Hobbit
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“I own three of them as pets, Frodo cost me my left kidney”
“They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!”
“I fucking hate hobbits...”
“Hobbits are quite like leprachauns. They suck balls for money, and their part Irish”
~ Leprachauns on Hobbits
“Why would you make this page. You have made me and my boyfriend Sam seem wierd, like we are! Gandalf will now need to magically fuck me. AGAIN!”
~ Frodo on Uncyclopedia
Hobbits are the only known species to be able to live against the power of Chuck Norris. They're like little cockroaches but more... Fagish.
Hobbits are on sale at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart can afford to put their hobbits on sale because they are imported from Uzbekistan, where hobbits are mass-produced by sweat-shop wageless fools making tree fitty a month. Ironically, Hobbits at Wal-Mart also cost tree fitty.
Hobbits make a light and lively snack. They are remotely related to the rubbish, an animal with very long ears, and are also known as Romanians.
They are to be confused with feral midgets. If they don't get their Woodbines, hobbits get aggressive.
As seen in The Lord of the Rings, the hobbits are a bunch of hole-dwelling pot smokers. They consider a day wasted if they havnt eaten a pantry of cakes and smoked their midget ass's out. When confronted with the question of "Are you smoking Pot?" they start to rave on about the weed of the south-farthing and how they were Middle-Earth's first stoners. Hobbits tend to marry their relatives. This may account for their stunted growth and hairy feet.
The Hobbit (the book) was known as El Hobbitto, until Woolworths bought it out.
There is an unwritten rule among Hobbits that if one of them goes on a mission, he must be accompanied by one male gay hobbit. The purpose of this rule is in the fact that gay hobbits are of stronger character than straight hobbits who have a tendency to puss-out very often. After the mission is over, another unwritten rule says that the gay hobbit must be married to the hottest girl in town. All hobbits agree that is a stupid rule, even the gay hobbits. Because of that rule, many hobbits aren't quite sure who their father is.
Hobbits are a group of main characters in Star Wars Saga alongside with Darth Vader.
Recently hobbits have been seen outside the shire in the north west of england in the town of barrow. Early reports say his name is Adam Gawne but we cannot be sure, in the same area there have been sightings of a ginger haired hobbit of a similar size but we dont know anything else about her.
Hobbits have special hairy feet that allow them to play the popular sport among hobbits, hobbit foot wrestling. This game has now stretchedto the human world with the average man now seen to be playing in many oubs across the country.
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[edit] What is a hobbit?
A Hobbit is a small person such as a baby, midget or dwarf, although a dwarf in the book The lord of the rings or The Hobbit is not a Hobbit, it's a dwarf, dwarves as in human dwarves are hobbits due to them being small, small people are also hobbits, although in the lord of the rings and the hobbit, humans and dwarves are not hobbits, there little men (and women sometimes) who live in ireland and have pubes on the head, hands and feet, i like pubes but thats a different story, a good story with hobbits in is lord of the rings, or the hobbit, if you are wondering what a hobbit is, please read this article again, more thoroughly.
[edit] The Origin of The Hobbit
Tolkien: Well, I haven't sold that trilogy yet, maybe a children's book as a prequel!
Mrs. Tolkien: A children's book! But, J.R., you *scare* children. Even little Chris can barely look at you without sobbing!
Tolkien: Nonsense; the boy's just not used to the graduate students that follow me around. They are rather scary, what with their red eyes and long teeth. They should get more sun.
Mrs. Tolkien: I don't know, J.R. What do you know about children?
Tolkien: I know they like cute, dwarfish fuzzy creatures. Young Chris likes that Teddy Roosevelt bear the nanny got him, doesn't he?
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R., that *is* the nanny. It's not her fault she's from Manchester.
Tolkien: Jolly good. The book will be about a hideous hair-covered forty-nine year-old agoraphobe like her.
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R.! That's horrible!
Tolkien: It's not horrible; it's folklore! Good old English folklore is full of tales of tiny half-bestial things living in rat-infested stables and servant's quarters, drinking milk, milking the goats, making shoes and cleaning up. You know, charming peasant things.
Mrs. Tolkien: J.R., really! A children's book? About linguistics and starring a middle-aged boggart?
Tolkien: Well, yes. We could put the graduate students in it. They'd make jolly good villains.
Graduate Students: Rrrrgh!
[edit] Recent Discoveries
The hobbit was later revealed to be a type of large Rodent, named Giganicus Rodenticus Monkeypus Hobbitititus
An extinct human subspecies was recently discovered on the Islets of Langerhans in the South Pacific that had all the physical attributes of the hobbit (small stature, smelly and hairy feet, propensity to steal and huff kittens). Because scientists think the extinction was due to a mass outbreak of leprosy, these mini humans have been dubbed Leper-cons.
Hobbits are acutally government-manipulated monkey-rodents capable of hurting people quite a lot. The following are popular methods of hobbit attack:
1. Rolling over in cheese sauce while singing about beer
2. Throwing up on someone other than the person they intend to attack
3. Sleeping on various valuable objects
4. Dying
5. Saying 'hi' politely
6. Bursting into fits of laughter
7. Gobbling up eurgs and grues.
Hobbits are to be feared. Just one jewish hobbit caused world war 2 when he tripped over Hitler. Hitler, being high on mercury, would go to any lengths to eviscerate this slightly annoying hobbit. He decided to remove every single jewish person on the planet from existence in hopes of removing the hobbit which he hated.
A new type of hobbit discovered recently(ish) in the most peculiar of places... Melbourne, Derbyshire. He is known for photographing, and ruling his lessons as a dictator. Also formally friends with Saddam Hussein, proved in a picture captured by a student. He also enjoys soaking his feet in miracle grow, because it makes him feel like he will get that tiny bit taller.
[edit] West Country/Hobbit Link
A recent Discovery by the Sorority Slut and Complete Arsehole University have Discovered that Desendents of Hobbits still live today in the South west of England. The Accent of the Hobbits and many of their Traditions still survive to this day, such as going on quests and logging serious WOW playtime.
Damn hobbits
- Samb092.
Famous Hobbits:
[edit] Of the Shire
Some people (the 'same people' who support all the Author's otherwise unsubstantiated opinions) think that, as the "Lord of the Rings" epic was discovered by an Englishman who loved England, the Shire must have existed in a lost idyllic rural England. These people can easily see the error of their ways by watching a recent epic film which employed an unusual degree of filmic integrity by realising that in fact England is only populated by villains played by Sean Bean and Alan Rickman, and is therefore ruled out as a location for sympathetic characters in a commercial film. They placed the Shire in its historically correct location which luckily (in a film intended to make money from 'Merkins) turns out to have been somewhere very like rural Ireland (the country of origin of 99.5% of 'Merkins, apparently). The accuracy of the setting was proved by the fact that all scenes set in the Shire were accompanied by genuine Twiddly-No-moving-arms-Music based on musicological research carried out in someone's fertile imagination. The deep insight of the filmmakers was also shown by setting the Shire in a little known corner of Ireland where the comedy characters speak Mummerset (oo-arr me lover) and the heroes speak 'Merkin.
It has been said that there are only two types of people who go to The Shire: the lost, the unhinged, and people who can't count.
A small country of Fungus-ridden and neglected Orchards and useless stretches of land that one could just about eek a living out of, the Shire is almost as unpopular with tourists as it is with its residents.
The central Township is Hobbiton a place described in "the top 10 places not to visit ever, ever, ever, ever, ever" as "the worst of the lot" it is more of a rat's nest than any a rodent could throw up and it is a deeper, darker hell-hole than even Satan devine(!). But the twiddly music is nice.
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