Teknishon
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“If there would be such things, as bithunters, then THATS what we would be to them!â€
~ Typical IT guy on other workers in the company
The only people who TRUELY understand the l33t code, Teknishons sit in a office all day and are always watching you, they "Pwn" the computers, and have the power to stop you visiting porn. Basically they are the gods of the cyber world.
Most teknishons get bored being cramped in there office all day; so they often get together in robotic romantic relations, for example; Fat teknishon and Ninja teknishon.
It can be harmful being a teknishon; for example- Being locked in a office all day with a Cybernetic teknishon is extremely bad for you. They would spill their CYBER geekness, which spews all over the place.
People DIE if teknishons dont do there job right; that is why it is an EXTREMELY hard job to get- they each have to go through seven hundred years of training. Otherwise people will die.
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There have been definitely three species of Teknishons classified. The most common types are the fat and and the skinny one. Both of these are male and rather unintresting if your PC is running normally as it should. Most of them can easily be persuaded into helping you with any problem concerning computers. Otherwise they are really boring and IT technical. Far more interesting is the fact, that there happen to be FEMALE Teknishons! They are claimed to be a myth but stories of sightings are heard every day. If anyone could get his hands on a visual/Virtual proof of this categorie of Teknishons,the Royal observatory of IT would bust a nut. It is said that they are pretty so it would be a great service to the world community if we could take a look on them. Although like most Teknishons they do not come out much, so to the general public sightings are rare.
[edit] Angry Teknishons.
Beware of angry teknishons and shun their evil MS-Dos, as when they turn angry its always never good. Common angry teknishon phrases are "Who does that man" or "what sick person throws a cup cake" if you hear any of these phrases BEWARE! The teknishon will kill you without warning!
Also, if you crash their bike into a fat person they get very angry, so angry that they will burn you with a blow torch. And if you are daring enougth to put magnets near computer-monitors; they WILL go mad!
Teknishons can delete, in other words kill, under law. Under the world association act of 1945, section C class b, "All I.T. personnel have the rights to execute programs, in otherwords kill, which contain malicous viruses. often when a Teknishon is talking to its computer it is best not to disturb them as this means they are very unstable and could result in a Teknishon who is angry at you.
asxcbgly re3y851wvuob/
[edit] On a mishon
When a teknishon is born, They are given a task to complete, their duty as a teknishon, their misson!
Teknishons often aren't actually teknishons, but secret spys, out to fulfill their misson... Danger!
For example; Fat teknishons misson is Blocking MSN by using this secret code.
fghgfhiofufguobd njafn fuken anus dknfdlfdsn kj
The only way to unblock MSN is by going into notepad and typing this in it:
@echo off
color f1
echo haxxorz
pause
shutdown
Then, when you are done, save it as MSN_unblocker.bat on your My Documents folder then send it to all your co-workers and then tell them to open it.
[edit] Teknishon Phrases
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
"*Dramatic sigh* - Don't you know that trying to swamp the kernel memory by making your RAM cache all its ROM in too many handles and threads at once will just lead to a commit charge that makes all the paged and nonpaged memory swap itself at once, which is just gonna short-out your virtual server's uptime? And make the hypervizor execute way too many process requests at once? Goddammit, why is it so hard for you plebs to understand that!!!"
"Leave it here, we'll get around to it."
"Oh no.... NOT THE PRINTEEEEERRRRR"
"Hmmmm..."
"SUN! CLOSE THE BLINDS CLOSE THE BLINDS!"
"ZOMG!"
"LOL!"
"You are indeed using anything produced by Microsoft?"
"ROFL!"
"RTFM"
"I can't be expected to know lots about computers!"
"Oooops!"
"I am not living in the cellar! My computer is located at the second floor!"
"WOW is that a Casio Exilim EX-Z850 sweet!"
"Did you see the new Stargate last night?"
"Are you sure its plugged in?"
"And you're sure that it's the computer that is stupid?"
[edit] Teknishons out of the workplace
Out of the office Teknishons have a limited list of activities. most of their time is spent in their mothers house, while some have been known to venture out into social settings such as clubs, parties etc., bringing with them a wave of awkward conversation(usually about cameras and other nerdly stuff). These ventures occur very seldom and are usually considered a bad thing. Teknishons lack of social graces is generally accepted as the main reason there is so much porn on the internet.(what? dont look at me like that). If you do by some chance see a Teknishon out of work please take him out of his misery - its the humane thing to do SOME JUST HANG UP ON YOU
[edit] The coolest teknishon?
The battle for "coolest teknishon" (Technician among the frat boys at Wikipedia) is currently a five way tie between Bill Gates, Stalin, Hitler, an unspecified type of Danish Cheese and Magic Phil. While Bill Gates is credited with building the first program to allow teknishons to watch other people's porn, Stalin and Hitler worked together in creating a optimized para-atomic computacionashonator, the Danish Cheese, while being a newcomer to the scene, has proven it's mettle in striking down those who would defile the interwebs. Magic Phil uses his magic powers to turn things off and then on again, which arguably could be done by a trained monkey. MAgic Phil, Bill Gates and the Danish Cheese are currently seen as more 'cool' than Stalin or Hitler on the grounds of not having killed millions of people, killing people being viewed as 'uncool'.
[edit] See Also
FatNinja
Evil
Azn
