Homage to Catatonia
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Homage to Catatonia is a book by Gyorgy Orwelleroff. It is a personal account of Orwelleroff's experiences of catatonia, and how the voices inside of his head became so polarized that they started a cerebral civil war. It is written in the first person, or possibly not, depending on which 'voice' had more say at the time. Orwelleroff speculated that the reason he was able to write this book, was because he was born with a very rare condition cerebis voiceboxius inwrongplacius, which meant that he was born with an additional two voiceboxes, situated in his skull, which were controlled by opposing domains of the brain. His theory, for some reason, did not catch on.
(This article features some contextual background from Orwelleroff himself...he insisted. It was either that or let him out of his rather assuring strait-jacket.)
Contents |
[edit] Context
These contextual notes are from the preface to the 1984 edition of the book
'...Catatonia, a condition realised as early as the century, was treated in the past, by placing the patient in a dungeon, and having a highly-trained cat miaow some tonic melodies of the day. Failing this, they would beat the shit out of them. They would then wonder why the highly static poses, a feature of the catatonic state, would be prolonged by this punition. It did however, enable some of the catatonic patients to go and become exceptional yoga practioners, as their mangled bodies would quite easily stay the way the dungeon-master shaped them for hours on end. (Voice in Head 1:Stop mewing on about the historical context and get to the actual book! Voice in Head 2:He's getting onto that, be patient).
I am myself, a world champion of yoga (ViH1:There's no such thing as a 'world championship' for yoga.) Ah...sod the context...you want to know about the book don't you?'
[edit] More Context
'...Well you're gonna have to wait! Context is everything
- (ViH2: And not image, as that vain tennis player once said).
- I, the author, have fought in a few wars. One was the Cold War, but I never actually battled any Americans...another was our great country's War against Imperialism, but this just involved the distribution of agitprops and the like, so I actually came to oppose the war imperialism campaign, being that it wasn't...an actual war. (Don't worry, I'm not a pacifist).
- I think the lack of actual battle forced me to internalise a war inside of my head. I've left it to someone else to summarize the book, as no doubt I'll start typing and then a catatonic period will strike, leaving me in a...
- I think the lack of actual battle forced me to internalise a war inside of my head. I've left it to someone else to summarize the book, as no doubt I'll start typing and then a catatonic period will strike, leaving me in a...
- I, the author, have fought in a few wars. One was the Cold War, but I never actually battled any Americans...another was our great country's War against Imperialism, but this just involved the distribution of agitprops and the like, so I actually came to oppose the war imperialism campaign, being that it wasn't...an actual war. (Don't worry, I'm not a pacifist).
(ViH2:He's unresponsive again. Well at least we can talk to each other eh? (ViH1:Sure thing!) (ViH2: No need to shout)'
[edit] Summary
| {{{battle_name}}} | |
|---|---|
 Voice 1's seal | |
| Conflict: Catatonic Civil War | |
| Date: 1984 | |
| Place: Gyorgy's head | |
| Outcome: Both sides vanquished after alliance - many soldiers died from starvation, dehydration. | |
| Combatants | |
| Voice 1 Army (Acme Rain Psychological Association) | Voice 2 Army |
| Commanders | |
| Voice 1 | Voice 2 |
| Strength | |
| Frontal lobe | Temporal lobe |
| Casualties | |
| Complete Death of Voice 1 army | Complete Death of Voice 2 army |
[edit] Part One
Orwelleroff, a grizzled pamphleeteer after serving in two 'non-Wars' (he doesn't actually know how to fire a rifle, co-ordinate a pincer attack, shout demoralizing slogans at the non-existent enemy, or how to defend Trotskyist doctrine against certain enemies). Reflecting on this, Gyorgy falls into a depression. To the outside world, Gyorgy is an impassive, static, undisturbed entity (rather like Buddha on an average day), but inside, his voices are waging war.
The voices split themselves up, recruiting various sections of Gyorgy's brain in order to fight their battle. Voice 1, at the start, holds the frontal lobe, responsible for planning, movement and problem solving. Voice 2, holds the temporal lobe which is associated with perception, speech and memory.
Voice 1 army therefore, can plan their campaigns, and can move about and negotiate any problems they have. Unfortunately, as Voice 2 holds the temporal lobe, they cannot give orders or divulge their plans to one another, and the soldiers also have trouble seeing where they are going, and frequently forget their elaborate battle plans. Similarly, Voice 2 army cannot move anywhere, though they can see their enemy. Moreover, they are unable to plan any sort of battle or counter-attack, or solve any problems they have, like lack of ammunition, but they are able to remember these persistent failures, which actually ends up decreasing morale amongst the men.
[edit] Part Two
Through some fluke, Voice 1 and Voice 2 manage to communicate their problems to each other, and henceforth decide to team up rather than war against each other. They decide to take on other parts of the brain, like the Cerebellum. They reach the hypothalamus on their travels, luckily enough for them, as without the hypothalamus they'd be one sleepless, thirsty, hungry set of soldiers. Idiotically, they decide to destroy it, deciding that Gyorgy can do well without it.
Meanwhile, Gyorgy is rushing around his mother's house, eating all of the various meals straight out of the freezer, not bothering to heat them first, and then downing immense amounts of water. All this activity and food causes poor Gyorgy to collapse.
[edit] Part Three
After what felt like an earthquake, Voice 1 and 2 army discover another voice on the way, calling it 'Voice 3'. Voice 3 lives in the Medulla Oblongata. It is a deaf-mute, as its responsibilities are Gyorgy's heart-rate, and defecation control, but not sight or speech. As they do not see this harmless mute as a threat, they spare its life.
The army grows tired and hungry however, and after adding the lobe of the brain in charge of emotion to its force, the army's urge to pillage and destroy becomes ever more acute. Voice 1 and 2 have also collaborated on building a weapon strong enough to extirpate whole lobes of Gyorgy's brain. They decide to use this weapon, however, due to a minute miscalculation by some of Voice 2's engineers, the weapon hits the Occipital lobe, in charge of sight, and the part of the frontal lobe responsible for speech. As they destroy the section of the brain in charge of speech, the Voices effectively kill themselves.
The effect on Gyorgy is immediate - he is now a sightless mute, but one whose powers of memory seem to have increased two fold, as the radiation that the Voice Army developed seems to have caused the frontal lobe to accrue more brane-neurons. His depression is gone, for now.
[edit] Reception and legacy
Homage to Catatonia was not well-received. Martin Amis wrote in The Observer: 'The part of my brain which is sensitive to literary quality was completely dormant during my reading of this dreck'. Even controversial cant-peddlers such as L. Ron Hubbard complained about the book, writing: 'I am immensely capable in two dozen fields, and Orwelleroff is not even capable of being convincingly mad'. But perhaps an insincere madness is preferable to being skilled in opium addiction, pseudoscientific enterprise, and sailing ships which offer lurid cruises for the under-15's. But this article digresses...
Orwelleroff in later years had an operation which repaired his occipital lobe. The voices in his head came back to life, only Voice 2 was now female in character. This led to a marriage between the two voices. The event inspired Orwelleroff to write the insipid sequel entitled A distinctly non-Catatonic homage to Sanity.
