HowTo:Eat Yourself
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Why in the Hell would you look at this article?!? Seriously, if you want to eat yourself, you've got some serious problems. Oh well, I created this page. No turning back now is there? Well, here we go.
Contents |
[edit] Reasons
First, you must ask yourself why you want to eat yourself. If you're going to do it, you should problem have a damn good reason for doing so. You may want to write this in a note if you're going all the way(more on this later). Seriously, if you don't have a good reason and a kickass note, you're just going to be a humorous footnote in the local news. Notes should start something like this:
DEAR MOM, I LOVE YOU, BUT I THINK THAT DAD IS A TOTAL DICK. SERIOUSLY, I HATE HIS GUTS, AND WISHES HE WOULD DIE. THEREFORE, I AM EATING MYSELF TO DRAW ATTENTION TO AND THEREFORE, LOVE TO MYSELF. LOVE, <insert name here>.
[edit] Which Way?
Next you must ask yourself, are you going all the way? Wipe that sick smile off your face pervert, that's not what I mean. I mean are you going to just eat a bit of yourself or are you eating yourself completely (to the point of slow, painful death)?
[edit] Some of the way
Relax, kid. You took the easy road. Fill your bathtub up with barbeque sauce of choice and dip part of body to be devoured into it. Make sure you don't get infected or something, or you'll have to go to the hospital and explain that you were eating yourself and most likely end up in the Happy House.
[edit] All The Way
NOW WE'RE TALKING!!! You chose to go out with a bang, with a little style. That's admirable, but your still a stupid dick for doing so. Here are the supplies you will need.
- Fork
- Knife (preferably steak)
- Lots of fucking painkillers
- Any drugs or alcohol of your choice (last chance to consume them)
Now, put a Doors CD in, and go to town. Make sure that you hire another person to finish eating you, since you'll most likely not make to the end, unless you're Kratos, and you're not.
