Hotel California

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“Such a lovely place”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Hotel California

“Such a lovely face”

~ The Eagles on the Hotel California

“Such a lovely place”

~ Andrew Jackson on America I mean the Hotel California in America

“I'm livin' it up in a hotel full of porno”

~ John Wayne on Heaven

“You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.”

~ Hollywood

The Hotel California is an exclusive hideaway in Todos Santos,BCS, Mexico, in a secluded Pacific Coast location, on a dark desert highway, free from the pressures of the daily world. It is currently run by Basil Fawlty.

1 Location
2 Amenities
3 Entertainment
4 Check out
5 For more information
6 Famous Guests Staying at the Hotel

[edit] Location

To preserve the privacy of the hotel's guests, the hotel's location and directions to the hotel are available only on request. However, the smell of colitas is known when you are near the place.

[edit] Amenities

As well, in order that guests may enjoy a stress-free stay, there are no telephone, fax or other telecommunication services offered at the hotel, and guests must leave portable telecommunication devices at home. All guests are encouraged to bring their own alibis.

[edit] Entertainment

There is a house band, which plays every night. They are known for keeping irregular hours, and at times the housekeeping staff will wake you in the middle of the night just to hear them sing.

The hotel is well known for its mirrored ceiling, and the freely available pink champagne, usually served on ice. Unfortunately, wine has not been served since 1969.

Meals are served in the "Master's Chamber" - a 5 star common-area restaurant. The chef's special is usually "Feast of Beast," but it has been known to ruin silverware.