Joy Division
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“That would be Ian. I haven't seen him do nothing for years.”
~ Peter Hook on who is the fattest and laziest member of New Order
“To be fair, I thought he was gay when we met. Apart from that one night in the Brussells though, nothing really clicked...got any pot?...”
~ Bernard Sumner on lost love
“I was in a band...? I was just killing time with a couple of lads between drug trips”
~ Steven Morris on his role in Joy Division
“.............”
~ Ian Curtis on The Tonight Show 20/3/08
Joy Division are by many considered to be one of the most influential comedy/techno band to come out of Manchester of all time. Formed from the ashes of an entire city Warsaw the band gained notoriety for having absolutely no appeal to girls whatsoever. They are also the third most prolific band, second only to Super Tramp and Oscar Wilde and the Whalers, releasing a staggering 422 albums in the 3 years they where together. This band is by many considered to be Interpol rip offs.
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[edit] Joy Division and music
Many people believe Joy Division invented Goth Rock, however this is infact untrue as Joy Division actually invented music (and obviously, goth rock is not music). Despite the practical problems involved, utilising the tortured genius of lead singer Ian Fleming, they went back to 1221 and in just 3 and a half hours they had practically built all the instruments currently known to man plus a few that we won't know about for another 3 years, as of today. Nobody believes me, but it's true.
[edit] Ian Curtis, Depression and Epilepsy
As a career tortured genius Ian Curtis partook in an accelerated version of Logan's Run. Normal practice has it that you shall commit suicide or at least die by or at the age of 28, Curtis however, prolific as ever, managed it at 23. It is also worth noting that 'epilepsy' did not enter the English Dictionary until after Ian Curtis, as he had invented it to make his stage act more appealing to women. It is one of life's most satisfying ironies that days after he committed suicide Joy Division would have their biggest hit with 'Stella Was A DRIVER And She Will Tear Us Apart!'.stephen fry was on french horn OMG zak jones plays guitar omg how deep!!!
[edit] Ian Curtis Resurrection
On the third day Deborah and Natalie walked the banks of the Lamaload Reservior. As they spread his ashes across the water they burst into exotic fire. From the smoke laden urn of Hannett arose a flaming phoenix with gold etchings. The risen Ian is often mentioned in Gnu Oudor songs such as "ICB" and "Here to Stay".
[edit] Post-Joy Division
Ian Curtis has retired from the music business, and spends his time back home in Manchester in a small coffin. As with Elvis, there are sightings of Ian flipping hamburgers, stocking the frozen foods section, and fighting mummies, but these are usually discounted as visions of Tom Smith or Justin Warfield from the near future.
Meanwhile, the rest of the band bravely decided to soldier on, making only minor changes--substituting goth for synthpop, alcohol for ecstasy, and hanging themselves in their basements for hanging out with The Happy Mondays at clubs. Unfortunately, they were not particularly successful, and nobody has heard from them since.
[edit] Sex and the oh-so-shitty city
Joy Division's name refers to the Germans' World War II divisions of subjugated prostitutes, who wreaked havoc on the Belgians with their blitzkrieg tactics. Therefore, they were Nazis. Thanks to the hard work of music critics, we also know that all other early goth bands were also Nazis, such as Siouxsie & The Banshees, who wore a Star of David, Adam and the Ants who wrote many songs about fancying nazis girls wearing white socks, Current 93, who praised the Jews for their responsibility in the death of Jesus (& the Mary Chain), and of course, Interpol.
[edit] The "Gillian IS Ian" Controversy
Despite popular belief, Ian Curtis did not actually kill himself. Instead, he faked his own death and had extensive plastic surgery to resemble a woman. He chose the name Gillian because of his new-found resemblance to the lead singer of Deep Purple. However, his/her cover[dale] was blown in predictable fashion when his wig was seized off his head during rehearsals. The band, though understandably shocked, decided to hush it up; Stephen Morris, later of The Smiths, even went as far as marrying the erstwhile Curtis.
[edit] Random Oddness
If you play "Love Will Tear Us Apart" and sing the lyrics to "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" from Monty Python's Life of Brian, your neighbours will think you are crazy. Hell, they might even think THEY'RE crazy, too. OMG ITS FUNNY COZ NONE OF ITS TRUE LOLLZ0RZ F0R LIVE.
They say that on the 3rd christmas since Ian Curtis death, Bernard Sumner is visited by Ians ghost. They chat for a bit before deciding what to do with music next. Last time this happened, the result was Electronics 2nd album (terrible by the way) and Technique. Needless to say, Bernard was VERY high at the time.
