Apple iTunes

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“It's like giving a glass of ice water to somebody in hell!”

~ Steve Jobs on iTunes for Windows

Apple iTunes is the worst MP (or Molecule pwner, which is a kind of member of Parliament) ever created.

Contents 1 iTunes 2 Apple iTunes 3 Sampling 4 Notable Features 5 See Also

[edit] iTunes

iTunes are an obscure form of German pop songs that are, by definition, only two minutes in length and consist of only self-referencing pronouns such as "me, myself, and I." The artform was pioneered by Klaus Von Sprechenstien in 1956, but did not gain a wider audience until the Swedish pop group Licky Licky made an entire album of iTunes in 1963, entitled Me Are Fun.

There are now over 20 major groups in Europe who compose nothing but iTunes and typically release them in large, box-set compilations sold only at garage sales. The genre has yet to penetrate the American market, but this may change as the very first American iTunes band, Chocolate Orgasm, has recently joined this coalition of artists.

[edit] Apple iTunes

Apple iTunes is a web store that music, video, and theology can be bought from. Apple iTunes are a version of the old German pop songs (See Nena). Steve Jobs moved iTunes into the German music and video business, and in 2006 added religion. For music and video, the IPod is used, and for religion the IGod is used. Apple hopes to copy more technology like iTunes in the near future. The IGod is a copy of Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want , only instead of being free, the IGod works on a subcription model.

iTunes is primarily used in Apple's Headquarters (with their reports showing 87% of all use from their building). There is also another place it is used, surprisingly. In some homes, people own a small device called an iPod. It's like a pod of peas, but instead contains iTunes. iTunes (the software) will load iTunes (the German music) onto the iPod, but this method has drawbacks, as when it is loaded on to the iPod it has a tendency to fall off again.

[edit] Sampling

Apple iTunes is amazing the suck. Apple iTunes costs $10,000,000,000.02 for one so-called song that sounds more like an old lady farting on a bus and causing the death of 23 passengers while only blinding the remaining 2 and causing the driver to spontaneously combust before the bus implodes on itself and the old lady goes up to hell while everyone else goes down to heaven to burn. (If you just read the afore presented statement you must eat a banana while doing a handstand blindfolded and with one shoe on within the next hour or your genitilia will fall off and new ones will grow on your left ear, unless you're a women in which case you will become a gay man)

[edit] Notable Features

iTunes notoriously has a tiny slider button that is traditionally used to slide through the 4th dimension. It's so tiny. Very tiny. Yes, it's quite very tiny indeed. This particular feature makes iTunes akin to an automobile that has a dime-sized crank for rolling down the window. Additionally, this feature makes iTunes akin to to the act of something that is so clever that the present writer expects to make a living off it in the future and therefore bites his tongue, which is to say he zips his lips. Safety is not guaranteed. Many people accidentally swallowed the new iPod Tic Tac. When visiting the iTunes Internet Shopping mall, be sure to check out the 30 second clips of every song imaginable, except for anything by The Beatles.

Apple itunes also has the amazing feature of giving you encrypted files that cannot be opened in anything but itunes, even when you pay for them. This angers many people so much im surprised everyone isn't just downloading music illegaly... however if you're smarter than the average bear you can burn them onto a CD-RW (not CD-R, CD-RW) and then import them back into itunes (convert to AAC) and the new copy will be unencrypted (and since you were smarter than the average bear you will be able to erase the CD-RW disc so as to not waste money). Of course as already suggested, those smarter than those who are smarter than the average bear who is smarter than you would just download the music illegally preferably using Limewire or even better downloading a torrent file and using a free torrent file dowloader such as uTorrent to get entire albums of music for free. But this is only suggested for women because any male who attempts such burglary will have his nuts shrink to the size of chewed peanut bits and his non-golden member will be disgusted and abandon him(now become "it") to sell itself as a tiny dildo to a middle-aged retired STD infested porn star.

[edit] See Also

• Apple
• IPod
• IGod