Hot Topic
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Well we have 50 extra baby skins... lets start a store!”
~ Big Corporate Money Man on Hot Topic
“I hate Hot Topic.”
~ Everyone who shops at Hot Topic on Hot Topic
Hot Topic is an intellectually-devoid monetary succubus created exclusively for R-Tards and young adults into the emo Scene. A grocery chain which sells emo products such as evil apples, Hello Kitty alarm clocks, Napoleon Dynamite shirts and guardian angel pins; Hot Topic has been out-emoing the competition since it's establishment in 1776. There have been several instances where workers have gotten away with selling their souls to Biff.
Offering only the best in eye-liner that gives a "Vampire" look, T-shirts with fishnets and torn sleeves, which in turn creates an uber punk rock image, Hot Topic's aim is to convert the entire pre-teen population to the emo-chic faith. At low prices (you can buy poor quality pants with 10 million safety pins down the sides for only seventy dollars), the store has become popular with kids trying to piss off their parents and cam whores.
To date, over 400 people have been killed from overexposure to the permeating stench of rubber that hits you like a brick wall upon entering the store. Fortunately, you can pick up gas masks at Hot Topic. Unfortunately, they smell like rubber.
Contents |
[edit] History
The store was originally founded in 1657 by Edward Hetterling Jr. III in London, Britain where it was originally under the name "Her Majesty's Royale Shoppe of Ye Olde Heated Topique." Local lore tells of young children frequenting the store and often engaging in arguments over which of the Royal Composers of the day were "real punks" and which were not.
In 2000 it became the primary propaganda tool for the Emo Dynasty.
As of 2005, the store is controlled primarily by a family of yam farmers from Pitcairn Island who, as rumor has it, know nothing of the retail business and instead let an internet personality known as "\ /*bLooDDagGeR*\ /" run the entire operation.
Others still know the truth that the store was first opened in the 1980s by Raven of Teen Titans infamy.
[edit] Hot Topic's Irony
Hot Topic, or better now known as G-Mart, is a store intended for individuals who wish to be individuals and stay away from mainstream products. By shopping at Hot Topic, however, these individuals become mainstream themselves.
G-Mart creates an irony of such great magnitude that it could create a super-massive black hole at any second, which would destroy everything in the universe minus Wesley Snipes, Santa, Jack Skellington, the Grue, Anti-Grue, MacGyver, and Terry Tate. The whole band. Even Pickles. Especially Pickles. And the state of Louisiana. Of course.
Why a shithole like Louisiana wouldn't be destroyed has puzzled scientists for centuries.
[edit] Quotes about Hot Topic
“Canned culture that kids can buy and sell. Why be creative when you can get "Vote Pedro" t-shirts and ten dollar dog collars?”
~ Gordon Ramsay on selling out.
“If we sell individualism as a fashion, then the individuals will become conformists. And if you don't believe me, then just check into a random junior high. What you see may shock your incoherent little mind.”
~ Bill Gates on being CEO of Hot Topic, at a shareholder's meeting.
“Your one stop shopping location for all your pre-packaged, subculture needs!”
~ Maddox on Hot Topic.
“Hot topic is not punk rock! Hot topic is not punk rock! Hot topic is not punk rock! Hot topic is not punk rock!”
~ MC Lars on A crass corporate vulture, feeding on mass consumer culture.
“I'm rich off Jack, who knew all goths would come to worship a skeleton”
~ Tim Burton on That damn goth store at my mall
