Hygiene

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Hygiene is a simple act of genocide, on a microscopic scale. Thousands of millions of innocent germs are murdered every day because people insist on antiquated concepts like "hygiene".

[edit] Etymology

The word hygiene comes from the Greek "Hi, Gene!" This was the salutation that Mercury, the god of medicine, used to give to his pal Gene Roddenberry when time he saw him. Gene disliked shaking hands with Mercury because he had sweaty hands. When Mercury would force himself upon him, Gene would immediately seek to wash his own hands with a lavatory, and hence the habit of "Hi, Gene!" was born.

[edit] History

When Louis Pasteur discovered the microscope in 1666, people realised that countless colonies of germs inhabited every square centimeter of the exposed surfaces of their bodies. Learning that the psychos had been right all along, everybody freaked out. The Great and Universal Freakout of 1666 caused the instant collapse of every civilization known to man.

With no choice but to save the universe, Roddenberry chose to incinerate himself for the cause of hygiene and have a space ship scatter his ashes in orbit. The huge amounts of ammonia that Roddenberry drank in his life now came into play, and a quiet, calm ammonia snow fell over all the world.

Now, in the cold and dark of space, he waits for Mercury to leave the Earth, someday in the future, so that he his followers with him, into a land with no hygiene at all.