ITree
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“iPods are a wondrous fruit, the most marvelous fruit I know. Their taste is of the sweetest rain, their scent of freshest snow.”
~ Oscar Wilde on iPods- The crappiness of this article begins with its lowercase letter. Do not be alarmed. This is a necessary inclusion.
| iTree | ||||||||||||
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| iPae iPodus |
The iPod is the well known fruit of the iTree. The iTree grows mainly in iRaq but plenty may be found in iRan as well as iChina, iNdia, iTaiwan and iUSA. Critics of the Bush administration claim that President Bush ordered the invasion of iRaq to harvest its iTrees. It is what Cream of Nathan Micheal Thompson is made out of and stuff. Harvesting iPods is a very successful industry, but has lead to MTE (Massive Tree Extinction) in most parts of Southeast iAsia and iRaq. However, there are many organisations to prevent MTE in other areas, the most successful being the HHH (Happy-land Habitat Hawareness) Programme, which maintains a 2 sq mile area of iTrees in the southern areas of Happy-land.
The iTree was first discovered, and cultivated by none other than Steve Jobs which has helped him take over Apple and launch the lucrative range of iPod MP3 players. He has been able to breed the first generation of Itrees to produce fatter and juicier fruits, and even to produce new fruit such as the iPod Nano, grown using the lost art of iBonsai.
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[edit] Characteristics
The iTree grows mainly in the Cheap-Labour Areas of Chinese Sweatshops, preferring the damp climates of those areas. Unfortunately they are prone to getting waterlogged, which causes them to short circuit and explode. This unfortunately is fatal to anyone who happens to be standing nearby at the time. I mean it! iLithium batteries are shit.
The iTree itself grows straight and tall, and grows its fruit all year round, and doesn't have any flowers. This is because it is able to produce fertile fruit through clever self pollinating during the growth of the fruit.
The fruit itself, the iPod, is rectangular shaped, with a hard metallic white shell and a grey square near the top (or bottom) of the fruit. It is attached to the iTree via a set of white earbuds.
It defenbility to seal their ears against the terrible music emanating from the iPod. Unfortunately, the gray square is the weak point in the shell of the iPod, which is exploited by the Bolivian tree llamas to gain access to the juicy silicon nectars inside.
The first iTree was made on the 6th day in God's very own backyard aka 'the iGarden of Eden'.
[edit] Varieties
There are several different varieties of the iPod which are harvested from iTree's. These are:
- The iPod Mini - This is just a smaller version of the iPod and therefore has a harder outer shell which can also come in different colours than white. The case is much harder than the regular iPod, but the music that is played by the iPod Mini is not as bad. It is known to have a tangy and sour taste, say those who were not fatally poisoned by it. This species are now extinct.
- The iPod Shuffle - This is again a smaller version of the iPod, but is longer and thinner than the iPod Mini. The casing of the iPod Shuffle only comes in silver, and does not have the characteristic gray square in the middle of it. This means there is no weak point in the shell of the shuffle, and so the tree llama is unable to eat it. However, some of the stupid ones that try to eat it get tounge-pinched to death by the it's clip. Poor people think this is a real iPod.
- The iPod Nano - This is an even smaller version of the iPod, and is fatal to any creature that eats it due to its sharp edges. It also has a tendency to get stuck between the teeth, which causes great discomfort, especially when listening to Celine Dion This was developed using the lost art of iBonsai.
- The iPod Shit - this is the most common form of iPod it has a very sour taste and only comes in brown and has a softer shell
Coming soon to a war-torn area near you: The iK47, Useful to all people who need music (like Flight of the Valkries) while shooting people dead and don't mind having to pay $200 for a set of rounds.
[edit] The iTree
The iTree does not get its energy for food production from light, but uses its long wire-like roots to suck up the Earth's residual current for use in the production of glucose. This current is stored in the fruit of the iTree, the iPod, using the juicy inside of the fruit as a type of battery. This means that the iTree doesn't have to photosynthesis, so it doesn't need chloroplast, the only reason the leaves are green is due to peer pressure from the other trees.
[edit] Where to find iPods/iTrees
- Michael at his Beverly Hills estate.
- K-mart, for the cheap-o version.
- eBay (similar capitalization mistakes).
- At Clarkson University.
- Satan's Greenhouse
- in hell beside Microsoft.
- on Thor's treeship.
- At the back of a bus near you.
- in the great iTreefarm in Japaledelphia
Apple Product Range
| iPods: | iPod - iPod Shuffle - iPod Mini - iPod Nano - iPod Yocto - iPod Yotta - iPod Macro - iPod Invisa - iPod mono - iPod Lo-Fi - iPod floppy - iPod chair - iPod Car - iPod IV - iPod Slim - iPod Huge - iCan't Believe It's Not iPod - Deep-fried iPod |
| iDevices: | iMac - iNuke - iRon - iMath - iHamster - iRaq - iTree - iSuicide - i - iPoop - iOwa - iRak - iRan - iEyes - iBladder - iClothes - iBrows - iRack - iSteve |
| iHardware: | Cheese graters - Cast Spell Key - Applesauce - MacBook - Macbook Air - Euroipods - triPod - ehPod - YouPod - IHenge - iEarth |
| iSoftware: | iTunes - iMovie - Linux (Only For Mac) - Mac OS X - Mac OS 10.5 - Mac OS Y - Mac OS Z |
| i3rd Party Mods: | iPod Nano 200gb Instructions - üPod - phonePod - Video iPod Nano U2 HD - iTrip - Hacking the iPhone |
| iGaming: | iBox360 - iTari -General Grievous - iPodore 64 - iPodendo - iBoy |
| iLlnesses: | Neuroipods |
| iFelonies: | iFraud - Afroipods |
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