High School Kids
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As with everything in human nature, evolution is a constant process that brings about changes. So too does it change people, down to every aspect of their lives in the different levels of their lives. One of the important stages in anyone's life is the time during High School. It is also hands down the most hellish time of your life, and anyone who says otherwise will indeed be forced to walk the plank into a large vat of something that they're afraid of.
Like many things in life, High School Kids can be summed up, and this can be found to be especially handy for you grown-ups who don't know (or care) about High Schoolers. So, from someone who can tell you first hand how things seem to happen for the most part, here is the breakdown of High School Kids. For those High Schoolers who read this and are offended, the hell with you, you know that every delicious drop of this is true.
[edit] The Game Plan
The following is the basic break down of the cliques and trends that every and all high schoolers can fit into, some more snugly than others. A person is not chained to their clique, they can and for the most part will change some things around to suit themselves, losing friends and self-confidence during this time. Some people will transcend these cliques and be members of more than one, and either create a whole new clique or "Sub Clique" or just be ridiculed and forced to eat at the table with the kids that not only eat their boogers, but share other boogers openly with no regards to the consequences (kind of like communism). So read on, and think to yourself, where would you have fallen?
[edit] Jocks
A classic, and yet still a very firm leg in the table of High School politics. These kids are easily spotted, because most of the time, people are already looking at them, even the kids with no eyes. They blatantly display their affection for the sport they participate in, whether it be through T-shirts, sweaters, or their own jerseys. More often then not, their girlfriends (trophies) will also take pride in their sport by the previous attribute or giggling like mongoloids about how good their boyfriend can throw a dead pig's skin with the word "Wilson" written on the side of it. Jocks are the top rung on the ladder of the high school (see bottom article on the hierarchy) and they know it. From favours given by teachers on tests, to beating the hell out of the lower class citizens and making them feel insecure 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. You can spot the "Pure" jocks by their blatant disregard for other people. You'll know them by their stunning superiority complex and their need to make others feel bad. Another noticeable characteristic shared by 65% of the jock population is their impressively low IQ levels, and their outstanding ability to smell bad.
[edit] Dumb Girls
Also known as:
Yet another classic and a staple for American High Schools. Dumb girls can be found in most spaces in High Schools, and are spotted by their skimpy dressing techniques, giggling, and the strong, overpowering odour of the makeup department of Macy's, with just the right dash of scamp.
These girls, whether or not their attractive to the opposite sex, will always find a mate in this kingdom. This very well could be the reasoning behind their nonsensical actions which, with each passing day, fall, dragging the reputation of their sex down with them. Jocks are usually found with these girls, as they are the ones attracted to their innocent stupidity.
Other attributes include excessive gum chewing, hair twirling, poor grades, and a bizarre tick noise that proceeds and closes any serious conversation to be had. For more details, see the film Clueless, which is still indeed very accurate. Be warned however, you will be very sad thought the entire movie, ignorance of "Dumb Girls" is bliss, because it's impressive how f**king stupid they are.
[edit] Druggies
Yay for druggies! Without these people, we wouldn't have the backbone of our economy, like Roto Rooter or Pizza Hut! These are the kids who have literally smoked themselves retarded. They have turned to drugs and alcohol (mostly drugs) in an effort to rid themselves of the devastation that follows a High School Student day and night. They can be spotted by their spaciness, their remarkably highIQ, their increased motor functions, the way they are always moving their hands around and saying "woah", and their finding everything funny. EVERYTHING. They usually take little pride in their appearance, and gravitate towards one another, forming groups that travel and smoke together, like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys. These kids mean no one harm, they simply want to have a good time; can you blame them? It's either that or suicide. On a side note, it's okay to laugh at these kids, seeing as most people do already, including fellow druggies.
[edit] Borderline Hippies
An offshoot from the Druggy group is the borderline hippy group. Borderline hippies are generally identified by their infinite usage of the phrases "bro", "peace", and "what's good?", their wearing of hemp bracelets, their tendency to use shrooms instead of LSD despite shrooms are so fucking expensive, and their ability to somehow not flunk out of school. This group is plagued by posers, mainly of two types: 1) Kids who share all the views that hippies do but actually are just really die-hard Christians, and 2) A group of Russian spies (and friends) who disguise themselves as borderline hippies to gain a greater understanding of American culture, but end up gaining a greater understanding about their friendship. Most borderline hippies come from incredibly wealthy families, which is a problem because they say that they oppose capitalism. Really though, they wouldn't be like that without the money to back their lifestyle-that's why they are borderline hippies, not true ones. It is said that the last true hippies died out circa 3500 BCE when Zeus returned from that dreadful dinner at Yao Ming's house.
[edit] Gangsters
This category is not the most recent, but it has successfully made itself an immortal place in the High School system. These kids can be spotted by the bagginess of their outfits, however, they will match more often then not, do not assume they don't take pride in their appearance; they just like bagginess (it makes room for their guns). They can be spotted by their constant use of slang, their secret hand shakes, and a strange, almost musical speech pattern (except for the druggie gangstas which take up about 84% of the gangsta population; they can't talk well). Another notable characteristic is their scent, which is somewhere between expensive cologne and fluids that cars depend on to run. If you see a gansta, don't be alarmed. Much like the rattlesnake, they'll let you know if you should stay away. It's usually if their yelling or holding a gun and/or crossbow that you need to turn around and walk away. No fast movements! Don't ask them for hugs, either.
[edit] Wangstas
Gangsters, but white! Usually referred to as pansies and scallywags by their fellow ganstas; however, they are making themselves a staple in the economy. There are many great wangstas today, like Eminem and Cuba Gooding Jr. They're lovable in how they prove without a reasonable doubt that white people can't leave ANYTHING alone.
[edit] Band Kids
They play in the band. Their are two types of them, those that have lots of sex and those that don't. Band Kids only mate with other Band Kids. That's about it. The fat kids play tuba. Flutes are annoying as fuck. Trumpets and saxophones are the most sexually active.
[edit] Artsy Kids
These are the kids who take up an art class of any kind, and not just to get credit. They are obsessed with this being their future livelihood, and some are truly good at it. Others suck and will become secretaries. They can be noticed by their lack of self confidence and their poor appearance, mostly because they paint or shoot videos instead of pissing themselves up. When the "Zone" is entered (the point in which they function 97% to 100% in the art world), do not interfere, or you may be stabbed. These people are fun to talk to if they aren't completely obsessed with their medium and won't shut up about it. This can also be said for the jocks who are obsessed with their sport.
[edit] Geeks
The loveable staple in the poop shoot that is High School. The kids that try their hardest and come up top thirty in their class. Notable characteristics include the need for glasses or contact lenses (for the cool geeks) and a calculator that is almost permanently attached to their hand, not to mention a love of religion, and a dress code that resembles a sort of 1950's innocence (or shirts that are supposed to be funny but aren't; they're just stupid). An important thing to remember is the fact that these kids SUCK. Don't try to socialize with them. Geeks mix with geeks, THE END. Try not to smell them. Geeks also enjoy science-fiction films, books, and tv shows. Weird Al Yancovic is an idol to some geeks.
[edit] Freaks
Another staple in High School, and with a slight resemblance to the Geeks. Freaks are those who get it, who clearly understand, but there's something wrong. They almost always have a grotesque quality, whether it is nose picking or smelliness. These kids can always be found at their own table, and share common interests like Pokemon and the newest Sci-Fi channel original. An important thing to remember is that freaks could make something out of themselves, they simply lack the impetus.
[edit] Prissy Chicks
A cousin of the dumb girls, a sort of off-shot if you will. It's rare to find a prissy chick with a high IQ, but they aren't that dumb. These girls are parasites, and make you angry every time you see them. They thrive off of making people feel bad because they have realized how much they truly suck, yet they cannot come to grips with it. Stay away from these girls, they bite. For more information see Mean Girls, and the local nail/tanning salon (look for the girls who act like they own the place).
[edit] The Mediocres
Yet to truly make a splash on account of their rarity, the Mediocres (also filed under Misc.) share two common factors: one, they truly don't belong to any clique and two, they have virtually no enemies. They can and will befriend everyone, and as hard as you try, you cannot get angry at a Mediocre, mostly because it takes a talent to get a Mediocre mad at you; a true act of betrayal is necessary. These kids are also mediocre, as their name suggests, at doing things.
[edit] Goth
Like the Gangsta, the Goth has made itself a burrow in the High School Garden, and it's here to stay. These kids can be spotted by their dark clothing and prissy attitudes. They hate the world, and truly believe they can take it on. When they enter the real world, they find themselves mistaken, but they'll keep the chain pants tucked in the back of their closets and minds. Goth kids also like to beat the shit out of themselves, and are usually guilty of some form of self-mutilation due to their depression and suicidal tendencies.
[edit] Emos
A wretched spawn of Goth. Emo kids share many traits with Goths, except for one important piece. Instead of believing the world is stupid and they're smart, they believe that the world is stupid, big, mean, and hurts them all the time. They need hugs, and they like to show off how sad they are by thinking about death all the time and how it'll be fun to get killed. It's these people who usually end up handing out smiley stickers at Wal-Mart. You will most likely find emos sitting in corners with a razor blade in one of their hands.
[edit] Screamo
New to the scene, Screamo kids are somewhat like Emo kids, sharing their dress code and the like, but they all listen to bands that scream their music. It's not difficult to find one that may have your common interests, but their outrageous outfits and pissed off teenager actions usually turn people off. You can always tell a Screamo kid by the key chains he or she possesses; they'll always have a lot of useless shit hanging from a belt loop on either their left or right side, so they sound like janitors.
[edit] Scene
Another newbie and this one is yet another evolution from Emo. These kids wear makeup, a shit ton of make up. That's it. They're usually unattractive, but they're worse with the makeup. These kids feel bad all the time too, and dress in completely black outfits, or wear a mix of "goth" clothing and the latest American Eagle apparel. They're also not big fans of the sun, like Emo kids. The male members of Scene will wear women's clothing (not dresses, although I’m sure they do on occasion when no one is there). Tight jeans, shirts, and hoodies are the accepted apparel of Scene kids, it constricts the testicles and that's why they smoke cloves.
[edit] Shy Kids
Often similar to the artsy kids, these kids may seem gentle and innocent but are actually part of an evil, barbaric secret society if not super heroes or serial murderers. These kids seem completely uninterested in other people, but read a lot of books. This is because they prefer the comforting personality of books to companionship of fellow humans, and books are their social life. There is another type that actually tries to socialize, but they come out as very plain and uninteresting. However, they all have one thing in common. They're all completely terrified of people.
[edit] Huggy (Otaku) AKA "Twinkies"
Leftovers from the Freak-Geek split of 2002, these are usually white kids, more often Wapanese then not. They hang out in the library or stairwell all day every day, talk in shrill voices, and proclaim to the entire world that they have no interests other than each other and anime with every step they take. They typically wear the same clothes and badges every day, never stop touching each other, and drink a lot of green tea. Mostly of indeterminate sex and orientation, though they'll each talk incessantly about their boyfriends/girlfriends as loud and often as they can. Recognizable by always being extremely short, usually obese, moving in packs of at least a dozen, and hogging the computers every day to look up the same anime that they already know too much about.
[edit] Ginger kids
Ginger kids are kids with white skin, freckles, and red hair like Carrot Top or Ron Weasley from Harry Potter. These kids have no souls, and eat the souls of the living. Sunlight will kill them, as will excessive amounts of water like a swimming pool. Those who share only one of these traits, either the skin or the hair are known as day walkers, they're almost okay, but not quite. For more information, see the South Park episode that came up with this. It is best not to annoy them as they will fight well when pissed off, and then make off with your soul. Also, they will lead Satan's unholy army on the day of the revolution. Either bribe to them or go hide behind God like a little pussy. Go on.
[edit] Fat kids
Fat kids have their own group on account of the magic of segregation. These kids usually are the funniest ones, both intentionally and unintentionally. They do well in class and have the funniest laugh if you tickle them. Male fat kids are well dressed. Female fat kids dress like skinny dumb girls to make themselves feel better, but this is devastating to anyone else with eyes. God bless fat kids though, the world wouldn't work without them, they are the ones to become the bosses of major corporations; either that or they will become Santa Claus.
[edit] Asian Kids
Good at math. And yo-yo's. Also, they have the odd ability to excel at any subject... except American Literature, they suck at that. Their accent is terrible and they seem pissed 99.9% of the time when they happen to speak. You can usually spot them in a computer room playing either Maplestory or World of Warcraft
[edit] Cheerleaders
This covenant is a sort of melting pot. This can vary from school to school, more often than not, it's the prettiest and most popular girls in the school who make up the Cheerleaders. On occasion, unattractive girls will join the squad to make themselves feel better, but they soon regret their choice when they show off their tree trunk legs and tummy rolls in the skimpy outfits. On occasion, an actually nice person can be in the squad, but it is rare. Also, male cheerleaders can join, but their reputation will indeed be shattered like your grandfather's hip when I throw him down the stairs (which I just did as you read this article, pay more attention to your elders!). For the most part, the Cheerleaders are just a bunch of bitches in skirts who like to torture men, and for the most part, they suck, except for the rare few who shouldn't be in the cheerleading business, they should be doing something more valuable with their time like shaving cats and playing lawn darts.
[edit] Other
If you find that you don't fit in any category, than congratulations, you’re a normal person. Now go out into the world and don't be a tool or else the Jocks will kick your ass.
[edit] Hierarchy
Like any long standing organized group of people, high schools have class systems. An important thing to remember is that once a person is in a class system, they can never go up in the ranks; however, it is very easy to fall. Let's hear it for segregation! The class system goes a little like this...
[edit] Cream of the upper crust
To get in here, you need to be one of two things, either a jock who is indeed talented (quarterbacks always get here) or come from a wealthy family. That's about it.
[edit] Upper crust
These are the popular kids. On account of their popularity, they are able to attend any party, any gathering, and any event they wish to, even those hosted by the cream of the upper crust. The Mediocres are always here, but never by choice (you just have to love them so LOVE THEM). Cheerleaders almost always get here, unless they are hated by the rest of their squad, which happens. Athletes in important sports (everything but track and cross country) also make it into this category, except if their shunned by the team. Other than that, the only remaining members of this class are sexually active attractive people. Oh, and gangstas, they're there too.
[edit] Crust
The sort of necessary people. These are the kids who take part in school activities; whether you like them or not makes no difference. For the most part, these people suck a whole hell of a lot, but there's nothing you can do about it. Don't get them angry, however, they have the ability to turn the faculty against you!
[edit] Lower crust
These are the talented kids, both nerds and artsy people who will eventually make something of themselves. However, for now, they are on the lower part of the totem pole, almost to the part that's underground, but not quite. These kids get beaten up a lot and lead bizarre struggled lives, but it's all part of their growing and evolving talent. These kids are usually the ones to make stuff happen, but they never get credit. They also go on adventures of magical sorts, in which their lives are in peril, but they don't prioritize their lives, so it doesn't make much of a difference. They all, however, have a dark side, and they could kill you with no regret while your back is turned. Believe you me, they think about killing you all the time. They're thinking of it right now...
[edit] Pie Pan Grease
Druggies, Wangstas, Goth, and Goth offshoots. These people make up the bottom of the barrel. They're not invited to the party, but they'll come anyway. Few of these people will become anything important, but few, after high school, can rise above their influence and reach for the stars. But even they will die in a horrible way so who gives a shit.
