Hooker
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“ SAY WHAT!?”
~ Backstreet Boys on Hookers
“Ho Ho Ho!”
~ Santa on Hookers
“You mean like you put on the end of a fishing pole?”
~ idiot on Hookers
“ Without them, I would be nothing”
“ Don't move. They can only see us if we move.”
“I want to be a hooker when i grow up”
~ Paris Hilton when she was little
“Yeah, Paris Hilton's a hooker.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Paris Hilton on hooker
“No matter what you say about them i love my wife.”
~ Mista Brown Manh on his hooker wife
Although many Hollywood movies have inspired a great deal of devoted fandom, none have made such a great impact upon American society as the Disney film Peter Pan. Although the hero of the story (originally published as a novel in 1869 by Johnny Depp) is Peter Pan himself and the film includes a large repertoire of sympathetic characters such as Wendy, her brothers Cletus and Buford, Tinkerbell and the Lost Boys, these characters have been often overlooked by fans, overshadowed by the magnificent stage presence of Captain Hook.
While many Star Wars fans might play with dolls and dress up as Boba Fett, while many Lord of the Rings fans struggle to master Elvish as a second language and while many My Little Pony fans grow up with pornographic equestrian dreams, none have so fully dedicated themselves to the psychotic-fan lifestyle as the fans of Captain Hook: the hookers.
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[edit] How Do I Spot A Hooker And Will He Or She Bite Me?
A ballgag can be used, and is usually sucessful. However, while hookers are not known to bite, they are often fairly dangerous to themselves and others. Becoming a hooker is a long and potentially deadly road that can often lead to vitamin addiction, anaemia and viral infection. As such, hookers pride themselves in their high number of constitution points, without which they would surely have died in the early stages of hookerdom.
One commonality between hookers is a penchant for prosthesis. Most hookers will engage in risky behaviour (such as swimming in crocodile-infested water) in order to have a disabling accident, such as losing a limb. Rather than accepting modern medical treatment, a true-blooded hooker will accept amputation with only a bottle of rum as an anaesthetic and replace missing limbs with wooden pegs or, more popularly, iron or aluminium hooks.
Several hookers have no limbs at all and hobble about on poorly-constructed replicas of Peter Pan costumes. It is actually said that a brutal guy from Denmark called Rasmuscles from Bruxelles did a whole whore house in Nuuk, Greenland, inhabited with 73 Mongolian hookers, five times each in no more than 3 hours and 26 minutes - Amazing!
HOW TO PICK UP HOOKERS
1) Get a car 2) Go to the downtown area of your city at around 11:15 PM 3) Pull over and wait for a woman dressed like Peter Pan offer you a good time. 4) Kill her to get your money back 5) Shoot yourself because your going to get AIDS and STD's you SICK FUCK.
REMEMBER You can tell if it's a hooker by throwing a box of condoms at her as you drive by. If she picks them up, she isn't a hooker.
Remember not to puncture your hooker, as hookers are prone to asplode.
Wal-Mart has a great selection of hookers. The Hookers of Wal-Mart are coordinated with blue vests.
[edit] The Awful Social Stigma Of Being A Hooker
Unfortunately, besides being physically dangerous and mentally psychotic, hookers carry with them a strong social stigma.
Many of them, because of their unique approach to fandom, are unable to draw disability from the government and cannot find employment at most evil corporations. Thus, the majority of hookers without artificially reconstructed genitalia find themselves on the streets, addicted to World of Warcraft, selling their bodies to the highest bidder.
While the money can often be worth the degradation and humiliation (one hooker, for example, sold his nose for $18000 USD), it leaves many bitter and cursing the children's movies that have destroyed so many innocent lives.
[edit] Hookers are not goats
[edit] Hookers are not goats! This mistake is made at almost every fraternity party involving alcohol.
You can tell the difference between a hooker and a goat, here's how:
- A goat won't ask to get in your car for some shagging unless it's February.
- A hooker usually has sex with trees.
- A goat is hard to do lines of cocaine off of.
- Some of the hookers have less body hair.
- Hookers like pizza and killing small woodland creatures.
- Hookers can't see. They operate by the smell of an erection. That and crack.
- Hookers have hairy paws.
- A hooker usually doesn't have a goatee.
[edit] How to become a Hooker
Step 1.- Go to New York City(Or any other big cities)
Step 2.- Dress with almost transparent clothes
Step 3.- Wait on the sidewalk for cars with people in it(Duh!)
Step 4.- Offer your services to the guy(s) in the car
Step 5.- Get on the car
Step 6.- Prepare to give that fat geek a good time
Step 7.- Repeat the cycle
[edit] External Links
- Jesus, the biggest pimp in Roanoke, Va Role of the Hooker
Categories: Occupations | Sexuality | Movies | Sports
