Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans

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Welcome to The Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans! We are a brotherhood of Awesome People, all who have bravely served in the United States Disgruntled Postal Service. We carry loaded weapons in our coats at all times, and will not think twice of Shooting You In Your Fucking Head, (thank you Mhaille for the link... I guess), if you mess with our mail deliveries.

[edit] The All New Policy Page!

Care to find out who we are? What we Think? Curious to find a psychological profile on how we behave? Well Look No Further! We have compiled for your perusal, (and really mostly just our own twisted amusement), The Policy Page!

[edit] Our Goals

1. Create a gathering place for military-affiliated uncyclopedians
2. Personal Betterment
3. Creating a Better, funnier, and quite possibly far more profanity-laden Uncyclopedia
4. World Domination
5. Maintain Defences against the Mole People.
6. Abolishment of Women's Suffrage, because no woman should suffer!

[edit] Acceptable Alternative Names

In the interest of Brevity, the following names may be applied to reduce the amount of typing needed to identify policies and members:

1. The Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans
2. The DPV
3. TODPV
4. THODPV

[edit] History of the Disgruntled Postal Veterans

Founded in Late 2005 (the 110th day of December), the Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans was forged in the depths of Uncyclopedia to be a place of gathering for Uncyclopedia's honored veterans of Military Service. It really serves as a method of distinguishing the Honored fighting men and women from the plebes who have never been anything more than a civillian. See, we're military, and that means we're special. Unless you were in the Coast Guard. Coast Guard sucks.

(Just kidding. Water rescue is some tough shit, and anyone involved in drug interdiction is cool, so Coasties also may apply.)

[edit] We Hold These Truths to be Self-Evident

1. That being an Intellectual Whore is a terrible thing
2. The ladder jump, though dangerous... is a must
3. Fear not, for you can always Next the bitch
4. Click Here if you don't Understand

[edit] Membership Benefits

1. Ranting Incoherently: As Servicemembers, we have all learned to master Linguis Profandus, the language of fucking swearing a whole fucking bunch. As Such, we are allowed to embark upon great tirades of brutal complexity, screaming at the top of our proverbial Lungs, or at least bashing our keyboards with the Caps Lock key engaged.
2. Friends: As a Member of the Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans, you can count yourself as a friend of every other member. Acceptance, like the guns we own, should be considered semi-automatic, booting is subject to a community vote. Thus, if you are an asshat, go away

[edit] Ranking Within the Order

The Order is Presided over by a Commandant, and assisted in policy decisions by the Adjutant General. These two individuals are free to dictate new policy however they choose, as it applies to the Order of Postal Veterans. Click Here for a listing of Our Arbitrary Ranking Schema

[edit] Becoming a Member

All applicant members must do the following:

1. The hokey pokey. Mandatory unless not desired.
2. Undergo a Trial of Acceptance. You must write One Uncyclopedia article that has not been Nerved or placed under VFD status. This is NOT UNIGNORABLE policy.
3. Petition the Community for acceptance.
4. Upon being granted a temporary status of "Accepted n00b", you must fill out Form 173-A detailing the cinematography of your military career.
5. Place your name on the Great and Powerful List Of Members!

[edit] THODPV "Good Things"

The following Things are hereby declared Good.

1. Carnivorism.
2. Texas' policy regarding the Death Penalty.
3. Old NES Games.
4. Your Mom in bed.
5. American Postman.