Honda Civic
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Also labeled Honda Death in some markets, is another small city car built by Honda. This vehicle, whose name implies the fate of the unfortunate owner who has an accident in this car, is also prone to losing front wheels at highway speeds and/or to split in half in 5 mph crashes.
The third generation future-car which has all comforts like seatbelts and a gas pedal, the Honda Civic is a product of Honda. Today, the Honda Civic is available with either a 5 speed automatic or a 4 speed automatic transmission - no manual transmission-equipped model was ever avalible. The Honda Civic was introduced in 1967, featuring a 4 cylinder gasoline engine, which pumped out 188 horsepoweR & 220lb ft. of tourque. Honda owners could upgrade to the 6 cylinder engine, which pumped out 285 horsepower & 317lb ft. of torque.
Beginning in 2010, Honda plans to develop two versions of the Civic for the car's two different markets; the Civic Goodresalevaluenotmuchtroublegoodongas (available only in beige) and the Civic Toonersport (supplied without wheels since you're gonna put custom rims on it anyway). Interestingly, the horsepower of a Civic is directly proportional to the size of the spoiler and color of the flames on it. It is speculated that a properly tuned Civic with a 0.3 liter SHO V2 can have as much as 6.3 BHP and 2.4 ft/lbs of torque. Honda is proud to announce that they will be reducing the weight of the vehicle by replacing the aluminum-foil body with seran-wrap.
It usually costs between $500-$400,000 (the price depends on the color, samba green being the cheapest and orange is the most expensive).
Unlike most cars, the Civic can run on conventional fuel or rice. In recent years, rice has become a more and more popular fuel for the Civic and it's unemployed teenage drivers.
The Honda Civic like the rest of the Honda brand of cars is the only popular car in the United States that comes with a rice cook book in the glove department and the optional 80mph timer so you know when your rice is fully cooked.
It has won The JD Power Award for "Best Car of The Year" twenty times in a row. In England, the car has won safest car of the year award 26 times from 1980-1995.
The car is very popular in Europe, especially Estonia,Germany,England, as well as Surrey, British Columbia,The United States,France,Russia,& Finland. It is also immensely popular with wannabe tooners and people who think they are cool. Included in this group are people who think they are helping the environment (not counting the hundreds of elves that died to make the engine).
In addition, the Civic is famous for its use of extremely large engines. The Civic's advanced design and technology led to the development of the brand Ferrari. When Enzo Ferrari first laid eyes on the Civic's SOHC 0.3 liter I-2 engine, he used it as inspiration to bring the first ever Ferrari to life. Enzo died later because of massive amounts of stress, his last words were reportedly the following: "No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to build a car that is as advanced as the Honda Civic."
"My Car Goes Fast" -Brandon MacNeil
Contents |
[edit] Typical Drivers
Honda drivers are the best on the road, especially when in civic lsi coupe's in black with 18 inch konigs- oh yeah. Crx's arnt too shabby either.
The typical Honda Penis driver includes white teenage males, who think that putting a muffler the size of a basketball and blaring gangsta rap makes them black, cool, or have a larger penis. Drivers also include obese teenage females who think they're hot, old ladies, old men, girls with two penises, and, of course, people who can't afford the more upscale riding (ride-on) mowers.
Except for Brazil, where a Civic can cost more than US$ 45000 (no really, I traded one for 150 kilos of cocaine and a harem).
[edit] Racing History
In fact, the Civic engine is so powerful that every Top Fuel and Funny Car team competing in the NHRA uses the Civic engine block as the basis of their racing machines. As a result, Mahatma Ghandi, who drove for the PETA-sponsored Civic in 1776, broke the world record for top speed (6.022x10^23 mph) and shortest E.T. time (12 years). One of the acclaimed reasons the Honda Civic is the fastest car ever is VTEC (VTAK). When bodykits, spoilers, 25" donk rims and flames are added the car becomes almost impossible to beat. When VTAK kicks in, it's all over.
“VTEC JUST KICKED IN YO!”
~ Mahatma Ghandi on Honda Civic
Other famous race drivers that drove the Civic to victory are:
Ella Sofia Gordon who happens to drive a 2022 Honda Civic to her high school somewhere in the Deep South
[(Dave Wilson)] Sex God- owns 1200000000bhp civic that swims under water.
Juan Pablo Montoya the NASCAR driver that shouldn't be in NASCAR because he has olive skin
Muhammed Musaraf Muhammad Iqbal
QUEEN ELIZABETH drives an exclusive 1986 Civic LX 4-door Sedan and a blue 2007 Civic Sedan.
Tracey Quill is rather fond of her lean mean driving machine.
Bill Cosby drives a 2003 CIVIC SI hatchback.
Rue McClanahan has a 2007 CIVIC EX sedan.
British Prime Minister Sir.Mychael Harris drives an exclusive 1990 Honda Civic EX 4 Door Sedan w/ AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION. The car is actually a rebadged 1989 Rover 216i sedan.
PARIS HILTON owns a 2006 CIVIC LX SEDAN & A 94 CIVIC EX COUPE.
DAME EDNA DRIVES A BLUE 1990 HONDA CIVIC EX-L 4 DOOR SEDAN.
Lewis Hamilton smashes always Hondad Civic in his F1 training.
[edit] Specifications
- Fuel Economy: Best run on spit from the proboscis monkey
- Top Speed: Reportedly Warp 17.345
- Length: 38 cubits
- Width: Wide enough for Ikea but too narrow for a cow
- VTEC: it just kicked in y0!
- Your Mom it's on the back seat ready for a test drive
[edit] See Also
 This automobiles-related article smells funny. You can help Uncyclopedia by giving it a bath.
|
