untrained eye but to the experienced pre-pubescent Sports Moped Racer the rules are clear;

Obtain a new or nearly new Sports Moped.
Have the exhaust professionally "Circumcised" so that it makes 500% more noise but provides no more power.
Drive erratically around the village in a tag-team group, giving villagers the "Finger" whenever the opportunity arises.
Finish at 3-00am and ride home to where Mummy and Daddy are sleeping peacefully.
Crawl into bed and sleep until 12pm whilst the rest of the village have been up and at work for 6 hours having had 3 solid hours sleep.
Wait for Mummy to wake you up, wipe your @rs3 and pack you off to school with a wholesome £2 to buy a Mars and a Can of Coke for breakfast.
Bunk off school all day hanging around the alleyways.
Repeat from Step (1)

The winner is the first rider to be wiped out by a milkfloat (on average 50mph faster than the average Sports Moped) or the first to become sterile from all the riding.