HowTo:Hang, Draw and Quarter Yourself
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“I tried it once, and haven't killed myself in any other way since!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hanging, Drawing and Quartering Himself
"In Soviet Russia, you hang, draw and quarter YOU!!"
~ Russian Reversal on Hanging, Drawing and Quartering Yourself
"That sucked."
~ The Grammar Police on The Previous Quote
Have you ever caught yourself in an act of treason? Want to dish out the proper punishment, but don't know how? Now you can.
Contents |
Steps
- Attach yourself to a hurdle (wooden frame) at the place of execution.
- Hang yourself by the neck for a short time or until almost dead. (hanged)
- Disembowel and emasculate yourself, and burn your genitalia and entrails before the your eyes (drawn)
- Behead yourself and divide your body into four parts. (quartered)
Tips
- Ensure that you don't die while hanging yourself. If your neck snaps at this point, you won't be able to quarter yourself.
- When quartering yourself, be sure to stay alive until the last cut. You wouldn't want to leave the job half-finished!
- You could ask a good friend for help if you can't carry this out yourself.
- For added publicity, display the five parts of your body around the city, town, or village you were executed in.
Warnings
- You may possibly inflict serious damage upon yourself.
- Do not attempt this unless you have committed a serious crime against yourself. False accusation could be fatal.
Things You'll Need
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- A hurdle
- A rope (to hang yourself with)
- A sharp knife
- A fire
- A good friend
