Idiotic Table of the Elements
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The Idiotic Table of the Elements is a listing of all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements. This table is not to be confused with the Mahmoodian Table, which is an alternate representation of the building blocks of matter.
Families
- Allergens
- The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.
- Active Cheeses
- Filler Materials
- Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table or shoved to the side. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for...
- Alcohols
- The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.
- Innate Abilities
- These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.
- The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.
History
The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and only contained four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually, the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these 'elements' were actually made from others.
By 1800 C.E., the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained over 70 elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are, indeed, still being discovered. In 2004, an element recently discovered known as Unobtainium was not obtained, and therefore not put to use in a machine that could drill to The Core of the Earth.
In 2003, many speculated upon the Element of Surprise, but it proved impossible to detect as just about everyone was already talking about it.
In 2007, Serbia was found to have similar properties of Assium and was renamed "Buttium."
In 13370, five elements were discovered and were proved to be the 1337. They were given the category "1337 Elements."
In 31337, a sixth 1337 element was found.
The Idiotic Table of the Elements
Vegemites and Collegiates
94Ce Celerium
| 97Pr Parslium
| 103Slut Slutgerium
| 104UnC UnCarium
| 108Cc Coconuton
|
114Tp Turnipium
| 127Dk Dukeum
| 129Iu Hoosierium
|
Asinines
111Uuu Unununium
| 137Gu Glueon
| 149.999Py Pentium
| 176Lm Linoleum
| 238U Urmomium
| |
250Dt Ductapium
| 287R! Rubioium
| 377Kh Kittenhufnium
| 404 Kryptonite
 | 438Fa Fartium
| |
8-Btfk Sodomite
| 2GbEu Euripodium
| 666! Belgium
| 90210LOL Beverlyhillsium
|
Bodily Hair Metals
-5Ha Hairium
| 124Bd Beardium
| 130Ms Moustachium
| 141Pu Pubicum
| 30,012Ap Armpiton
|
1337 Elements
1337Leet 1337ium
| 1338Ko Koolium
| 1339Mrt Mr. T-ium
| 1340Wrk Werokkium
| 1341 googolplexMc Marcoium
| 1342Yum Yourmomium
| 1343Yuk Yukydoodium
|
The Deitides
∞G_d Jehovium
| ∞+1Je Jesium
| ∞+2V Virginmarium
| ∞+3Bh Bhuddium
| ∞+4اﷲ Allahnium
| |
∞+5Sof Sophia
| ∞+6Vi Vishnuium
| ∞+7Sh Shivium
| 0/0 N/A Athine
| ∞+8Od Odinium
| |
∞+9Thr Thoridium
| ∞2Xn Xenuvium
| ∞3Zz ZZ-topium
| ∞∞Bs Bushium
| ∞אJw Jewium
| |
∞∞Mx Mexican
| ∞∞+1Wp Weaselpudgium
| ∞∞+∞Kck Chucknorrisium
| ∞?Cm cum
| ∞?Ag Goddium
|
Unknown Classification
999Uo Unobtainium
|
See also
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| Featured version: 2 June 2005 |
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