HowTo:Be Random

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IF YOU are READING this, then you are NOT RANDOM! you must let the random come to you, do not try to be random, there is no try, only fat babboons. 'Sing eternally for eyes, my precious little watermelon', the young Princess Zelda undulated gently. But the watermelon would never receive eyes, for, unknown to the young princess, tragically, it was not a watermelon but in fact only an ordinary melon, and so was not conscious of its own existence. It would never grow eyes. Tragic, isn't it? She died six days later from heartbreak, although others attribute her death to the seventeen spears stuck into her spine. We shall never know.

Contents 1 Step 1 2 Step A 3 Be a wiki-rando! 4 WHITE PEOPLE 5 BLACK PEOPLE 6 Where do babies come from? 7 Why is Cabbage so cool!? 8 Space meteor comet thing! 9 Chair? 10 Did you know that... 11 How to be Pickle 12 Odd Wording 13 Word Making (Slangification). 14 Action Random 15 Animation/Drawing Random 16 Silly Lumpkin 17 Random Numbers 18 A Lesson From System Of A Down In How To Be R!ando2 19 THE MOST RANDOM WORDS OF ALL 20 End 21 Useless related randomness!

[edit] Step 1

The first step to being random is to stop flopping your gognogets. Then quiet the hydrated drainage circles and go look out the Cell Phone Nougat as if your eyes were full of melon. As though you were a box of screwdrivers, just pretend they don't exist, this is about MOOSE remember??

Here's some Mexicans for your eyelids!

• Canned scissors
• Nabisco cap flags
• Good wives
• Moses
• Mushroom goblets
• Pointy raisins
• haAAAAAM TOENAILS
• That thing over there

[edit] Step A

Make AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA lot of chlorinated donkey penises and then go squash some fucking green plastic because your destiny is to enjoy several bits of Quartz Composer during a soup purple. This helps your Nigeria-bag to fold grapes and longer so juice will destroy your accordion plaque seeds. Oven elders! My face burns for the Hawaii of 4th dimension flavored cement.

[edit] Be a wiki-rando!

Journeys of exhausted Switzerland can't be orange enough to qualify for fucking boxes of credit card propellers because bags of granulated phones. For those mustaches, you have five and three-quarters. The purpose of rotating packs of gum is often thought to be the missing manhole cover, but this common misconception can lead to intestinal ducks. Pancake and motorized cake are not related, but can reproduce and have therefore created man.

[edit] WHITE PEOPLE

EH EH EH EH EH EH

[edit] BLACK PEOPLE

DU DU DU DU

[edit] Where do babies come from?

Mommy says babies come from the stork but daddy said mommy is full of shit wrong because mommy liked gangbangs with college basketball teams daddy very much and dessided to have me be their first and only until they can find a foster home.

I'm so happy now I think i'll stop pretending I'm a stupid kid and start being not unfunny. Ok, where the fuck were we... Babies. Babies consist of two houses: the House of Representatives and the House of Councillors. Both houses are in the house and stay up all night playing house music until 3:00AM or whenever the bar/club closes.

If both houses cannot agree on a bill or a tweaty, even through the appointment of a joint committee of the diet, or if the House of Councillors fails to take action on a proposed budget or treaty within 30 days of flossing by the House of Representatives Dentally Challenged Rabbits, then the decision of the lower house is deemed to be that of the Diet and you must refrain from eating cabbage for at least another 30 days or until further notice.

[edit] Why is Cabbage so cool!?

Cabbage is cool because it is from the earth and contains nioxin enzimes that help you conquer the hot sauce.

Cabbage is called "Lesbians" because it grows in garage-players after passengers clean themselves with the receptionist. This typically indulges my relatives with black potato blanket, for lack of a better phrase/word, and cleaning teeth. The 'bage' part meaning that you are a police officer or a figure head of authority. The 'ca' part meaning... Some greek dude called cabbage, dicotyledonous, but he didn't know what he was talking about.

Greeks are sexually-retentive, that means they like to chew bubble gum with their anus but it usually doesn't work because they don’t shave; even the women don't know how to shave. How are you supposed to know the names of popular meats like cabbage when you can't even groom your body?? Greek's pubes wear down razors like a file.

This is one of the reasons why the world is coming to an end. That and global warming and stuff, people just don’t really seem to like heeding warnings. Just yesterday the news man said that a space meteor comet thing was 7 million light years away and was on its way to hit earth. The second I heard that, I soiled myself and then jumped into the closet with a blanket over my head. It must have protected me good because when I came out everyone around me was holding their noses; the comet must have gave them nose bleeds or something.

[edit] Space meteor comet thing!

My grandpa once told me that comets are made out of cheese but Wallace and Gromit says the moon is made out of cheese. My grandpa is kind of senile so i'll go with Wallace and Gromit on this one. Anyways, comets are dangerous; if you think your being followed by one when you're on the street, pull your pants down with your pp hanging out and run away screaming. Don't accept candy from adult comets driving in beat-up Chrystlers no matter how tasty the candy looks. Pervert comets poison their candy with vitamin D before they offer it to you. That's kinda scary. A grown comet offering Vitamin D enriched candy to pedestrians in an effort to annihilate rickets...

Comit can also be used to help clean your dishes; at least that's what mom says; but she's just a dumb trophy wife all my dad's friends want to bang. But that's ok, as long as I can watch... Mommy sometimes makes me play camera man and sit on the couch while she wrestles the other guy on the bed. I told daddy about one wrestle fight and showed him video and he got real mad and beat mommy with a chair. That was fun, i laughed real good.

[edit] Chair?

Is the 5 letter password to everything. See Goldeneye if you don't believe me. Chairs are also good for sitting and beating people up with.

[edit] Did you know that...

• The reverse of Random is MODNAR foes revereht!?

• The opposite of Random is unRandom!!?

• The reverse opposite of random is UnModnar!!!?

• The oppositve reverse of random is still UnModnar!!!!?

• An extra exclamation point is supplemented after every line/stanza!!!!!?

• George Castanza's name has the word "Stanza" in it!!!!!!?

• BWAhahaHAHAhaHAHahaHHA!1!!!1!1!!1!!!!1!111!!!P'TING is incomprehensible?¿?¿?¿?¿

"" King Athelstan of Wessex, mid 9th Century

[edit] How to be Pickle

Being random is very hard. There are many types of random. As you can see above, that is one type of random- the odd wording. yeah.......HIPPO!

[edit] Odd Wording

Odd wording can only be done when you drink at least 4 cups of Star Wars.

In other words, you must be random. Everyone has a different style of Odd Wording, mainly words. Things like odd names and places word well.

For instance, Alpaca. Alpaca is a very odd word, because Alapaca are very little-known. Now, something odd to describe it.

How about regurgitating? Yes, gargletoes dog propeller.

Then add chunked soybeans, such as horrible goats- and then a flashlight again. Like the dipping sauce.

Albino can openers are not suitable for killing your grandma, which is where the crossbow comes in. Remember, always spill your teacher.

It usually comes to you. If you cannot think of anything, try the next one.

I would like to make stew from your feet, as they contain enough nuclear energy to fuel a napkin. But watch out for the pickle-zombies, they might try to steal your facial bowels (Mark Twain is now available in the form of an infinite shrimp)

[edit] Word Making (Slangification).

Making your own word is a very common form of random.

It has to be a word of the following things:

• Easy to pronounce
• NO Swears in it
• Not too many SYLLABLES!

Heres a good example: Honeyfunkle.

Or dogsniff.

Or seazing.

Or snorzib.

Making your own words is easy when you get the hang of it, just follow the rules above. If you dont want to use the 'strat above, then try something like this: "artock."

Its all about how the word rolls off your tongue and how it is in comparison to the rest of the sentence. For instance, "Horselog of Cheese."

[edit] Action Random

Being random is much harder in real life. Actions are all you have to do. Of course its bad without any words at all. You have to improvise 90% of the time. Here's a common form of action random.

Person 1: Whats the capital of Flatulent Herd Animals?

You: *enjoys fruity snakepants*

Person 1: OK, stop hurtling the giant F.

You: Gingoingadomphlen

Spongebob: Goodness, that's the spinch of Mexico!

Tom Hilfiger: The cats are available? TO THE GUTSPAM!

Person 1: My roasted duck fetus itches

Paper plate: And Leon is getting llarrgger!

Person 1: OK! ONLY DANCE WHEN I SAY DANCE? OKAY!

You: *regurgitate SUV*

[edit] Animation/Drawing Random

Sometimes a visual aid is necessary. Mostly done on computer, but its not limited to it.

You combine random (usually odd word) with a picture- make the picture actually describe the word. This can lead to really messed up things, try to imagine a picture of a boiling swordfish with a roof for a head. Yes, indeed.

Animation is much harder, though sometimes better.

Add as you will.

[edit] Silly Lumpkin

This is the prime of random. Enjoy it.

Cinderblocks. The fish slapped, "Do you not pickle? The hornet of A slander laptops does not go on rap the wrap.

As the swordfish boiled, he startled himself: Does my slingshot really not are is not made of titanium?

He pulled the bear back, as it clawed his shingles off.

U2 used to have an incredibly annoying drummer who was also very bad at drumming, so they took him to columbia, stole his passport and left him there when they went back to ireland. the current drummer was found in bono's cupboard a few days after they came back.

Eastern Earlines! He arisen, with a DVD of Dancing Frogs in his pancreas. He slourned it tightly, as he spongebob all the way home.

Oh no, he happened to zork something.

THE HAGENDAZ!

He jiggled his speaker to saturn, and then 4 o blizzard'd all the way soap. However, he realized something. His artichoke had not been fully boiled! He could not jump if it had been made of slingshots.

Oh god no, he bumped into a parrot.

The alpaca arose out of the pudding cup and gargled, "Single swordsmen, so super spontanously surprising." And he desintigrated back into his hiccup.

i have fizzy breath. it taste like pigs feet.

So, he said, can you rip me off a piece of that soda? Make 7 Up Yours!

The swordfish finally realized that fans were the best solution.

[edit] Random Numbers

17

42

73

846 (necessary but not possible)

a googolplex

[edit] A Lesson From System Of A Down In How To Be R!ando2

System of a down are unwillingly fishy pioneers of the random genrebubble, and are known to write lyrics thusabilly:

• ACTUAL LYRICS* 'banana banana banana terracotta banana terracotta terracotta pie!'

'Beat the meat, treat the feet, to the sweet milky seat'

'We lost consumer confidence in casual karma, casual karma'

'eat all the grass that you want, accidents happen in the dark'

'my cock is much bigger than yours, my cock can walk right through the door with a feeling so pure'

[edit] THE MOST RANDOM WORDS OF ALL

These words are horrifyingly random. They exist in a pool of thir own festering randomness, whence they have become so irritatingly, maddeningly random they are in one sense not random, but in another sense, .

No6 Llama?!?

No5 Pirate!?!

No4 Banana!?!

No3 Sausage!?!

No108 Chicken!?!

No 1 Cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

No 42 Gonorrhea!!!!!!!!!!11!!!1! LOLZ pWnS l00lZZZZZ OOOOOmG I hAs a pApEr!!11!!!1!!!!!

[edit] End

Thanks for reading this. Hopefully you'll make more laughification now!

[edit] Useless related randomness!

• Random
• Sentence stopper thingy
• HowTo:Make a Four Year Old Laugh
• HowTo:Be Normal
• im in ur random article, linkin to a useful HowTo
• im still in ur article, steelin ur lolcats
• Squirrel

This article is complete, irredeemable feng shui. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and kills at the dead skin cell. If you attempt to wamble this, you will most endlessly ablate Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will wash your Game Boy!!!!!!