HowTo:Act Ghetto
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So you wanna be gangster, huh. Well let me tell you, ashen, it isn’t simple. It takes more then fried chicken and a bad dentist to act ghetto. You got to have the heart, the soul, and the stomach.
Contents |
[edit] IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HAT!
Turn your hat around. Wham. Ghetto. Make sure it is white, with that big gold thingy on the brim, and it should be slightly too big for you. DO NOT BEND THE BILL. When you're ghetto, everything has got to be BIG to make up for your small amount of self-confidence. Remember that when old ladies look at you, you make a mean scary face like this:
Although, there are some artists who are so ghetto, they move beyond the hat, such as famous convict and rapper Snoop Dawg. That man is so ghetto, he sports an amazing turban, which he most likely hides illegal substances in. While hats are important, do not make an ass of yourself. People will most likely laugh at you and your promiscuous mother. OH, and remember, always have it at a 99.351 Degree angle, like the man in the picture.
[edit] What's cool?
NO! It is not cool, its "Gangster", and what is "gangster" will be listed in the following sections
[edit] Be deaf or hard of hearing
Remember to constantly ask questions like the rapper Black Socrates. Make sure most of these questions contain WHAT!? It is proper gangster etiquette to always answer with an affirmative YEAAAA. Do not talk lowly or even normally, scream your response or question no matter were the location. At church, in a library, at a disco, this rule MUST be followed. It is not gangster to aks why, only what, NEVER ASK WHY!!!
[edit] Got a problem? Blame white people
Sink isn't working? Blame white people. Chronic hemorrhoids? Blame white people. Bad dancing? White people. See a pattern goin on here? It is the white man's fault every time. Why? We told you not to ask that question, as it blocks the process of learning. If you want to take it a step further, blame the republicans
[edit] For Sharpton's sake, get a WHITE-T
Make sure it is at LEAST size 57. It has to look like your grandma's Thursday nightgown. This goes well with white shoes and a white hat, as ghetto people love the color white. Ahhh the irony.
[edit] Learn to dance
Not ballroom dance. That is for queers, and they shall quickly have a nine milla-meter up their rectum. Learn to do meaningless, mind numbing dances, like spinning your hands around rapidly like they are covered in liquid nitrogen, then snapping your fingers once. Or you can always do that walking dance, were you put one foot in front of the other, then snap fingers, follow up with a YEA or OKAAAYY.
[edit] Get grillz
And make sure they are on tight, or else you will swallow them and die, and then, you will be in a world of shit, because ghettos men are not ALLOWED TO DIE!!! Your grillz also determine your rank among ghetto society. The list is as follows, from worst to best
- Peanut Butter-Chicken head
- Plastic-n003
- Aluminum-Hustler
- Gold- Thrower of Ds
- Diamond- Brigadier General of the United States Army.
[edit] It's all about the Benjamin’s, b-b-baby
GET MONEY AKA DS AKA BENJAMINS BABY. This provides nourishment to noobs such as yourselves.
[edit] Get Hoes; become a pimp
Hoes are very important. When a rapper gets lonely and needs sexual stimulation, he calls a hoe, which gives him money and sex
[edit] Getting Hoes
Is relatively easy. Go to a club. The hoe is the one with her ass in the punchbowl. You must realize that your hoes at first will either be crippled or morbidly obese, because you are a n003. They will actually lose you money and require you to mortgage your trailer, which is one of the most ghetto things you can do by the way.
[edit] Note on white women
Get em plump, that's what makes em "Extra Juicy". I'd do anything for Rosie'O'Donnels badonkadonk. She is the king of fat white women.
[edit] Go to Jail
For drugs and stuff. Smack a hoe and hide your crack in her naval, then get arrested. If you’re black, you will have no problem getting arrested anyway. This ads a big plus to your ghetto record. Make sure to get a shoddy looking mug shot.
[edit] Ghetto Cuisine
It is very important, as you may already know, to have Kool-Aid With everything you eat. Due to the fact that it is made up of only food coloring and water, it is cheap to buy and provides quick nourishment. Fried chicken and watermelons, rice crispies because it sounds like ghetto in a bowl, all flushed out with skeet. If you have a kid, cook and eat him so he does not go to waste. I stress the importance of food because you are what you eat. Don't eat organic, pussy hippie shit like apples. Lettuce is good though, because it is green, which represents the color of Ds, or money
[edit] Skeet
When you skeet, you are killing millions of un-born babies. That is why every time you skeet you should say AWW SKEET SKEET MODA FUKKA, which offers the dead children to Tupac, the rapper God of children.
[edit] That explained nothing, WHATT!? is skeet really?
Semen.
[edit] Important Phrases
These phrases shall help you along the way. Beside them is a translation.
- WHAT?!-Excuse me?
- OKAYYY-Okay
- YEAAA-Sir, may I borrow some sugar
- Throw some Ds on that- Give me money, bitch
- Where da hood at?- Excuse me sir, but where is our local Slum at?
- AWWW SKEET MODAFUCKAA-Awww godamnit, I just came all over my walls
- Fuck yo couch- No way man
- Nigga- Brother
- Aw shit, its da po-po- Aw shit, it’s the police
- Nigga you ball an- Friend, you are out of your mind
- A-Letz Go- Wanna play some Wow?
- Where my hoes at?- Where are my ladies of the evening?[1][2]
[edit] Conclusion
Remember to keep cool and follow these rules. Don't TRY to act ghetto, just do it. If you try, you WILL end up like that guy: Konichi-Wah, Bitches
Categories: Black | HowTo
