Hippies

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“Free Sex and Drugs or Vietnam. Which would you have picked?”

~ Old Hippie Dude on hippies

“...Oops.”

~ God on Creating hippies

The common hippie. Hippies are extremely dangerous to humans and should only be approached when packing ultra-conservatism.

1 Hippies, man!
- 1.1 Black hippies, brotha!
2 Groovy sounds, man!
3 Trippin' drugs, man. Whoa...
4 Free love!
5 Peace out, man! Fight the power!
6 Decline and Fall of the Hippies, man...
7 See Also
8 References

[edit] Hippies, man!

Like, Hippies (homo groovius) are a semisentient subspecies of humanity that first evolved in the 1960s and are now mostly extinct, man. The result of experimental drug testing on bunny rabbits, hippies transformed the face of the United States and Great Britain. The hippie race was characterized by their outtasite vibes, psychedelic drugs, smelly odors, obscenely long hair, and above all, the tendency to "fight the power." Hippies were extremely active in both politics and sex, and often confused the two. Liberal tendencies and fornication are now thought of as the reason for overpopulation in the world today.

[edit] Black hippies, brotha!

Black hippies had soul, ma brotha. They had the grooove. Outtasite!

Brotha, black hippies are a subspecies of the hippie subspecies, making them a subsubspecies, you dig? Black hippies differ from conventional hippies in that they got style. Black hippies were noticeably blacker, wore more bling, and were more likely to not work for the man every night and day.... Black hippies were more violent than other hippies and more likely to belong to a secret society like the Black Panthers or the Nation of Islam. Fo' shizzle.

[edit] Groovy sounds, man!

The Beatles became a force within American culture as good-old American transvestites from Liverpool, England. As their fame grew, however, they began to experiment with new looks to reflect their changing tastes, notably hippie culture. This resulted in a huge popularity spike that has lasted into today.

Like, most hippies didn't know they were hippies until some one told them in a song, man. It started when Alan Ginsberg, Maharishi, Bob Dylan, Ira Ram Dass, ABBA, and, like, the sultans of cool, The Doors, all started listening to Cleary (no relation to marble of same name) rant about the Thardo Bodal - The Tibetan Book of Like, Wow! which was instant enlightenment through sacred LSD ingestion OR smoking the dried skin of Sahara bananas. The catch was it all leads to NOthingness - if you can dig that. This message of "Make Love Not War in the Void" was propounded by such psych bands as Jefferson Starship, The Misunderstood, as well as smaller, unknown bands like the Beatles (who not only were hippies, but transgenders as well). We're talking, like, psychedelic music here. Catch my drift? If you can't SEE your music then you’re not listening to a Psychedelic or Hippie tune. In 1969, scientists from all over the world gathered near Woodstock to observe the largest recorded hippie gathering in history. The groovy rhythms provided by hippie bands like The Who drove thousands of hippies into a mating frenzy that was dutifully recorded in every orgiastic detail by numerous researchers... man.

[edit] Trippin' drugs, man. Whoa...

Like, generally thought of as the defining trait in hippies are the copious amounts of narcotics and hallucingens that make up the hippies' diet, man. In the 1960s, the marijuana, LSD, crack cocaine, and smoked Sahara banana peels that was pumped into the U. S. for President Lyndon B. Johnson's personal enjoyment was piling up. In a grandiose show of kindness to the lesser races, LBJ gave most of it to the hippies scattered across the nation. When critics accused LBJ of being on drugs at the time for getting rid of so many good drugs, LBJ stopped them and said-- "Hey! Hey! Whoaaa....." Drugs left hippies in a state of constant stoned-ness, which some claimed to be Nirvana. However, hippies often made easy targets for hunters. This is a contributing factor to the next sectio... hey, man... whoa... groovy.... I love you, pretty colors..... *crack* thud

[edit] Free love!

Like, Hippies reproduced constantly, any place^[1], any time, any one, man. For ugly people, it was an amazing time. The mating process was very simple, one only had to say, "come on baby, light my fire" and you were goin'. However, for that extra advantage, hippies often refrained from showering for years at a time, which created a distinct smell of body odor that tended to attract female hippies intent on producing mini hippie babies. The intoxicating mix of human stench, pot smoke, and a ritualistically applied patchouli oil creates a natural hippie pheromone that's like cosmic moonbeams and sunshine rainbows... you know what I mean, dude, man...? The complete and total free love, man, had several setbacks that contributed to the downfall of hippies in the '80s, namely, AIDS and you. Both diseases slowly but surely killed off thousands of hippies in the '80s, and remains a major cause as to why you are so messed up.

[edit] Peace out, man! Fight the power!

Like, as hippies have no jobs/friends/life, they are constantly bored and aggravated, man. They worship the Hippie Bible, which features commandments such as "Love thy nectar" and "Thou shalt not bathe." A major part of this religion involves interrupting actual hard working people in an act they call "protesting." Hippies picked up a variety of different issues to yell at people about, like the Vietnam War, saving the trees, helping the environment, the Vietnam War, abortion, world peace, along with more specialized issues like black power, the women's liberation movement^[2], and the Vietnam War. Each hippie had his or her own pet protest, man. Hippies often chanted prayers during their protest/worship service. The most famous of these invocations went "Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids didja kill today?" The wide variety of protests that hippies chose from was comparable to Protestant sects and denominations.

[edit] Decline and Fall of the Hippies, man...

Like, in the 1982's the hippie population was brought to the brink of extinction due to changes in the environment, man. Number one, rampant neoconservatism caused a multi-fold decrease in retardation, chill vibes, and douchebaggery, the three main food sources of the common hippie. This happened at the same time as a massive increase in the common hippie's two main predators, AIDS and reality. Reality especially had a heavy toll on hippies. Reality is a fearsome predator and merciless hunter of hippies, and is well equipped to do so, with basic reasoning skills as much as twice as long as any other predator, as well as a thick coat of dignity which absorbs both consciousness and social justice, which are hallucinogenic compounds excreted by hippies for self defense. Despite the creation of federally managed hippie reserves such as San Fransisco, Boulder, and Seattle, the common hippie still faces threats from environmental toxins such as self respect. In recent years focus has again been paid to the plight of the hippie due to media coverage of controversial programs to cross breed hippies with the northern white trash methhead to produce a hybrid known as "Ravers" or "Club Kids". So far their offspring have been infertile. Unfortunately,we may have to resign ourselves to the fact that the only hippies our children will know will be in zoos.... man.

[edit] See Also

[edit] References

↑ Doing it swinging from lampposts was especially popular.
↑ The Beatles were very involved in this particular movement, and often burned their bras several times a day in front of Capitol Hill.