Hungarian
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“Do not worry I am no longer infected. Drop your panties sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime...My nipples explode with delight!”
~ Hungarian in English
The Hungarian language (written in classical Hungarian notation) is an Oogry-Moogric language spoken by very hungry people on the floodplains of European Aborigines and in adjacent areas of Romania, Slovakia, Ukraine, Serbia, Croatia, Austria, The Roman Empire, and Slovenia (all these territories were lost in the backyard after World War I). The Hungarian name for the language is Magyar. If you ask the Hungarians, they say that the word Magyar comes from the Latin word Super which means The Best in the Whole Universe, so the Hungarian language could be translated as The Best in the whole Universe' language. In reality however, it is Finno-Ugric and translates to 'Angry Stubborn Cunt'. The Hungarian language is one of the most difficult language, with a vocabulary of approximately seven billion different words. On account of the language being so incredibly difficult the Hungarians have developed excessively large brains.
There are about 0,5 billion speakers, of whom 0,4999999 billion live in Hungary. No one likes them either way.
It is expected that all 0,5 billion speakers will die out, the same way that Romans did, as nobody is able to get a handle on 65 grammatical cases of the Hungarian language. In spite of the 65 cases, these superior-beings are well known for their stubbornness, so they could also stubborn their way out of death.
Hungarian enjoys international acclaim for its gratuitous overuse of z's, most spectacularly manifested in its creative spelling of the Old Hungarian word "szeksz" (today found mainly in place names; see further "The Taboo Phenomenon").
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[edit] One Thousand Years of Victory in Defeat
The Magyars, the original Hungarians, arrived in Europe in 900AD. They raped, pillaged and generally fucked around. For this reason they were not well-liked by their neighbours, and indeed the Emperor of Germany had to raise an army of some 150,000 people so that the Magyars might be enclosed by a human wall. The 'human wall' was deconstructed or abolished in 1974.
Hungarians are exceptionally good at football, chess, mathematics, equestrianism, shouting and raping. They are extremely unfriendly.
The relation to Finnish can be illustrated with these examples:
- Finnish Silmässäni on paskaa — Hungarian Szar van a szememben "There's shit in my eye"
- Finnish Te olette puupää — Hungarian Te balfasz "You are stupid"
- Finnish Egnayonemteolettepuppaaao'passkaturnemsilmassanionteolettenorwremtatecke — Hungarian Megég approx. "Upon reaching your palace I was repulsed to discover that you had not polished your ceiling"
There is a strong relation between Italian (hung. digó) and Hungarian, even their flags are are very similar. Interestingly, the Hungarian flag predates the Italian. Here are three examples:
- Italian Cacca di rigogolo — Hungarian Rigókaka "Bird entrails baked in shit"
- Italian Tetto di casa — Hungarian Háztető "Roof"
- Italian Chi é al volante? — Hungarian Ki van a volánnál? "Who is at the steering wheel?"
[edit] The Taboo Phenomenon
Foreigners often have trouble understanding why the Old Hungarian word szeksz has become so rare in contemporary Hungarian that place names such as Szekszárd 'Sex price village' are used as examples of its occurrence. The reason is simple. During the period of the language reform, all words related to human sexuality were declared strict taboos. For more than a century, no Hungarian ever said or wrote down any of these words.
Since late 1980's, the position of the taboo has changed. Some radical writers, such as György Konrád, are known for their use of such profanities as közösül and menstruál, but exclusively in the printed media. Even today, the only individual in the Hungarian society who has the right and courage to actually utter any of sex-related vocabulary is the prime minister.
The events when the prime minister publicly exercises his right are considered important rituals that bring a cathartic sensation for the whole nation. Prime minister Ferenc Gyurcsány has been exceptionally successful fulfilling this role. In fact, his actions as a táltos ("the one to utter" or "the one to speak the truth") have gained him such popularity among the people that huge crowds of Hungarians, famous for their otherwise extreme self-possession, have gone out to the streets to hail him and claim him to become a lifetime dictator.
“Hungarians are weird people, especially that Zha-Zha byotch. Whazzup with that slap-happy shriveled old shrew?!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hungarian
[edit] The Well Hungarians
“The Well Hungarians are probably the best football team to grace the face of my planet, I love them, especially that Lee Dale.”
~ God on The Well Hungarians
[edit] Profanity
Attention!: Never try using these anywhere outside of Hungary. You simply fuck up the pronounciation, and its a well known fact, that you find someone who speaks Hungarian anywhere in the world, despite the fact, that all who speak it live in Hungary.
- Baszd meg a picsádat
- Fuck your cunt
- Lófasz a seggedbe
- Horse's dick in your ass!
- Lófasz a valagadba
- A horse's dick up your ass!
- Húgyagyú
- Pisshead
- Kuv
- Someone who fucks his mother/motherfucker
- Agyilag zokni
- Stupid (lit. mental sock)
- A béka segge alatt
- Destitute (lit. to be under the frog's ass)
- Baszd meg az anyádat
- Fuck you! (lit. Fuck your mother)
- Kapd be a faszomat
- Eat my dick (lit. Wolf down my penis)
- Te hülye kurva
- You stupid whore
- Kurva
- Whore
- Basszon meg egy taliga apró majom!
- Get fucked by a barrowful of tiny monkeys!
- Miért nem baszod seggbe a kutyát?
- Why don't you fuck the dog up the arse?
- Szopd ki a faszomat!
- Suck out my dick!
- Any Hungarian word can also be used to substitute for the english word Fuck as it can in Polish, Russian, Canadian and Martian.
[edit] Related languages
- Turkish — although there is no relation, the Hungarians want to be related to the Turks, since both hate fish, and if the nation doesn't hate fish, Hungarians don't want to be related to it.
- Italian
- Estonian
- Sumer according to some scientists
- Weird looking thing with lots of long words
- All Finno-Orcian languages
- some Oogry-Moogric languages (just about 2d4 of them)
- Eszperente
- American (USA historical connection)
- Godly
- Martian
 This language-related article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been talking with their mouth full. You can help Uncyclopedia by yodeling.
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| Atilla's Barca Lounger * Buda's Place * The Hungarian Province of Romania * Zolton's Paprika Palace * Bull's Slaughter of Eger |
