iNuke

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The iNuke is Apple's attempt at a weapon of mass destruction. It is created in the top-mega-ultra-super-secret Area 342000000012 facility.

Contents 1 Why the hell would Apple need a WMD? 2 How is it possible for them to avoid Detection? 3 I'm Intrigued. Tell me more about this "iNuke" 4 So why haven't they made the iNuke yet? 5 Apple are at it again

[edit] Why the hell would Apple need a WMD?

Apple may seem like an innocent computer company, creating good-for-nothing computers and overly popular MP3 players, but really that is just a front. Apple is really a top secret company that is intent on destroying the world. Maybe they are just crazy, maybe they have their reasons, or maybe they have simply spent too much time Kitten Huffing to know better. One possible reason why they would want an atomic bomb could be to destroy rival Microsoft's designated area: Area XP. All we know is that they may be in possession of such a tremendous weapon or they may not.

[edit] How is it possible for them to avoid Detection?

Apple can make a nuclear bomb without being noticed for one reason: Nobody gives a flying fuck about them. The Area 342000000012 facility was originally created by Apple after they had made a deal with the US Government. Area 342000000012 was to be built as a distraction. The US government was afraid that people would get suspicious and begin making conspiracy theories about the famous Area 51 facility. Of course, it was a shitty distraction since nobody cared about Apple, so they just went about their daily business making conspiracy theories regarding Area 51. In fact, people care so little about Apple that their secret base is not even hidden on the ever-popular Google Earth(See image)

This is also another possible reason as to why Apple may be creating their iNuke weapon; to get attention (Because we all know that Apple are a dumb bunch of attention seeking retards).

[edit] I'm Intrigued. Tell me more about this "iNuke"

Apple started the iNuke project in the year 1986 after they realised that their facility in Area 342000000012 wasn't getting any recognition since it was opened in 1982. An insider provided us with information regarding the iNuke and despite its utter uselessness as a missile, it can be quite useful for the consumer. It uses all of the top-of-the-line technology known to man, including a large 19 inch CRT monitor (300x400 resolution), a 25mm earphone jack and is made entirely out of enriched Uranium. On a totally unrelated note, a vast majority of iNuke users have contracted brain cancer. It is extremely compact. Weighing only 3 tons it is 4m high, 3m wide and will fit easily into any large van or truck. The iNuke comes in two sizes, 30gb ($100 US) and 20kb ($8,756 US for some reason). The 30 gb version holds 10,000,000 songs, giving it an explosive yield of 30 megatons.

Our insider tells us that the product is to be released onto shelves (Those stores better have a fuckload of shelves) in mid 2056. Apple blatantly denies that such a product is under development, but we know better: Our insider is a very smart and trustworthy chimp. yea so if they do make it they will bomb ppl with it

[edit] So why haven't they made the iNuke yet?

Simple. They are idiots. They have not yet mastered the delicate art of "thinking" and they have wasted too much time Kitten huffing rather than getting to work on a proper Nuclear missile. But one thing is certain: If Apple ever realises that prettiness isn't what makes a bomb go "boom" (or a computer go "work" for that matter), we are all doomed. Another reason they have not built it yet is because they do not realise exactly what a bomb is shaped like and must therefore rely mainly on guesses (many of which are downright shit). An insider in the Area 342000000012 facility, who actually works for Microsoft was kind enough to provide us with a photo of the so-called "iNuke beta"(see image). As you can clearly see, we really, really do NOT have anything to fear.

[edit] Apple are at it again

Apple now have a new prototype destruction tool. This is their way of eliminating the competiton. Read More... atomPod