HowTo:Make a sitcom
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[edit] Introduction
Do you like to make others laugh? Do you want to say something just to piss off the FCC and argue about free speech? Do you laugh at yourself? If you say yes to all of them then you are a douchebag/ ready to write a sitcom!
[edit] Step 1: Main Characters
The first step is making your main characters. Don't worry about what the sitcom is about, because most sitcoms revolve around single comedic moments. To do this make up a stereotypical middle class family. First come up with a mentally retarded father. I suggest you make him as dumb as possible as a way to get him to do stupid stunts (like shoving his dick in a pencil sharpener)which make the audience laugh with joy at the harm of one of their own species. The second thing to do is think of the mom of the family. She's the one trying to get the family together and out of trouble and is always hungry for sex, even with other people other than her own husband. Usually the mom has few or more problems like gambling or abusive violence. It would be wise to have both gambling and abusive violence. Also make the mom as hot as possible because you want to keep your sitcom on air, and the only way to do that is attract as much viewers as possible. Next up is the oldest son who is always pissing of people and doesn't know anything about sexual intercourse. The oldest son is a little bit smarter than the dad but by only a small margin and is the enemy of the school who is always trying to be cool. Then you have to make the oldest daughter, who nobody likes and is always whining about something nobody cares about. She is the most unpopular character on the show and is always paired with the oldest son (not incest you perverted retards]]. Finally, you have to make the baby of the family. The baby is usually the most popular character and is a fully capable killer without the knowledge of the other family members. Add some weird neighbors and that's it! Nothing to it really.
[edit] Step 2: Think of a catchy theme song/opening
Time to make a interesting opening that is eye candy to the viewers. Make sure it will make people say ''Hey! It's that show with the really funky opening sequence!'' One way to make a good opening is come up with a clever gag. Unfortunatley, the Simpsons couch gag is the greatest opening gag in the universe and is scientifically proven to be unable to be upstaged. Maybe you can have a platypus come out of nowhere and crap out the opening credits. I said I was gonna help you create a sitcom, not actually create one for you, lazy bastard. After you got your gag, or can't think of one at all, then you have to make a kickass theme song. If it's something that's actually good enough to be called decent music, then you have failed miserably. Just get a guitar, shove your cat in it, rub it on your hairy grandpa's back, and record what sound comes out of it. It's also a good idea to mess around with the opening in some episodes to excite the viewer and destroy the repetiveness.
[edit] Step 3: Get some celebrities and guest stars
Bound and gag them if you have to, because one crucial thing to a sitcom is guest celebrities. Family Guy, the Simpsons, South Park, you name it, all have guest celebrities. Now, you can either make them cool, like Clint Eastwood or abuse them mentally and physically like Tom Cruise or Ms. Slutty. Either way, you have to have guest celebrities or else your sitcom is screwed.
[edit] Step 4: Make fun of other shows
This is good because it humiliates and destroys the competition. Now make sure you know about the show you're mocking first to make a solid parody. Don't be like the Simpson's mocking of South Park, because it was unfunny, stupid, and totally pointless (I.E. Farty the Crippled Robot and they left out Kenny, those bastards). A smart parody will actually strike fear into the hearts of your enemies and actually make people laugh. To make a smart parody, take the weak aspects of the show your mocking and openly make fun of it. Think of it like attacking a zombie's head.....with 9,000 nuclear missiles.
[edit] Step 5: Controversy equals awesome
Nothing better than controversy to make a sitcom garner attention like some bratty rich girl in a public school. Controversy can come in two forms. The first form is overuse of profanity, sex, violence, and other explicit themes. This method is easy but has some flaws. Mostly because it will only appeal to sick retards a.k.a encyclopedia dramatica users. The second form is to make fun of political issues, religion, and other stuff that would get your head sliced off. This is harder to accomplish, the lawsuits and anger will be huge, but after you have accomplished this, your show will be highly regarded. For some reason, the general public just seems to like stuff that abuses free speech.
[edit] Step 6: Stay Funny
Many sitcoms loose their touch after 400 episodes, or sometimes way sooner. There is only one way to make sure your show lives and that is to make it be remembered forever. Sure if you win a few awards and get your name in Hollywood is good, but why not a whole museum dedicated to your show or even a colossal gold statue that makes the Statue of Liberty seem like Gary Coleman. Only then will your sitcom live forever. Just take a look at the Three Stooges. Note: Don't get your hopes up. Knowing you, your gonna probably have to live in the dumpster after the first season.
[edit] That's all folks!
