Hillbilly Nation
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[edit] ...And The Home of The Idiots...
The Hillbilly Nation started out as a suicidal island for Polar Bears until the Hillbillys came from Canada. When they came to this island, they were looking for a home to eat dead bears, make a stupid cartoon caracter live in tempatures up to 10,000 degrees and live a life of sorrow. Lucky for them, they found their match. An island that goes up to 12,000 degrees, a bunch of dead polar bears, and they lived a sorrowful life.
The Hillbillys were kicked out of Canada in 1808 by the High Ruler of Everything. (No one knows why he was appointed; he was always stoned and/or sleeping. However, there are suspicions that the public misinterpreted the name. Never trust consumerism.) While they were being kicked out, they underwent the painful and usually rather pointless process of "accent switching". The way it goes is, insane grizzly bears come and rip your 15,900,675,867,465th strand of hair out. They then do the Crazy Sit-Up-Straight Dance (previously called the Crazy Fantastic Dance) on your soul. Then they make you sing the alphabet a certain number of times depending on the accent you previously had and the accent you want to have. Cash or credit? Transaction complete. The Hillbillys were looking for said characteristics in a new home. They found the place by climbing the Ladder of Success. Unfortunately, the Ladder of Success was missing its rugs. They had to do with the Bottomless Pit of Success. They fell through and found their new haven. After killing all the Native Americans within view, they proceeded to pee where they wanted and live in peace, just Doin' What Comes Nat-'Ra-Lyyyyyyyyy.
[edit] Furniture
Furniture in the Hillbilly Nation was a lot different than what we have today. What we sit on is a chair. (Every idiot should know that). Well, these hillbillys were...let's call them Super-Idiots. What we have that we call a Christmas Tree was their chair. Our Notebook was their toilet. Our Telephone was their shower. (Doesn't make sense. Where did the water come out? This is probably why Hillbillys are known for being unclean.) Our Water was their computer.
The way they came up with this mystifying system of furniture was through the book The Deist's Bible: Why Did I Ever Write This? It's A Load of Crap by Oliver Winkledoodle. Taking the chapter on "How To Rearrange Reality: Furniture and Cows" to heart, they began to use their crazy telekinetic abilities to milk trees and make Cow Pies, which they then began to eat. (Being Super-Idiots, they read the chapter backwards, believing it had some sort of Satanic meaning.) They threw the Pies up, forming their "furniture".
This furniture was widespread by the public's tendency to believe that whatever the person in charge did was "cool". As there were rumors that the High Ruler of Everything was using this "furniture", Hillbillys began to upchuck Cow Pies and use the "furniture". (The rumors were true, oddly enough, but of course, he was stoned at the time.)
[edit] When Opra Came
When Opra Came to the Hillbilly Nation, she solved all of their problems. Except that see was a theif!!! When they wanted her to split an apple in 4 different ways, she did. But she took one piece for herself. A year later, she went to prison for a crime called "Apple-Theft". When Opra came out of Jail, she went to start her own talk show in chicago where she helped couples about to be divorced seek revenge on each other. Later on she went to kill her own husband with a spoon. After she killed her husband she went into a movie called Octopuses In Pain With Monkeys Sing Along Song. The movie got a quater of a star out of 5 stars. Then opra's acting carer fell to the ground. A year later she died of a disease called Opra Winfrey Titus. She died at the age of 8.
[edit] Life Style
Hillbillys lived a life of sorrow when they lived in caves with spiders, llamas, and hobos. (Hobos were considered an animal back then.)
