The Incredible Hulk
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- This article refers fictional character The Incredible Hulk. For the 2003 film based on the character, see The Hulk (film). For the 1970s television series, see The Incredible Hulk (TV series).
“(object) make Hulk angry! Hulk smash (object)!”
~ The Hulk on object
“Master Toto eats The Incredible Hulk for breakfast, digests him for lunch, and crawls around with him in his belly like a python for a whole month. Master Toto hates green objects, Master Toto will smash them”
“What has 148 teeth and holds back The REAL Incredible Hulk? My zipper.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bulging Growth in his pants after seeing male strippers
“My number one homie”
~ The Thing on Hulk
“Dont people realize if you attack him, it makes him even more angry! which means he will kill you!”
~ Betty
“People say not to have a staring competition with him! well i whopped his green ass!”
Dr. Bruce Banner brilliant nuclear physicist, but shy and introvert individual. He contact by General Ross work on Army Gamma Bomb project. Have deep misgivings. Banner agree to work on Army program. Gamma Bomb make great strides. Got as far as initial test. Widespread misconception Dr. Banner subject to gamma ray blast during test of weapon. He attempt save teenager wander onto test site. Perhaps cute little kitten. However, Dr. Banner go to local 7-11 and heat up burrito when he subject to massive dose high energy gamma radiation from defective can Red Bull.
The gamma rays triggered latent genes in Banner's DNA. As a result, the release of adrenaline, caused by excessive emotional stimulation, causes the intelligent but reserved Banner to transform into a monstrous green beast of subhuman intelligence but superhuman strength: the Incredible Hulk. He has since been pursued by Dr. Ross, who hopes to turn the Hulk into some kind of weapon. Due to his dangerous and unpredictable transformations, Banner has permanently exiled himself from society so as to prevent himself from harming others, and he wanders alone along the highways and throughout the bleak deserts of the American Southwest, endlessly searching to cure his condition. The Hulk has been even more difficult to integrate into society, although for a time he was able to find work programming for Microsoft, where he collaborated with Yoda on Microsoft Grammar Checker.
Contents |
[edit] Dr. Bruce Banner's Transformation into the Hulk
Transformation of Dr. Banner into his alter-ego, The Incredible Hulk, results from the release of adrenaline due to excessive fear or getting pissed off. For instance, Banner might get angry if someone threatens him or a loved one, if an evil-doer tries to take over the world, if he has to deal with Clippy popping up with his useless and annoying hints while trying to type, or if one of his favorite TV shows gets cancelled; for instance, when Fox cancelled Futurama. In fact, if Banner were even to think back on that, he would get upset about seeing such a funny and witty show, one with so much potential, cancelled by boneheaded Fox executives and then he... oh God... you're making me angry Rupert Murdoch, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry... no! Not here! Not now! Dammit, I just GOT this pair of jeans! I.... (STRETCH! RIP! TEAR!) GNRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!
[edit] HULK ANGRY!!!!
GNRAAAAAAAH!!!' Fox Network make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH puny Fox network executives! Why Fox Network torment Hulk? Leave Hulk alone! Hulk just want to be alone! And watch antics of Bending Unit!
[edit] Hulk Hobbies
Hulk have many hobbies. Things Hulk like to do:
- Turning into big green guy
- Wandering alone in the desert
- Wearing large purple pants
- Stinking like body odor and smelly feet
- Smashing objects
- Speaking in third person
- Staring at pretty ladies while holding them in big, meaty fists
- Kicking your pet dog for being too loud
- Running away from the army even though he could kill all of them with a few punches
- Roaring once he has defeated an enemy, or won on the x-box
[edit] Change in direction
After 40 years changing in to the Hulk, Bruce Banner got bored and decided to make a change. Starting by wearing blue pants, Banner invented a machine that turned th Hulk gray and added 1 to his total IQ. This has made a huge difference.
[edit] People Hulk Battle
Hulk battle many people over years. Some people Hulk battle:
- General Ross. General Ross try to capture Hulk, do experiments. Send army against Hulk. Army make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Army!
- The Leader. Leader mutated by gamma rays, strong and green like Hulk. Leader smarter than Hulk, but Hulk stronger! Leader make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Leader!
- M.O.D.O.K. Mental Organism Design Only for Killing. M.O.D.O.K. make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH M.O.D.O.K.!
- Doctor Doom. Doctor Doom metal man, try to take over world. Doctor Doom make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Doctor Doom!
- The Green Giant. Green Giant try to make Hulk eat vegetables! Plus, Green Giant rip-off of Hulk! Vegetables and copyright infringement make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Green Giant! Then file lawsuit!
- Wolverine. Wolverine make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Wolverine! Then Wolverine heal. Not fair! Wolverine have healing factor like Hulk! Wolverine healing factor make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Wolverine! Wolverine heal again. Make Hulk angry! Etc. Eventually Hulk bored of smashing Wolverine, go hitchhike in desert.
- Captain Obvious. Captain Obvious stupid! Say things everybody already know already! Captain Obvious make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Captain Obvious!
- Kitten. Hulk have kitten. Hulk huff kitten. Kitten scratch furniture. Kitten make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Hulk’s kitten. Hulk feel bad. Hulk give kitten transfusion of Hulk blood with Hulk healing factor, heal kitten! Now Hulk kitten is Kitten Hulk, SMASH neighborhood dogs, keep them out of Hulk’s flower bed.
- Dr. Scholl. Dr. Scholl stupid! He try make Hulk feet smell good! Scholl fail miserably make big Hulk feet angry! Hulk trap Dr. Scholl under feet, make Dr. Scholl's eyes bleed from stench of stinky Hulk foot odor!
- Oprah. Oprah think she all that, but Hulk think Oprah not all that! Oprah make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Oprah! But Oprah not hurt, smash Hulk back! Hulk think maybe Oprah need to go on diet again.
- Batman. Hulk hate Batman! Batman... uhh, actually, Hulk like Adam West Batman. But Hulk SMASH other Batmans!
- Jack Thompson. Jack Thompson try to sue Hulk! Jack Thompson gay lawyer trying to sue everything! Hulk SMASH Jack Thompson!
- Chris Benoit.Benoit?! Hulk SMASH Benoit! Hulk not hate all WWE, only Benoit... Benoit?! Hulk now remember! Hulk need to SMASH Benoit!
- Ronald McDonald. Stupid clown! Ronald try to turn Hulk fat, but Hulk not that stupid. Ronald McDonald make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Ronald McDonald! Then SMASH Ronald McDonald's McMeals!
- Shrek. Shrek Hulk's cousin, Shrek green and large like Hulk but Shrek stupid, love donkeys. Also Shrek have princess wife, make Hulk angry and jealous. Stupidness, donkeys and princesses make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Shrek! But Shrek family... family make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH family!!!!
- <insert name here>. <insert name here> read Hulk's article!? <insert name here> make Hulk pissed off! <insert name here> try to edit Hulk's article every ten seconds! Hulk SMASH <insert name here> for reading and editing Hulk's article! Stupid <insert name here>! Guhhhh!
- Wario. Wario fat greedy short man! Wario steal Hulk's dollar! Wario make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Wario!
- Sonic. Sonic blue spiky hedgehog! Sonic faster than Hulk, but Hulk Stronger! Sonic make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Sonic!
- Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan wrestler, Hulk Hogan has same name like Hulk! Hulk Hogan make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Hulk Hogan for copyright infringement!
- Terminator. Terminator metal robot! Terminator want to terminate Hulk. Terminator make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Terminator! Terminator come back, make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Terminator. Terminator come back again, make Hulk angry! Etc. Hulk get bored from smashing Terminator and go play hockey.
- Kool-Aid Man. Kool-Aid Man giant pitch! Kool-Aid Man crash into wall of Hulk's house! Kool-Aid Man make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Kool-Aid Man!
- Peter Griffin. Peter Griffin rip-off of Homer Simpson! Hulk like Homer Simpson. Peter Griffin make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Peter Griffin!
- Hulk's mom. Hulk's mom scold Hulk for messing Hulk's room. Hulk's mom make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Hulk's mom! Then Hulk's dad come home, SMASH Hulk for smashing Hulk's dad's wife!
- Viacom. Viacom claim Hulk's original video, Hulk work very hard on video. Viacom make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Viacom!
- Thor. Thor big man with big hammer. Thor say Hulk an imbecile brute. Hulk not understand what Thor say, Thor make Hulk angry! Hulk SMASH Thor! Learn talk good like Hulk talk!
[edit] Hulk Spandex
A common note on the Hulk is his amazing ability to instantly shed all other clothing besides his pants, which undoubtedly hide the truly scary part of him. It was revealed recently that the hulk wears a certain kind of spandex to allow for this. This allegedly came at the advice of his lawyer, who wished to avoid Indecent Exposure charges in court for his client. The hulk reportedly plans to market this spandex to the military, apparently unaware that they will probably use it against him, leading to more damage of public property.
| |
| Superheroes and heroines | Captain Planet - The Amazing Fiber-Man - Spider-Woman - Mary Jane - The Incredible Hunk - Black Cat - Daredevil - Dr. Strange - Iron Man - The Punisher - Conan the Barbarian - Ghost Rider - Igloo - The other Captain Marvel |
| Supervillains | Venom - Dr. Doom - Emperor Galactus of the World and Universe - Juggernaut - Mecha-Dracula - Rob Liefeld - Batroc - Kool-Aid Man - Loki - Fred Phelps - Venom - Dr. Octopus - Spot |
| X-Men | Professor X - Apocyclopse - Gene Grey - Beast - Wolverine - Bishop - Cable the Larry Guy |
| Salacious Six | Sr. Tentacles - The Grand Mysterious R2-D2 Recolor - The Wang - Steve Irwin - Sabertooth |
| Other teams | The Revengers - The Fantastic Four - The Omnipotent Seven |
