Honorable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans/rank
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“Mother... Fucking... DOG!!!”
~ HOoDP spokseman Johnny Darwin on Life
Contents |
[edit] High Command
The following Rankings indicate members with full privileges of membership
[edit] Commandant
Senior commander of the order. His words shall be as policy, however, the community must not be forgotten, thus, His purpose is to judiciously consider the requests of the Adjutant, and all other members.
- Current Commandant: User:TD
[edit] Adjutant
The Second in command of the Order. As assistant to the Commandant, he has full power to regulate any and all decisions relating to the status, membership, and ludicrousity of the Order. In the event of disagreement, grievances may be filed with the Commandant, by clicking this broken link. Note: Do not click that link yet
- Current Adjutant: WILD WEASEL
“If I could stab this article with a rusty spoon, twist, and then spit lime juice on it, I would.”
~ Wild Weasel on Bad Articles
Adjutant's Inaugural Address -
"Good evening, or morning, as it may be. Is this thing on? Hello? Good. Glad to see you all made it. Let me start by saying thank you to the Mayor, and a special "thank you" to the Mayor's wife. Those are ten minutes I will never forget, baby...hey, hey! Just kidding! Don't make me tell "The Aristocrats" joke. Because the fucking punchline is "the aristocrats." Get it? Neither do I. And that leads me to my point - I don't get a lot of things at Uncyclopedia. Like, fucking 80% of the site was hastily put together by Wikipedians thinking they were being naughty, or tasting true wiki-freedom for the first time. Well, let me just say Uncyclopedia isn't about being naughty - or free. It's about being fucking ludicrous - within reason. And that's why the Honrable Order of Disgruntled Postal Veterans, or HODPV, is here. We're going to make things right. How, I'm not exactly sure. When, I can't reasonably say. But know this - for every insufferable Steve Ballmer reference, for every stupid Kanye West "George Bush hates _________" quote, for every instance of an article put together using Mad Libs, HODPV may or may not do something about it. You have been warned - the people have spoken. At least, two of them have. God Bless the US of A, and God Bless this Wiki!"
[edit] Chucksters/Norrisites BEWARE
The Adjutant's Warning -
"Followers of Norris! You Chucksters, or Norrisites, or whatever the hell you may be! Know this! Your tired jokery has gone too far. Farther than Steve Ballmer references. Farther than Kanye West quotes. Much, much farther. Know this! The Disgruntled Postal Veterans intend to declare an Act of War against you and your limp-dicked attempt at comedy. We shall employ various means, such as Bottomless Pits, daisy-chained anti-personnel mines, and suicide squirrels strapped with explosive nuts to bring the fight directly into your rotted-from-the-inside heads. When we are done with you, you will know this: Chuck Norris is not funny. Chuck Norris has never been funny. Chuck Norris will never be funny. You have been warned! God Bless this wiki!"
[edit] Captains
Trusted assistants to the Adjutant and Commandant:
[edit] Sergeant at Arms
People who are generally very well liked:
[edit] Postman 1st Class
People who are generally liked:
[edit] Postman
The first real rank. I've not a clue what the fuck good it does yet... I'm kinda inventing this shit as I go:
[edit] Disgruntled Ex-Postal Worker
Same as above but with sharpshooting skills. Mileage is rated at $2.50 per mile, because we are concerned with security risks if these individuals do not get lucrative paychecks.
[edit] Delivery Boy
Typically members of this rank are assigned to bad convoy duty, and rural mail carrier routes. Mileage is paid, but only at 10 cents a mile.
[edit] Pond Scum
The following People are now far better than Privates:
[edit] Private
New members of the Order are given the Rank of Private. The following people are Privates:
[edit] Ancilliary Command
Members assigned to the ancillary command function much the same as their High Command Brethren, but are distinguished as not having actually been part of the United States Military Forces. As such they are ineligible for full active service, however it is not the desire of the Order to belittle others, thus there are two possible variants of applicants for Ancilliary Command.
[edit] Foreign Enlistees
Members of Foreign Military Services may petition at any time for acceptance under Ancilliary Command, but during formations will be expected to fall in right along with the Rest of us Misfits.
[edit] Civillian Enlistees
Select members of Uncyclopedia may be allowed to join the Order provided they have proven their worth, and will be accepted into the Ancilliary Command
