Today's featured article
Hippies, man!
Like, hippies (homo groovius) are a semisentient subspecies of humanity that first evolved in the 1960s and are now mostly extinct, man. The result of experimental drug testing on just about everything, hippies like, transformed the face of the United States and Great Britain and certain parts of Australia too, man. The hippie race was distinguished by their outtasite vibes, psychedelic drugs, interesting odors, radically long hair, and above all, the tendency to "fight the power." Hippies were extremely active in both politics and sex, and often confused the two. In fact, liberal tendencies and fornication are now thought of as the reason for overpopulation in the world today. But that's cool, man!
Black hippies, brotha!
Brotha, black hippies are a subspecies of the hippie subspecies, making them a subsubspecies, you dig? Black hippies differ from conventional hippies in that they got style. Black hippies were noticeably blacker, wore more bling, and were more likely to not work for the man every night and day like other white fool hippies. Black hippies were always angrier than other hippies because of their righteous enragement at their lack of rights, man. Most black hippies also belonged to a secret society like the Black Panthers or the Nation of Islam. Fo' shizzle. (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
Chapter 1: Why the Fuck Am I in Reykjavík
There could've been many reasons why I, Thinker St. James, had ended up in the capital of Iceland one brisk winter's eve in 1998. Perhaps it was the way the snow gently covered the trees, or how the streets twinkled with a beautiful sheen of ice. Maybe it was the twelve kilos of cocaine I was smuggling. Thinking on it now, I'm fairly certain it was the cocaine.
Regardless of the why, all I could think about was my reality: there I was, trotting about the streets of Reykjavík, so insanely cold that my testicles had long since ascended into the fleeting warmth of my body. But what could I do? I was in the middle of a strange city filled with strange people, carrying a dufflebag filled with 25 pounds of pure Bogotá bullion. Nearly three newborn babies-worth of nose candy. I decided to play it safe; I found the nearest go-go bar with a mission to get hammered.
As I entered the Fá Drukkinn Hér Drinkery, I noticed a pale lady at the end of the bar who appeared to be making drunken bird calls. Forgetting about the drugs altogether, I made a beeline for (what I thought was) the most inebriated woman in the room.
(more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that the RIAA's edutainment title Grand Theft Audio was released for online download January 3, 2007, and accumulated over 5000 downloads within 24 hours of being leaked on BitTorrent?
- ...that violence is not the answer?
- ...but it gives you time while you figure out the answer.
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 4: Will Smith Day (USA), American Independence Day (most other countries)
- 2000 BC - An ageing Conan the Barbarian notices that his thews aren't as mighty as they used to be. Depressed, he eats a carton of ice-cream, and washes it down with bourbon.
- 993 - Saint Skeet Ulrich of Augsburg canonized. Unfortuantely, they used too much powder and he overshot the catch net.
- 1776 - King George III receives a letter from the colonies; throws it out thinking that it's yet another menu from a pizza restaurant.
- 1862 - Abraham Lincoln proclaims an end to the American Civil War. He waits a moment, then yells "Psych!"
- 1917 - American troops in Flanders attempt to recreate the famous Christmas Truce of 1914 by holding a 4th of July barbeque in No Man's Land. The results are predictable.
- 1969 - Birth of Will Smith. The world rejoices. Warring forces in Vietnam, Czechoslovakia and Detroit lay down their arms, and join together in ushering in the new Golden Age of Mankind.
- 1996 - Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum save the world by infecting the alien mothership with a computer virus, thus continuing the time-honored tradition of infections saving the world from aliens. Will Smith tries to take all the credit, but Jeff Goldblum threatens to sic his Jewish father on him.
- 1997 - Will Smith Day becomes an official worldwide celebration.
- 2007 - You sit at a computer. Why not go outside and get some fresh air? And watch the stars, the sky, and that huge metal ball that somehow didn't hit that comet but changed his path towards you? Yeah, it's following you. Get an umbrella or go to the subways.
- 2008 - That huge metal ball bounces and somehow didn't hit the comet, but changed his path towards Mr. T, Mr. T was not worried, he whipped his dick out and smacked the ball for over 9000 damage, completely depleting its hp. He gained 1xp, as he is a much higher level than the metal ball.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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As I walked into that posh night club up in Canberra, I've noticed a strange sight. No one was dancing. They were all standing around frowning in the DJ's general direction. Why? I demanded Is no one dancing? We don't like the DJ responded one sour faced gentleman, he is a known lobbyist for corrupt politicians, with a child's mentality, who makes fun of the humanist Chinese government. Not only that, the bastard got fabulous dental on our expense, while sending restarted forms signed by his 12 year old accountant! I'm telling you, he not only irreverent, he is irrelevant. We'll never dance to his tunes again.
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Yes, hello? Hi. Can I talk with The Woodburninator please? awkward silence What was that again? He went out and burned 30 thousand acres of natural forest? Oh. awkward silence. That's a bit extreme of him isn't it. What was that you say? He mumbled something about reaching a final conclusion before leaving the house with a torch and a 12 gage shot gun? I wonder what could that be listening intently to person on the other side babbling on and on Oh for sure, I'd bet he thinks that he is better than thou sir. Because you, sir, are an idiot. I hope he burns down your house as well. Good day sir.
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