High school girls
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“BECAUSE I LIKE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS AND STUFF”
~ Azumanga Daioh on reasons for becoming a high school teacher
“That's what I love about these high school girls. I get older and they stay the same age.”
~ Oscar Wilde on High school girls
A breed of humans that are, like, totally selfish, stubborn? and are targets of marketing companies? High school girls frequently communicate using the words "like", "totally", and the phrase "Oh, my God!" in an effort to like eliminate the need for, like, thinking prior to, like, speaking? They also, like, make every sentence sound like a question? They also, like, use commas, way too much, and stuff? High school girls usually smell, of soap, shampoo, and the guys? Oh, my God! Ok. Oh, my God!
It is most definitely rumored, that high school girls often dream of large octopuses, leaving them dumbfounded in all they do? "It's their suction cups that turn me on," quotes one high school girl. This may lead one to believe, that girls are about as useful as printer paper, in that once you use them, you wind up losing track of them or throw them away. High school girls, unlike regular girls and women, are composed of a slight mixture of silicon and saturated fats, making them abnormally large if exercise is not part of a daily routine. Also girls who are on their period (where unusual farting occurs) will tend to be more rubbery and obnoxiously stupid than before. They also tend to develop elemental powers during this time period.
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[edit] Behavior
According to some striking new statistics, 107% of high school girls subscribe to the following life style:
- Sleeping
- Working on hair or makeup
- Getting drunk
- Not being able to go to a concert/assembly/whatever without screaming and thus breaking everyone's eardrums
- Stupid
- Hyperactive
- Always talking
- Travel in groups called cliques, which results from the sound their shoes make when they--oh my god, here they come now, oh God. Please don't look at me, please. I'm not worthy. No, wait, look at me. Say you'll go out with me, super hot high school girl who is so out of my league that an ice cube would have a better chance in hell. Please, please, please, please. She's stopping! She's looking at me! She's--pointing and laughing. My life is over! *sob*
- Like I was trying to say, clique sounds like click, which is a noise their shoes make *sniffle* when they walk away after breaking your heart. *sob*
- Cry when they have bad notes.
- Always have bad notes
- Not being able to talk for three minutes without obnoxious laughter
- Having big parties
- Phoning/text-messaging friends/IMing during all of the above. They will send text messages during anything and everything, including oral or the other, better kind of sex.
- Getting pregnant
- not being able to be without friends for 12 secounds with out reacting as if they have never seen each other for a year.
- Lack all internal logic
- Buttsecks, during which they usually send text messages.
- Excuse me, there are some of us who actually pay attention to worldly issues and who actually have no life, like all you losers, and think nerds are HOT!
- have every rainbow color gel pens to take notes
- like is the favorite word of all times.
[edit] What the High School Girls Wear
[edit] Types of high school girls
OK, there are many types of girls at a high school? Some are cute? Some are nice? Few are actually virgins. And something else? Whatever? Like I care? And some have learned how to asexually reproduce whilst talking on a cell?
[edit] Cheerleaders
The most sought after breed of high school girl. These particular girls are most often watched by the bald, overweight fathers of the local high school football team. They absorb energy from the sun, due to the lack of nutrition from a nonexistent diet. Cheerleaders resemble typical high school girls, only more so. They have also developed the power to "drain". This is done by talking so fast and so unintelligibly in a high pitched voice, that the victim of the "drain" loses most motor functions and goes into standby mode, which involves staring at the huge boobs. A cheerleader's diet consist mainly of flavored lubricant and the occasional celery stick, both of which they immediately throw up.
[edit] The Goth
These Germanic high school girls originated in China, LOL and plagued the Roman Empire for centuries, finally sacking Rome itself. Typically freaky weird witch-chicks, they usually wear black clothes and bondage pants and/or lacy and frilly crap. Many are hardcore (a codename for a "poser".) Also, a large number of them can turn into crows, or other black birds. They listen to music that is not really music (ex. Eternal Tears of Sorrow), but who's gonna argue with a fricking witch, especially when they've sacked Rome? Anyway, they are fucking creepy. But no one says that to their face or because they will totally call upon freaky powers of darkness to summon freakier massive swords they will use to harvest your blood for lunch. Typical diet: Their own blood that they get by cutting themselves or others that stand in their path to suicide. Of course the goth girls are'nt always bad, sometimes they burn villages with a smile, other times they've been known to only shove seven swords up your ass for insulting them on their physical appearances.
[edit] The Prep
Preps like to wear bright clothing, and they use this brightness to acquire the predetermined mating partners for the preps: the jocks. The preps usually have small boobs due to the fact that they evolved them to come closer to the jocks by having a more slight resemblance (the jocks have small boobs too). Also, since the iq of a prep is in the -23s, they usually cluster in a network of slutty idiocy in order to enable their brains to work. In this format, do NOT attempt to bother them, as they may come up with a comeback to anything witty you say. (if you give them a few minutes and see like umm, you're sooooo weird as a comeback)
[edit] The Flipper
Flippers (not to be confused with the dolphin) are also known as Flipsies may look like any normal teenage girl but often behave in contradictory ways (common of most girls but even more so.) They may be shy and smart during class but after school they may turn into sarcastic loud jokers. One will never ever have even a hinting of what this kind of girl is thinking (not that anyone does about ANY girl). Is she going to stab you in your sleep, or is she going to pour tapioca pudding on the carpet and start dancing and singing "I'm Evil and a Heathen"
[edit] Trendy GLBT Teenagers
The trend towards "heteroflexibility" has produced scores of teenage girls who are bisexual or bicurious or like to tell people they are lesbians. Some religious types take offense, but like, they kiss in the halls and grab each other, and if you have a problem with it, deal with it! They come in many shapes and sizes, namely tall, grande, and venti. This type of teenage girl looks like other teenage girls, and often eats GLBT sandwiches.
[edit] The Band Chick
You can't fake your guitar playing or whatever instrument you play, and impress them. Oh, and she'll start talking about how you should walk by roll stepping, high stepping and to keep your horn angles 10 degrees from the ground and keep the notes.....you get what I mean. Basically, in order to get her, you're gonna have to join the band. But believe me, once you do, these girls turn into freaks...not like freaky goth chick freaks, but the happy-good-funtime freaks.
[edit] Azn girl
Asians are usually the smartest girls in the school. They usually take Algebra 2 or Calculus their freshman year (statistics prove that only 1 out of about 92,193,756,304 Asians are in or Algebra 1 in high school), and they take up 95% of the school orchestra. When they see a piano, it is their nature to run over to it and start playing Chopin's Revolutionary Etude flawlessly. The only way you have a chance with them is if you take all advanced classes, play 5 instruments, and have a lot of money. Or if you happen to be an Azn Male. But most Azn girls like white guys in those classes, or just stupid white guys that are really hot. There are also some Azn girls who are - gasp - preppy ! And some of them, like, actually have lives and play sports and have friends and, like, aren't in the band ! Omg ! Shocker !
[edit] Dancer
If your school has a dance team, there's a good chance there are girls on it. A lot of them are cheerleaders. They like to act like sluts during prep rallies, but the teachers just see it as an art form. If you're a guy, you don't have much of a chance, seeing as most girls on the dance team are not going to stay with one guy for more than 2 days, and the ones that aren't sluts are lesbians. Joining the dance team will get you nothing, because then they'll become your fag-hags.
[edit] Emos and Scene
At this time (although this changes about every five years) Emo is the most common high school girl. They involve dying their hair and trying to be different, but in doing so look the same. They love to act angsty and be, like, "You took me off your top 8! imma kill myself and smoke pot!!!" Then show up the next day, neither high, nor a zombie. Scene kids are even worse than Emo. Scene kids commonly sport looks such as "Drooling Dinosaur", and "Pukey Polka Dot". They "pretend to be Emo", but if the Emos' are already pretending, what are they pretending to be? They are also obsessed with ninja turtles, My Chemical Romance and many other " Emo" bands. Many of them choose to hang on to childhood relics, such as a girl with a "hot wheels" backpack. None of their clothes fit them properly, their haircuts are asymmetrical, and their bitchy natures make them seem like femi-nazi lesbians, which many of them are, and if you got a problem with that, deal with it!
[edit] The Eternal Mystery
In many years of research, there has been one unanswered question about the high school girl: why do they all go to the bathroom together? Some speculate that they masturbate each other in sexy lesbian orgies in there; others say that they tend to talk about boys and crushes and the like; a few say that they simply go together so that they don't appear alone and friendless; still others believe that there is always one dumb girl in a group who needs the help of other girls to successfully get everything out alright. The truth is that...we don't know. (if you'd like to know, tell me.)
(From a highschool girl pack leader) 0.0 - The intelligent girls go in there to do handheld gaming, handheld masturbation, and handheld sword fighting. We also slowly create our plans to kill the hotter and sluttier girls, becuase they take all the hot guys. stupid girls spend their time fucking in here. ~I wonder why the "intelligent" girls don't realize they will get all the hot guys in college, which is where you go when you are smart, hence no stupid sluts to steal the guys.~
[edit] Real High School Girl Quotes
These have actually been uttered by high school girls within my hearing.
- "that's gay!"
- "I watch you all the time in the hallway. I love everything about you, like the way your eyes change color with your very mood."
- "(In an e-mail) HaHa i was in the park today and my nephew ran up to a dog in the park and i was like so worried i thought it was going to kill him or like something. It was a nice dog. I was glad. 8D"
- "i'm going to rape our chemistry teacher."
- "(In an e-mail)im trying to eat an orange right now but i can't peel it. My dad usually does it for me."
- "Didn't Jesus, like, turn bread into fish or something?"
- "Like, he ain't gonna put it in mah butt on da firs' date... das on da second date!"
- "Like, I would do it wit a guy, I'd do it wit a hawt girl, I'd do it wit a dawg if I was drunk, but I would not do it wit a fat guy!"
- "bitch, you don't know me!"
- "Volcano insurance? Oh, like in case you get run over by a volcano!"
- "Ohmygawd I panicked! at the disco way before you even got there."
- Upon looking at the menu at a Seafood restaurant: "Razor Clams? Wouldn't that hurt to eat razors?"
- "But if it's an arms race, but how will they run? On their hands?"
- "Because its a World War!"(when asked why other countries joined WW1)
- "Does, like, two seconds count as doing it?"
- "So if sperm has sugar in it, why doesn't it taste sweet?"
- "It's hot as balls in here."
- "Because the senses for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue, not the back of your throat."
- "No you dumb cunt, thats a common misconception, all the taste buds taste the same"
- "No you fucktard, it's true, who spoon-fed you that bullshit, the Kansas Board of Education?"
- "Wasn't the big bang the thing that god used to kill the dinosaurs?"
- "What's Vietnam?"
- "It's high time for pie time!"
- "I love Europe. Its my most favorite country, right behind Italy."
- "I don't want to be independent on my own, ok." (before using the restroom in a group)
- "What's Communism?"
- "Switzerland sided with Germany and Italy in World War II."
- "So the core of the earth is really cold?"
- "Oh My God, I would totally bang Adriana Lima!"
- "I wasn't choking...I just couldn't breathe."
- "So, was the USSR like, a submarine?"
- "Who is Canada's president?"
- "Let's just move people to Canada, they don't use it anyways."
- "You dumbass, it's called Canadia."
- "Like, don't use your fancy words on me, k? I so totally know what hypocrite means."
- "It's like, no one takes me seriously or something."
- "So the presidents of countries attend UN meetings right"?
- "Dog is to canine as cat is to feline as cow is to..beef?"
- "Why is it such a big deal if Jesus had a kid or not?"
- "Isn't he that racecar driver?"(when asked about Jimi Hendrix)
- "You got me all wet!"
- "What's a civil war?"
- "Wait...there's like, schools in Las Vegas?"
- "Oh my gosh, I just got a 264 on my SATs, that's like an A plus plus!"
- "I cant open this door!(door pops open, she falls ass backwards) Ow! hahah"
- "I gave birth to my son last summer." (in a sex ed class)
- (in a geography class) "is'nt England lyk floating on the sea< so lyk could u swim under it?"
- "Was Shakespeare English?"
- "What's a block?"
- "So Germany was against us at one point?" (While having a classroom discussion on WWII)
- (Upon seeing the miracle of Jiffy Pop for the first time) "I didn't know you could make popcorn like that...I thought they discovered popcorn when they invented the microwave!"
- "It's like...you know, like...way cool...like I was like so excited, like, yeah.
