Hugh Laurie
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“What does Plato say is the highest end that man can attain here below? To sit down on Hugh Laurie.”
~ Oscar Wilde on being on Hugh Laurie
Hugh John Fitzgerald Kennedy George Bobby House Charlton Laurie (Born April 1 1914, Reborn April 2 2006) is an actor and former member of The Rodent Collective. He was born to a steel worker and a circus clown, and at first they thought he was a hilarious April fools joke. He was a conjoined twin with Stephen Fry, and that is the origin of a limp in his right leg. However, in his early life, a limp was seen as a sign of homosexuality and so he hid it from the world, and it is only recently, in House, that he can show off his limp in all its pain-killer addicted glory.
Hugh Laurie is the first person ever to have a nationality transplant, and in 1967 became the first man to walk on Pluto.
[edit] Early Life
During World War 1 his family moved a lot due to the high demand for clowns on the front line of combat. Laurie himself tried to join but was too young. Later, he joined for World War 2 (also known as, World War II: Vengeance). There, he met his best friend and possible writing partner, Franz Lieberman. However, Lieberman was German and thus Laurie was forced to shoot him. This begun Laurie's disillusionment with the British army, which continued for many years, especially when he transferred to MI:5 (Mission: Impossible 5, not Military Intelligence) when he witnessed the British army funding an entire line of Metal Gears for use against the Germans, Italians, Orcs, and to a lesser extent, Michael Eisner.
[edit] Life After the War
After the war Laurie took a break from military life and wrote a book entitled, "Mein Kampf", which was later mistakenly believed to be written by Hitler. He also discovered Vicodin (Not discovered, but discovered). He also wrote The Da Vinci Code, another book which was not credited to Laurie, but may be soon pending a law suit coming to a retailer near you. However, when the Cold War started, Laurie soon returned to MI:5 under the code name "Tony" and spied on The U.S.A for his home country, Britain. He was sent over there on a dangerous mission in 1957 entitled, Operation Tiger Lilly. His objective, was to assassinate the leader of Mensa, and replace him with Jackie Chan, another British Operative. However, Laurie found America to be a land of opportunity and adventure and so defected to the West with Chan, who died of a drinking related disease in 1966 in Munich.
This is when Laurie's acting career really took off. His first big role was starring in the 1958 little known comedy, Homesexual Harry, in which Laurie played the title role. His career got bigger and better, and in 1972 Laurie won his first of 17 oscars for his role in The Godfather. Laurie played Michael Corleone, a role often mistakenly credited to Al Pacino, and on occasion, Josef Stalin. Laurie quickly became America's favourite actor, until in 1988, after winning his 17th, and final, oscar for Hugh Hefner: The Epic Biopic, he fell from grace on the discovery that he was in fact British. Recently he has been linked to a film version of The Ashes as Australian fast bowler Glenn "Ooh-Ahh" McGrath.
[edit] He is British? What the Hell?!
Well DUH you fools, you! Did you ever bother listening to his voice outside of House?!
Anyway... Laurie fell into deep depression, drinking to forget his pain, taking drugs to forget his drinking problem, self harming because he felt guilty for taking drugs, and killing old ladies for their handbags so he could buy more alcohol and drugs. He had a brief return to television with the criminally short series (it ran for 24 seconds) House, before the series was cancelled due to Laurie's death at the hands of F.R.Y (Federal Riot Yakuza) led by his evil twin brother Stephen Fry.
Laurie's funeral was a spectacular event, partially due to the thousands of mourners, or the fact that in the middle of it Laurie stood up and died again, just in case you missed it the first time. The next day, however, Hugh woke up while lying in state and caused three old women to have heart attacks. None were injured, they merely died.
