HowTo:Cook the books

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Welcome to another of Delia's cooking courses.

Today we'll learn how to Cook the books! This is a personal favourite of mine, involving lots of Penguins, spices (charisma and manipulation), delicate timing and most of all, it can also cater for a large amount of people!

[edit] The Recipe

[edit] First Things First

First Things first, for this recipe, you'll need:

• 250g of an accountancy degree
• One position with access to large amounts of money
• Several (six or 1337 is a good number) creditable positions (so if you're discovered then you can lie successfuly)
• 500ml of good Spin Doctor™ juice
• 8 good ways of pleasing your boss (usually involves cooking them a souflée-not easy, so see below)
• A fake CV

And finally,

• An emergency arson kit-just in case things get a little dicey

[edit] Second Things Second

• Take your accountancy degree and whisk gently for 5-6 mins.
• Leave to settle while you mash up the CV. Then mix in a bowl and add dollops into a pre-heated baking tray.
• Pre-heat oven to Fahrenheit 451 degrees.
• Place Tray in oven and bake for 20 minutes.
• Meanwhile, as your fraud surprise is baking, you will need to prepare the 'Spin Sauce®'. Mix 1 part Spin Doctor™ Juice to 4 parts water.

• Leave the Sauce to settle and then remove the Fraud Surprise from the Oven. This may be extremely, hot, especially in the the fire of insider-trading ovens.
• Let the Fraud cool, and then dribble the sauce over the top of the surprise.

[edit] Third Things Third

Now, as the basis for your fraud dish is now in waiting to be served, the last thing you need to do is essential - else you'll get your just desserts! (Oh dear!):

• Take the 8 good ways to please your boss and place them on a small sleaze-proof baking tray, so that none of it leaks out.
• Then shape them into small packages and place under grill.
• When golden-brown, then remove them, and place the piping hot packages around your office. Your boss should be tempted to open them, and soon you will be mega rich!