IQ:Sample test/Answers

Note: For use by examiners only.

Shown below are the correct answers to the IQ test, if the candidate answers all the questions correctly, they shall receive the perfect score of -3. However, they probably looked at this document first, therefore they are disqualified straightaway.

These answers have to be word-for-word for them to gain a mark.

[edit] Mathematical Section

0. Infinity is usually put as ∞, so you can describe infinity as 00. Alternatively, you can describe it as 8.

1. Y=MX+B time pi. (Pi is usually the flavor of rotting grass hoppers, but really I've never tasted it)

2. I found it. It's near the middle, and the value is "Times New Roman" dollars.

3. It is unneeded for it was found in the last answer.

4a. The percentage error is 0%, the perfection skills that you have would not result in un-square paper.

4b. 2+2=5. In math, you don't ask why, it just is.

5. Y is the 25th letter in the alphabet, so if you take 100 from 25 you get -75, dividing -75 by infinity would give you the answer of 0, or -9.375 (-75/8, see 1.)

6. Freeze the melted ice cream and fuse it with the gatorade. 6c. OMG!!!! my baby!!!! you sick freak!!

7. See overleaf for answer.

8. It's true.

9. 4.5739093 fingers will Little Johny be able to sharpen before he feels any negligible pain.

10a. Exactly 17.688 waffles (16.587 if blueberry waffles).

10b. 12x*monty python=72 chickens

10c. Nine months.

10d. 38 years, never if they are virgins

10e. 0.247 x waffle x potato = a waffle imploding in a quasar with french fries in it with a likelihood of 0.00247

11. Either aquamarine, fushia or cerulian. No other answers are correct.

12. ¿º╟╝╜╗ñ░╤Ñⁿ.

13. Do it Torr! PSI!!! Do it!!!

14. At the same time the Snack Bar closes. 7:30pm to be precise.

15. It won't never take me no time to not complete this UnTest.

16. It smells like scratch paper. I even tried the scratch-and-sniff method, still no change in results.

17. F tsts lk sht.

18. C2

19. Who cares?

20,3. Add all numbers from 1 to 1337 (1+2+3...1335+1336+1337. See?). Add then all the probabilities, and subtract the not-probabilities, divide with X, the with Z, and finally use mr. Gates' credit card to find out how many money he got. This number, divided by the answer you got, is the right.

21a. H = ∞.

21b. Reverse the process, moron.

22. Who cares.

23. 7 cannot fit into 4 no matter what you dildo. Trigonometry wont help you.

24.

25. The width of this paper is somewhere between 0 inches, and 100 yards.

30. Because in Soviet Russia the russian reversal reverses you

31. 2.4838296 (accept 696.6889567)

35. None. Chuck Norris wouldn't kick the Flying Spaghetti Monster, they're BFF. But if they weren't, it would still be none, because all Chuck Norris would have to do is look at the Flying Spaghetti Monster and he would die automatically.

36. 4.

37. You tell me!

38. r^6(5)

39. See Appendix IV

40. This was a trick question, the sky is NOT blue, our eyes only see blue because our eyes are calibrated to see blue hues more so than purple (Seriously).

41. 37.

42. (panda's volume) x (times having sex in a week) / 18.9 = Answer

Post Script: There was an accident concerning all 48 sides of Q9. Fire is destructive.

[edit] Reasoning Section

0b. Cactus

-8972. An illigitame son of satan raised by god only to be fucked up by halo 82 (see 8th milineum)

1. He would need to apply magic for this to work.

2. Ok I've done it. You can't see it, but that's what faith is all about.

3. I call it Unfinished Concerto #4, it is in Rondo form.

4. Six and a half of those.

5. Allergies.

6. In doing so, I heinously upset the space/time continuum and had to undo my work.

7. Haemophiliac.

8. To ease diplomatic tension in the People's Republic of Siam.

9. I conscientiously object.

10. You can't trust my answer either, as I always lie.

11. Answer dependent upon size of boat and type of wheel, 6 and a half usually.

12. X>12U

13. Cheese but it could be yoghurt according to what kind of bear it is.

14. Less likely.

15. No

16. Thanks to Walt Disney we lost Vietnam so, Crickets not Grasshoppers are the only species of land mammals with peg legs. Besides Pirates which are unfortunately extinct. But if it were a cricket, it would be an hour and a half (it's almost too obvious).

17. 78, but it wouldn't matter, because Chuck Norris would instantly kill anyone attempting to fill the room with anything but him.

18. 96AU

19. A little bit.

20. All of them, the Hello Kitty factory was protected by the prototype SDI system in 1869.

21. Never.

22. I would, but how would you know if I was right?

23. But today is Tuesday. He died of a horrible guy on guy on horse on girl accient.

24. Okay, What do I do with the trumpet?

25. Sam, is verry fat.

25+1. Ko ne-chi wa?

26. Hes not a man.

27. About 18 hours.

28. 69

29. My head would explode. I think we both know why.

30. This question is Raciest.

31. Cuz' three six's means you love Cod

32. Porange

33. Mango. Me. Never.

34. Thats how Russia Rolls.

35.

36. Me, on your mom...Haveing a good time...

37. ¤

38. Maybe.

39. The exact moment the rigged-up cat/buttered toast contraption leaves your hand, the Universe will cease to exist (with the expection of Chuck Norris who will breathe and cause the Universe to exist once more). Chuck Norris will proceed to roundhouse kick you in the face for violating Planck's Kitten-Toast Paradox. You fuckin' dolt.

[edit] Scientific Section

1. Does it really matter?

2. Ok. I did it. I swear.

3. a) There -->

3. b) There ----->

3 1/2 Done that

4. ~~

5. Why don't you do it, if you're so clever.

6. .

7. Its clear.

8. Light is actually God's urine.

9. Neutron.

10. God will smite you.

11. Too easy.

12. I did. I promise. It's the shiny thing in my pocket.

13. They both came out 24 karats. I swear I did not use my leprechaun to get that answer.

14. Trick question! Kermit the Frog was never really in love with Miss. Piggy... He just pretended to love her to gain access to her enormous riches. In other words, yes, very annoying.

15. Pac-Man would devour his opponent, Kit.

16. All of the above.

17. It gives them high cholesterol and happy cow disease (much worse than mad cow).

18. False.

19. Both legs have the same length - especially the left one.

20. Bbrwy(sometimes)plkmnkghvcs!

21. Infinity . . . times 2!

22. 11.

23. See attached photograph.

24. A.

25. All of them.

26. We'll wait . . .

27. Wha'd you say about my mamma?!

27a. Yes, anal sex is immoral.

[edit] Logic

1. d) Handle

2. Well that was easy *coughs* *twiddles thumbs*

3. Is that really necessary? Surely they'll sort themselves out eventually...

4. Ronald McDonald, but he had help! We don't know from who, but we'll find out eventually, won't we Clifford the Big Red Dog?

[edit] True or False

1. True

2. False

3. False

4a. False

4b. True

5. False

6. True

7. True

8. False

9. True

10. False

11. True

12. True

13. False

14. True

15. False

[edit] Multiple Choice

1. g] 77

2. d] all of the below

3. f) none (but answer ‘e’)

4. e) all of the above

5. g) 17π²

6. r) Pumpernickel

7. d} er benutzte sie

8. f} Look like testicles

9. d) All of the above.

10. c) Another toaster oven

11. f) a,b,c,d,e, all at once

12. n) none of these (except for d)

13. d)You

14. a) They aren't the Colts

14. c) All of the below

15. a) False

[edit] Linguistic Section

1. There.

2. b) Trout.

3. ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM. Do you know how I got the word? Well I just knew you would give me that one.

4. Basically... There.

5. I believe it's right about here-UI9ER . Page 94 for your Catcher In The Rye quote. Phonies.

6. Ok, I mailed it and killed myself two hours before post is delivered.

7. A word that rhymes with smantonym.

8. Ana Gram.

9. Ok done, next question. Expect them to attack back.

10. Is something that most people often fail at representing with words.

11. Why not?

13.It's a not impossible.

14.all of the words in the English language. <--- See? I did it!

15. SHUT UP!!! CALLATE!!!

16. It's on the piece of paper attached to the back of this test. I wrote it in invisible ink.

17. It's on the back.

18. A scransom is not important. Because he is a scransom.

19. A granjsol times the answer to number 15.

20. Yes. Because. Because.

21. Michael Palin with his face in a pie times Douglas Adams squared.

22. I left

23. (See 2)

25. Yes.

26. 146,125,163,611,631,641,612 on a good day.

27. I name them all Bob.

28. Because she was stuck inside one of the freezers.

29. No

30. The glass wall was painted black.

31. Yes

32. (see 31)

33. Long. No.

33b. 67 (if you have a toaster)

34. Until they can hear using.