Hypello
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This rude article appears to pilot cows in the 666 uprising against George Washington's mug and is also Angelina Jolie's grandmother . Oh, and it's also bisexual.
In other words, it's so poorly random that it makes the erotic Pee-wee Herman cry peacefully. Do something about it before it becomes dubious.
“They may speak with a lisp, but I'd still tap that.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hypello
“God would have made Hypellosh if he wash ash high ash me.”
“I was pretty high when I made Sean Connery...”
~ God
“Ride ze Shoopuf? Shoopuf's vaiting!”
~ Hypello
The Hypello are a race of aquatic people created by General Sean Connery when he came to power in the Third Potato Wars. They live in the country of Narnia and exist only to serve their leader, the Great God Shoopuf, an anthropomorphic elephant who engages in carrying great hordes of drunk partygoers across a great river of weaselpudge.
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[edit] Characteristics
Hypello are known for having, like their creator Sean Connery, constantly swollen tongues and three sets of lips, meaning that they cannot pronounce the "s" sound, and instead use the "sh" sound. As expected, this can make for very awkward situations with non-Hypello (who are inferior!), especially when saying the word "sit"...
[edit] History
When the Hypello were first created in the year 1786, the entire population was scattered across the Universe. A large percentage were sent to the Southern United States, where they learned to master the "s" sound, yet with the invention of the words "y'all" and "ain't", managed to fuck up the English language again. Now those Hypello live in hiding, working together with the local population of Manbearpigs to create a vast underground drug-trafficking organization bent on bringing kitten huffing to the rest of America. Yet another population of Hypello were sent to the realm of Narnia, mating with the local beavers to spawn the platypus, which- contrary to popular belief- was not "God's little joke", but a horrible bastard child of Sean Conerry's frogman and a wood-chucking rat bent on building vast colonies of tree-people to enslave all humans. The other Hypello were ejaculated into the realm of deep space, where they flourished, building a colony on the Crabs Nebula.
[edit] Religion
The Hypello are deeply religious people who strive to please their god by offering sacrifices of goats' heads laiden with weaselpudge. It is said that if their god is unhappy, he will banish the lot of them to the place from which they came, a land too horrible to speak of where tree-people rule the world with extreme prejudice and there is a Starbucks at every corner. Hypello believe that there is an eternal heaven, called New Utah, and an eternal hell, called Shan Franshisco, and the two are in a never-ending war with one another over control of Middle Earth (and Canada). In reality, New Utah is a pond in Minnesota where the Hypello are re-incarnated as fifteen-legged frogs and preserved in jars of formaldehyde and weaselpudge.
The Hypello are generally stupid creatures that worship a drunk elephant idol while completely unaware of their true creator, though they also worship "lesser gods", such as Eeee-Aah-Takanikitakatiki-Takanaaaaahhh!, a terrible god shaped like a kitten-shaped donkey with non-existent wings and the head of Chuck Norris wearing a monkey mask.
Stolen pickpocketed raped bought illegally purchased legitamately in 1992 from an Arab terrorist terrorist organisation porn director pussy merchant, the following passage is an excerpt from a recovered Hypellan scroll codec post-it pop-up book :
And sho, it wash on the third day that Shoopuf did make the paymentsh he had been putting off, and did shtrike down the DMV, and from hish fire came a new birth of creation, and vaginash were born in his likenessh. And it wash on the fourth day that Shoopuf did retire to his chambersh, and did mashturbate in front of many children, and did find the true heaven, and created it in the likenessh of his juice, and many pleashuresh were found among its shaft. And on the fifth day, he made the head.
[edit] Notable Hypello
Hypellans are widely known for not being known for anything other than being known. Though some have contributed their own culture's style of "music"; a notable musician being Eeeh-Gaahh-Uun-Takanah!, who wrote the smash hit "Ode to Thy Pudge", whose lyrics can be viewed here. Though the Hypello have no political leader, few people know that George W. Bush is in fact a Hypellan who plans to instigate the first inter-gallactic war since the Crabs Nebula Civil War in 450 AD with Oprah as his Insect Queen, thereby plunging the Universe into a period of anarchy which will come to be known as the "Burning Bush Era".
Some conspiracy theorists claim that Hypellans introduced kitten huffing as a way to keep "thoshe dirty Americansh" under control, though the habit has since spread to other parts of the world, which to them is "jusht fine, ash long ash their crazshy-assh womensh keep their filthy handsh off our genitalia."
