HowTo:Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
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[edit] Introduction
Our Lord Vanilla Ice once told us to check out the hook while his D.J revolves it but I'm sure that most us just took his gospel word for it without ever questioning the meaning of his divine wisdom. This article is written from a Vanilla Agnostic stance with the aim of being objective about his teachings.
[edit] Materials Used
[edit] Hooks
- Fishing Hooks
- Sky Hooks
- Captain Hooks
- Peter Hooks (New Order version only)
- Steel Hooks
- Velcro Hooks
Please note: Dr Hook is not an acceptable hook to use. Unforeseen consequences can arise from using this type of hook.
[edit] D.Js
Picking the correct D.J is the key to making sure it is revolved correctly.
Acceptable D.Js
- Pete Tong
- Brandon Block
- Carl Cox
- Sasha
- Paul Oakenfold
- Jez & Tim from Utah Saints
Unacceptable D.Js
- Simon Bates
- Terry Wogan (unless you intend to revolve it on a Wednesday afternoon)
- Sarah Cox
- Tiësto
[edit] Other Items
- Compass
- Step Ladder
- Rubber glove filled with cold custard
[edit] Preparation
To get maximum checking, you will almost certainly have to suspend your hook on some string... Brown, hairy string normally is best for this function. If you are using a Peter Hook, please ensure you have the string tied very tight around his neck
1. Always ensure that you carry out this task after lunch. In the past I have found poor revolving occurs before midday.
2. Find a nice location for hook placement. Remember you are going to have to be checking out this hook so the nicer the area
the better the whole experience will be for you.
3. Make sure your D.J has his decks plugged in. Failure to follow this step could lead to non-revolvement.
4. Place the step ladder near to the hook. You will need to check from above at some point.
5. Perform you standard warm-up exercises.
6. Take the telephone off the hook. You don't want to be disturbed, do you?
7. Finally pin the poster of Vanilla Ice somewhere where you can see it. Remember the real reason for what
you are about to do.
[edit] Check & Revolve
OK, start slowly. There is no need to rush this.
1. Signal your D.J to start revolving.
2. Quickly move around your hook, checking from every angle.
3. Place the rubber glove and cold custard under the ladder and climb to get good checking from above.
4. Glance at your D.J to ensure he is still revolving it.
5. Using your compass, align yourself North and check North for South UNDERNEATH the hook.
6. And the same East to West.
7. Finally make sure that your D.J stops revolving it at the exact same moment you stop checking.
[edit] Conclusion
Good checking and revolving requires hours of dedicated practice. In this brief introduction I hope to have opened up this mysterious but rewarding past-time to more people. However much fun you find it, please don't ever forget what it is all really about though. Vanilla Ice has given us the gift of Checking & Revolving. Enjoy it but don't abuse it.
[edit] See Also
