Hot-Stop Filter

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Quantum Mechanical Treatment of a Classical Barrier
The Hot-Stop Filter

Contents

[edit] Background

The Hot-Stop Filter was an idea originally conceived during students' trials in ECE 420 (formerly ECE 320) (Digital Signal Processing Lab) at the University of Illinois. It was realized that certain rooms in Everitt Lab had the ability to block attractive women from entering.

At the start this was merely empirical data; since then, a Quantum Mechanical treatment of the problem, treating the women as free particles that cannot overcome the repulsive force of engineers en masse, has been developed.

[edit] Theory

Although Quantum Mechanics is considered to be able to explain all sorts of small scale phenomena, it has never really been applied to a system as large as a human being. It was originally decided to model attractive women as free particles since we all know that it's very very hard to keep them kneeling in the ground state, and it certainly seems that while they do enter excited states, this excitation is only momentary and not well defined.

The breakthrough in this treatment is the idea of a repulsive potential associated with a large reservoir of engineering males. Unlike electric charges, the potential attracts like-particles, and repels the opposite. This potential manifests itself in the form of a weighted unit-step function that starts at the door nearest to the "repulsive" bodies.

In fact, the probability beat pattern associated with attractive women near any hot-stop filter have nodes of zero probability along the path to said door. For example, have you ever seen a woman 3.5 feet away from the ECE 390 (formerly ECE 291) Lab?

Another interesting application of this theory is in the area of Single-Engineer/Single-Woman orbit and capture. Although any engineering male has the potential to repel ALL women, he is capable, in certain circumstances to have the woman tunnel through his natural barrier and they become a couple. This coupled oscillator has interactions like a mass-spring system. When the woman is moody, the system is an undamped oscillator - although the interactions are up and down, they are quite predictable to an outside observer. The motion can seem chaotic from the non-inertial reference frame of the couple, which may cause the relationship to become over-damped, slowly decaying to nothing.

When the man is being a nerd, the couple acts like an under-damped oscillator - at first, there are a lot of ups and downs, but eventually the relationship decays to nothing. The most interesting case, though, is when the woman is drunk. This is like a critically damped oscillator. The interaction is quick, with a sudden drop-off at the end associated with the return of sobriety.

[edit] Data

While there is no empirical data to support the above claim, no evidence exists anywhere to refute it. There was one time when a hot girl was spotted in Everitt Labs (the electrical engineering building at UIUC), but it was during the summer when no classes were held.

[edit] Inspiration

Britney Spears guide to Semiconductor Physics

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